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Ours will be 3 and 3.5 years apart (started trying at 2.5 year gap and that’s what we ended up with). I think both turned out well for us but would have been happy a bit closer too. Our third is coming in a couple weeks so this is more view so far.

The soonest I wanted a third was when first started kinder (5.5 for us). I SAH post #2 and figured it would give me more time with the baby. In fact now she’ll be almost in 1st when baby comes in a few weeks. She is going to be such a little mommy and big helper. She grew up a lot in kinder this year and is way more into being self sufficient. My wild one is my second and I’m glad he’s going to be older for the reasons you mentioned. Also it’s awesome to have two who can use the bathroom and take care of themselves. Third pregnancy was a lot harder for me than the first two (which seems common) and having the kids be older to help more / need less (because they still need plenty!) has been great. I’m 37 now so I was going to be kinda old either way - this time has just taken way more of a toll on my body (awful pelvic pain from 20w for example), I was sick longer, etc.

The cons for me I suppose - most people around me have them closer together so maybe fewer sibling-friend matchups. More years I won’t work, more years with less money, all that kind of stuff. I feel sure #3 will be carted around a lot to older kid stuff. But, was that stuff honestly that different at 2 vs 3? I don’t know. My older two are such good friends and I don’t know how the baby will fit in but I hope they can all be close as adults at least.

Sorry for the rambling! I’d vote to start trying once you are comfortable with the gap it would present, as one factor in getting older is being more likely to take longer or have a loss.

I have an almost 3 year age gap between 2nd and 3rd. The first two are almost 2 years apart. I like it. The 3 years is a little bit easier as far as the first two are old enough to entertain each other while I tend to the baby (she’s almost 1 now).

I will add, my First LO will start school this year and I’m glad we had LO3 before kindergarten started. My sister had her 3rd LO while her oldest was in kindergarten and it makes volunteering and such pretty rough. She couldn’t really leave her 3rd one (too little) for very long because he was breast feeding so she passed up opportunities for story time and field trip chaperone. Not huge deal breaker for some moms but just something to consider. Plus healing from an emergency C-section while dealing with lunches, drop offs and pick ups was another downside.

My gaps are 2.5 years and 3 years and I really don’t feel like there’s much of a difference and any difference is mainly down to temperament and environment rather than age.

I am in a similar boat: I WOH FT and we are loosely considering a third. However, we’re deciding between a 3 and a 4 year gap. Our two have a 2.5 year gap and it was very hard for me. DD1 was at her worst behaviorally when DD2 came along. She was so emotional and difficult. Once she got to 3.5 things were much easier. I know plenty of people who have a short gap between 1 and 2 and I feel like that’s very different because you only have 1 crazy toddler to look after. I considered a 2 year age gap for potential #3 and after that came and went I was just like, what was I thinking?! I could do it but holy cow a 3 year gap would be so much more manageable. My DD1 is also going into K this year and I cannot imagine having to adjust to that and a new baby at the same time (for me, not her; she’d be fine but I’m not the most organized). And I don’t think sibling relationship wise there’s a huge difference between 2-3 years.

Also last time my DH and I discussed the spacing he pointed out what a great relationship he has with his youngest sister, who is 7 years younger than him. He really loves that he remembers her coming home, and kissing her goodnight in her crib, which he doesn’t have for his other 2 (they are 19 months and 4.5 years younger).

@LemonJack: I think most moms would probably agree that whatever they "got"- 2 or 3 or 4 years ultimately worked out best for their family. We make the best of the spacing because we have to ya know?! I would say the closest you would want them, start trying- unfortunately you never know what could happen. I was due to have my kids 2 years apart and I thought that was just perfect. Then I miscarried kinda late in the game then it took 8 months to get pregnant again so now they're 3 years and ya know what? It's perfect

I'm happy to see so much love for the three year gap. DH and I originally wanted children 2-2.5 years apart but it didn't work out.. We'll have at least three years between kids.

We are done with our two girls, but they are two years and 3 months apart. I really like the age difference. My sister and I were nearly 10 years apart and I think it was tough for us to be close until we were in 20s. So it was important to me have kids who were relatively close in age. My oldest was just old enough to feel like she could “help” with the baby, like bring me diapers or a toy for the baby. She had some jealousy issues at the beginning (a lot of “my mommy!” when I was holding the baby and reacting more sensitively to things that normally would not have bothered her), but it was never directed at the baby and she was over it after a month or so. I think the fact that she was young made the adjustment easier - I doubt she really remembers ever having been an only child. And now that they are 3 and 10 months, they are having a lot more fun together. The baby idolizes her sister - she gets so excited whenever her sister comes home from preschool. And my oldest really tries to play with her sister the best she can and really loves teaching her new things and telling her friends all about her baby sister. I’d say the only frustrating things for me with this age difference has been that my older daughter is only starting to get the hang of sharing now so she can get possessive with toys and that causes conflict with the two of them and it can be really tiring. Until I have them down for bed at night, I feel like I’m constantly on the go with playing with them or feeding them or cleaning. But it’s also become a lot more fun lately.

@pachamama: Not bad at all. I have the same thoughts sometimes. If I didn't miscarry I would have a 28 month old and a 1 month old right now and I can't imagine.

Currently 5.5 months into an exactly-2-yr gap and it has been rough with LO1's lack of verbal comprehension & communication, self-contfol, and gentleness .... I am glad we did the 2 year gap for personal reasons, but if there's a baby #3, we aren't planning to open that door until it would be a 3 year age gap.

@DesertDreams88: you and I were due around the same time almost exactly