Hellobee Boards

With Xander, I try to give him tips on what he can say and how he can say it for next time. Like "Instead of yelling, next time just say 'My name is Xander and I want to be alone please' or 'No thank you, I don't want to play'."

I agree with modeling/explaining the preferred behavior -- using a calm voice, voicing your opinion to be left alone at that time, etc.

I also try to be careful about labelling my kids, so instead I might word it as "it's ok if you are feeling shy today/right now". That way they know that having that feeling and wanting to be alone is an ok thing, but that they aren't always/don't have to ALWAYS be shy. If that makes sense? My personal experience has been that things like that can be self-fulfilling (e.g., someone told me i am shy = i am always 100% shy = i can't do xyz because i'm a shy person), but that might just be my hangup

I tell my son when he is being rude, it took him a while to Understand what it meant. I tend to show my son how what he does affects other people by turning the tables on him and behaving towards him they way he behaved. It's very effective for him.

@mediagirl: How old is your daughter?

@mediagirl: I'm sorry, I know it's not funny, but I had to laugh. What's with girls at this age??? W does the same thing and I make her apologize and then go sit by herself until she can get "in control" and treat people respectfully.

My DD has been pushing some limits lately so we talk about things being nice or not nice - its even turned into a game of sorts at bedtime - she asks me to name things and she guesses if they are nice or not. So for your DD you can say "When that little girl called you the wrong name and you yelled at her... that was not nice" When someone calls you the wrong name you can just say "No, I'm not Molly I'm Jane" that would be nice.

If someone wants to play and you don't you say "no thank you I want to play alone" That would be nice
If you said "Go away!" that wouldn't be nice.

@mediagirl: My 3.5 yo daughter tried out "I'm shy" after picking it up at daycare. She isn't shy but she enjoyed experimenting with the new idea and really liked being rude.

We often talk to LO about separating feelings from actions (It's ok to feel angry but it isn't ok to act mean). In this case it was "It's ok to feel nervous/shy but it isn't ok to be rude to others." Once the rude behavior was cut off she lost interest in being shy.

My daughter picked up 'I'm shy' from her preschool class at age 4. I was so annoyed. It took a year to undo it. Well, actually a year of that class where she learned it and a few more months of summer break to undo it.

In retrospect, I wonder if she picked it up there (and used it inappropriately) because she never learned it from us, she was just observing and testing out vocabulary in action. Maybe little girls like to be called shy from what they see at school!!