OMG. So, my son goes to preschool and the other moms in my son's class (even some dads) are so unfriendly. I just can't believe how unfriendly they are. Today there was a mothers day event and I was looking forward to meeting some moms. There is one boy that likes my son a lot and he came over to me when we arrived, so the teacher had us sit with him and his mom. His mom .... so unfriendly. WTF ? I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but I smile and at least say "hi" as I pass other moms ... they don't even look, nor make any effort. Is this normal ?????? I like the school and my son likes it there and likes the teachers and the kids....but the parents ! unbelievable ! I thought kids would invite each other to each other's birthdays etc... nothing. What would you do ? Move him to another school ? Keep him there ? It makes me sad for him (and me !).
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@podomama: I'm semi-outgoing so like you I would have said hello---but a lot of other Bees have mentioned that they are/feel socially awkward, so maybe you just happen to have arrived at the same time as some socially awkward parents who aren't good at making conversation with strangers.
Sorry. I wouldn't take it to mean that the people are rude, they just never learned the art of small talk.
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That stinks. They didn't say hi back when you said it?
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I totally can relate. Mom's in my area hardly ever talk to me at playgrounds or StoryTime. Unless they already know somebody at the park/libaray, they just seem to keep to themselves. I'm the opposite. I'm a very outgoing, talkative person, and say hi and smile, and hardly ever receive any back. Most just don't seem like they want to talk or even look at anybody else. I'm sorry you experienced that. Perhaps there is another mom there at the school in your son's class you can talk to during another event or something?
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I can relate as well! Today at drop off, another mom came in with her daughter. I was talking to the teacher, but we both stopped to say hello and she barely looked at us and left without saying a word to either me or the teacher. It definitely makes me a little sad as I was hoping to meet other moms in the area that at least were friendly.
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Well that's really sad! I'm about as awkward and shy as they come (without an actual personality disorder), but I still *try* to be nice and friendly, even though it's mentally painful to do so. I wouldn't change schools over it, just keep trying
Hopefully they're just quiet and shy, and not rude! -
@andrea: no 99% of them never say hi back or even look in my direction. I know two other moms there b/c our kids were previously at the same daycare, but their kids are one class below my son since they are a bit younger ...they also say they other moms are so unfriendly, so I know it's not just me thinking this !
@Jenn23: I wish you were at my son's school ! If even one mom was friendly I would be her BFF. It is so sad, but I don't know ONE mom in his class. Some of them already know each other and have no desire to meet other moms. The other half are not necessarily unfriendly, but just have no desire to meet the other moms. Which to me, baffles my mind. sighhhhhhh.
And then what sucks is because they never say hi, I just stop saying hi to anyone, and so now it seems like I'm unfriendly too. I mean, why should I keep saying hi when they never say hi back ?!
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I can relate, but for me it's because we are in a very international preschool, so there are people from everywhere. Some cultures are friendlier than others.
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@2peasinapod: Yes ! sometimes I hold the gate open for a parent... you know what they do ?? they just walk through and don't even look at me, and don't say thank you. Can you believe it ? I'm not even exaggerating.
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@podomama: Is it an international school? My DD attends an international one and some moms are not very friendly. I chalk it up to cultural differences and the language barrier so I am not offended. However, I have found other moms who are willing to chat. I hope you can find a mom friend there soon!
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It's possible they just have no interest in being friends with any of the other moms at their kids' preschool.
I wouldn't change schools over this.
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It isn't that weird that people aren't interested in making more friends, I come across that regularly.
I think you just have to continue doing what you're doing and just monitoring if your son seems happy there or not. If he's happy, that's what matters most.
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Yep, I forgot to say before not to change his school over this. As others' said, that is what is most important. What area do you live in? Just curious! I know, I'm constantly in amazement of when I hold the door for others' and they just walk through without so much of a glance or a hi, let alone a thank you. But not everyone is like that, unfortunately. Hopefully, you'll meet some nice moms there in the future, but if not, perhaps when he moves on to Kindergarten.
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I can totally relate – the moms (except for 1, who is super sweet) in my LO’s toddler room are all ice queens. I do both drop-off and pick-up, and so I run into the same parents pretty regularly. Barely any of the moms ever say “hi”; heck, sometimes they act like I’m totally invisible! Most of the dads, on the contrary, are friendly and will say “hi” to both me and LO by name.
I’m not an uber-friendly person and don’t want to hang out with these parents or become friends with them – but common courtesy seems to have gone by the wayside too often. If I say “hi” to you, is it really going to kill you to be a normal person and say “hi” back?
I wouldn’t change schools unless the kids are jerks too.
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Yup, I run into this all the time. I just assumed it was an NYC thing. It might get better as the kids get older. I wouldn't change schools over it.
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Yup the other moms at my LO's daycare are pretty unfriendly too. Oh well!
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I wouldn't take it perosnally, people are super busy and who knows what they have going on. So I def wouldnt change schools over it. That said, why they can't say hello is beyond me. Maybe it has just become the culture at the school
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i understand being busy with kids and dropping off/picking up, but it does seem weird that you wouldn't get a smile or hi back or even a little small talk. granted, i am a talker, but i don't recall having anyone outright ignore me. sorry you're dealing with that, but i would keep smiling and saying hi and think that soon you'll click with someone!
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If I liked the school and teachers I would not change schools over this. It's unfortunate but maybe with time things will change. I am always putting myself out there and I will say on orientation day a lot of the moms seemed kind of cold but after a few weeks we are all pretty friendly now. It's only 2x a week but we are all friendly and chat before and after class so it might just take time. And it may be some are just not interested in making friends at this point. But the class/school is more important to me than whether the parents are friendly
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Bleh, that sucks. Even if they're not looking for friends, does it really hurt to smile, return a hello, and be polite? I'm bad at striking up conversations with other moms, so when someone greets me or gives me an opening I'm very grateful!
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I know I am chiming in late here, but I had the exact same problem with my daughter's preschool. Very unfriendly parents. At least one of the moms became hostile once I got to know her better. My husband and I talked about sending her to a different preschool, but my daughter loved her friends there. Although I had to explain to her that the parents refused playdates. This is a difficult thing to explain to a child. And like some posters above mentioned, I too would open doors for other moms and they wouldn't thank me, just glare at me or dismiss me altogether. The hostility became overbearing for me. I found out that some of the parents really weren't interested in socialization, they just wanted their child in preschool for the educational experience only. Unless your child just loves his school, please take him out! Ask around about other schools where the parents are friendlier. Network, ask questions and read online reviews or preschools.
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@TerBA: interesting - I honestly never thought of it like that. I hope I'm not an unfriendly mama!
I send my son to preschool because he's learning new things for kindergarten and it's the next step up from daycare, he's in school with kids his age where in daycare he was with mostly babies.
We both work, so not really available for playdates - -
If you don't do playdates, who does your child play with? You see, my child is an only child and doesn't have siblings at home to play with. That is why we need playdates. However, many parents don't care or even consider the loneliness of someone else's child. They only care about their own kid. Sad but true.
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Sometimes it just takes a really specific question or statement to get someone to open up. You could try saying something like, "Oh I like his/her outfit!" about one of the kids. Parents usually love that. It might get more of a response. There's gotta be someone nice there!
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@TerBA: @rachiecakes: Agree, we aren't super friendly because we are rushing in before work to take her there and rushing home after work for dinner etc. Our couple of hours at night are the family time and weekends we have different groups of friends and family that take up a lot of time. We honestly, dont really do playdates. She gets enough socialization at daycare and through our other friends/family.
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@podomama: are you still experiencing this problem? I noticed this thread is over a year old. I'm curious how things went!
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@TerBA: If you are looking for may "play date" style places, have you tried things like story time at the library and such? I feel like those are much more geared towards those looking for play time.
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@TerBA: how old is your LO? Have you had any birthday parties for her? I find that's a great way to meet and socialize with other parents.
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@TerBA: We don't do playdates either. My kid plays with all the other kids at school all day long! He's there 9 hours a day, five days a week, so I feel like he's getting plenty of socialization! He doesn't need his weekends packed too. It's nice to just unwind and spend time as a family on the weekends (and half of those are spent socializing with family anyway).
Although I'd like to think I don't come across as unfriendly or hostile! I just don't have time to hang out and chat or do playdates!
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@TerBA: I don't think it's really sad that other parents are only focused on their own child's well being. It's really not the responsibility of other parents to make sure your child has playmates. If you are looking for that kind of relationship I would seek out play groups where others are looking for the same thing. I'm never outright rude to people at daycare and always say hello, but I really don't go beyond that. We have a few families from school that we are really close to and we hang out all the time. I'm really not looking for more friends for myself or LO, and our schedule is really busy, so I would probably refuse play date requests from other kids. I don't think that makes me a terrible person.
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As a person that might seem unfriendly. I do try to smile and say hi and maybe chit chat with other mothers at places but I can relate to other moms that might not want to. We don’t do daycare yet but we take LO to weekly gym classes and museums and general kid activities a lot.
The concept of more friends is sort of paralyzing to me because friendships takes so much time and energy. I know a lot of people don’t think that but for me it feels like that and so I just don’t want to open myself up for new friends. I am already busy trying to maintain the friendships I currently have.
I am definitely torn thinking I’m a bad person sometimes but I need to do what’s best for me.
Though I am surprised you are meeting so many people like this. I would think there would be at least one other person that would be open to a new friendship.
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@TerBA: My child plays with the other kids at daycare for 8+ hours a day. The 2 hours he's awake at home he doesn't need more socialization. And on the weekends he does just fine with only us. Every so often we see friends with kids, but we've never once gone out of our way to schedule a playdate. We've also never been asked for one either. I think the parents of kids in daycare have other fish to fry.
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So one thing I have noticed is that there is a difference between day care and preschool....in our preschool, which only has programs that are a max of 4 hours, parents are actually looking to socialize outside of the program. This is my son's second year and he's had regular play dates with several of the kids. I think it's because there are more stay at home moms. When the kids get older, they also start asking for playdates. I don't know where my son learned about it, but he regularly asks me if I know Lala's mom's cell phone number to call her for a play date.
When he was in a daycare program where both parents were working, he was only invited to birthday parties. We didn't have a single playdate that year.
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@looch: Thanks for the clarification! My son goes to daycare, so perhaps it is different, although our daycare also has preschool classes that are all day, just like the toddler and infant rooms, so I have viewed them as the same thing. But you're right - there are other preschools that are for short period of time during the day that SAHPs use, so I can definitely see where those parents/kids might want playdates!
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I agree that not everyone is there to make friends, find playdates, etc, but not responding to someone that said hi to you, not thanking someone that held the door for you.. That's common courtesy!
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I think its very short sighted and cliquish to say "I have enough friends already". You never know when your friends are going to move away, or no longer have as much time to spend with you, or whatever. You should really be open to making new friends, because you never know, you might just find yourself all alone some day.
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Truth Bombs, do you really not care at all about the well being of other peoples children? Wow, I can't believe you actually admitted that.
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@TerBA: In the time it takes me to drop off and pick up my kid from preschool, no, I'm not contemplating whether little Johnny in her class needs me to be responsible for filling up his social calendar. It doesn't mean I hope he's a failure in life. It just means I have other things going on to worry about.
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@TerBA: I'm not really sure why my child's loneliness / wellbeing is the responsibility of some other parent. My daughter is an only child. I'm a SAHM. We go to preschool 3x a week for 3 hours each time. That's a good amount of socialization for us. If we have additional play dates on top of that, that's great - but we keep busy enough throughout the week that it's not necessary. I would never, ever imply that anyone OWES me or my daughter anything. My husband and I are the only ones that are responsible for her wellbeing. Nobody else.
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@TerBA: I think for a lot of working parents, "play dates" happen at school. Weekends are short and reserved for family time for most of the families i know with 2 parents working. Unless we are friendly with the parents, too so it can be a joint "play date" for the whole family! When I worked part time, play dates were during my days off so we didn't take away from DHs time with her. She's only 18 months so can't really express desire for a play date yet anyways...
I was also too busy flying in and out during drop off and pick up to have time for small talk. But, I do exercise common courtesy and always say hi to people:
That stinks. 
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