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Egh, I hate people who take advantage. My sister in law expect my inlaws to babysit their daughters on weekends because they want to go out. Um, they have a life too.

this makes me pretty angry because we have no grandparents nearby to help out and we'd die to have them available like your mom is for your sister's son. If either set of grandparents were to retire and move close to us to help with childcare, Rob Sr. and I are fully prepared to compensate them in some way, whether it be to pay them or provide something like a car or housing.

To answer your question, I think a lot of grandparents DO do this job for free... and I think a lot of parents expect the grandparents to do so. As someone who has zero help / family around, I would never expect a grandparent to do it for free. Even if they refused payment, I would find some way to compensate them.

I can definitely see why you are upset about this. She should be treated better. However, I agree that she should speak up if she isn't happy babysitting. My MIL refuses to babysit when she is visiting, which sucks since we have no help, but I respect her wishes. No one should be forced into doing something.

I agree with what many others have said here - that depending on the situation, it can be taking advantage of the grandparents. My parents babysit periodically on weekends for my sisters' toddlers but they love it and basically beg to do it! I really don't know if she has ever offered to pay them. My mom has also watched the grandkids during the week when my sister has work issues, etc. Again, I know she offers to do it, but not sure if my sister has ever offered to pay.

My mom has already offered to babysit our LO for 1-2 days a week when I go back to work (rather than putting the baby in day care for that day or nanny). I definitely like the idea of 1 day a week but worry that 2 days a week could be taking advantage particularly if she won't accept $. I intend to offer to pay her and if she refuses I will do something nice for her monthly (spa gift card, restaurant gift card, etc).

Maybe she could schedule a monthly long cruise somewhere. That should get the message across!

Similar to Rachel, we have spoken with my mom about her moving closer to us and us paying her to nanny. My mom is curently being treated like the OP's, by my sister. Every time she has a day off she's expected to watch my nephew, who's 3. She pays for clothes and other stuff for him, and whenever she tries to say no, my sister guilts her into watching him. We're talking my mom gets off work at 6:30 a.m. and has my nephew by 10 a.m., and he doesn't go home until midafternoon 2 days later, before my mom has to work at 10 p.m. Down here, we'd pay her and if she wanted to work, she'd get much better pay. She's considering the idea.

My dad always says that when I am ready to go back to work, he is going to retire and take care of my son. There is no way he would accept any money from us, so there is no point in even trying to offer it or save it for them. He would be extremely offended because he has taken pains to provide for his retirement. It would be another story if he stopped working to take care of DS and needed the money of course. He would be happiest if we took that money and put aside for DS's schooling. I know he would offer this to my brother as well, so I don't have any guilt about taking him up on his offer when the time comes.

For my parents, this is an expression of their love. As children get older and independent, it becomes difficult to be a parent in the way that they are used to, so they look for new ways. I am having a bit of trouble articulating this, but in the end, it really depends on your family dynamics.

In the OP's situation, I'd just suggest that her mom just not be available by a certain date. Set a deadline and stick to it.

My ILs watch DS (almost 5 months old now) once a week for about 3-5 hours. We don't pay them, they will not take it anyway. However, I make it a point to buy them dinner for that evening since they spent most of the day watching LO. They get to have their fun/time with him and I don't feel guilty about not compensating them.

Absolutely not. Grandparents already raised their kids, it's not their job to raise their kids kids. Then again, I hate the idea of "grandma daycare" under almost all circumstances so this would never fly with me.

My MIL watches our niece a few times a week and makes a financial sacrifice in order to do so. She does it to help my BIL and SIL because they can't afford full time daycare but if you ask me, thats something they probably should have thought about before they tried (and successfully) got pregnant. Now my IL's struggle to make ends meet because my MIL only works part time. It's a crappy situation.

@anewme: My mom watches J for us everyday, but we pay her. We're lucky in the fact that we don't have to pay for the days he's not there (when weather is bad or we have a holiday, etc) so that's a really nice added bonus! BUT I'd never expect her to watch him from 8-5 while I'm at work without any compensation. If she babysits on a weekend she doesn't ask for payment but we'll order her food while we're gone (and we rarely ask her to do weekends so she doesn't feel taken advantage of!)

OP, I would not consider what your mom is doing as babysitting. When I think of grandparent babysitting or anybabysitting really is infrequent and is for a few hours or a short overnight visit. What your mom is providing is childcare and she should be compensated. I would love to say it should be free and paying your parent feels weird, but paying your parent (going rate or deep discount) is the right thing to do.

If you say something would that create too much drama? Does your mom feel like she should receive compensation?

Not at all. I think a conversation needs to take place between the parents and grandparents to go over expectations, etc. Both parties should be upfront about what theyre willing to do or not do, pay or not pay. Communication is key!!

When I went back to work, my mom offered to watch LO for me a couple days a week and said upfront she didnt want to be paid.

That being said, she only watches her on Mondays and Thursdays from 12:30-2:30. So, only four hours a week.

My mom would probably be offended if I put LO in daycare and didnt let her watch LO for at least a couple hours a week. She loves her time with her.

Sounds like your sister is taking advantage. That is rough. That being said, I am honestly really disappointed my mom told me she was "too busy" to watch my LO one day a week...