I know, many of you warned me. My DS is almost 4 months now and while he is amazing, he's sleeping less and demanding more attention. I've tried setting him up to play with DH (who is disabled) but we're in a fussy period and he's fighting naps, fighting feelings, you name it. I WAH 4 days a week and I feel like I get nothing done. I'm super stressed cause I can't seem to put the baby down long enough to send and email. It's almost 1 pm and I haven't showered or made lunch. E hasn't napped for more than 10 minutes at a time today. I can't even work after he goes to sleep because that's when I help DH shower (if DS even stays asleep, which is rare). I have no family here and can't afford more child care than I already have. Help!
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Can you wear him? That's all I've got...
Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do it with DS1. I can do it (at least so far) with DS2, but it's hard.
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Yeah wearing him sounds like the only thing that might help. At least your hands would be free to work. But if he's fussy it will probably still be hard to focus. Does he comfort nurse? I would probably pop LO on the boob in a carrier if I really needed her to chill for a while.
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Ugh so sorry, I can't even imagine trying to do all that and still work from home! Is there any way you can shift your hours when you work at home? Maybe have DH put the baby to bed and you could work 6pm-10pm and then just get a few more in during nap time? Or if baby sleeps in a little wake up before him and do the same in the morning?
Good luck!
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I second wearing him. Or have your DH wear him.
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I had a baby that wouldn't nap and had to be held a lot. I can't imagine trying to work at the same time.
Can I ask what your long term plan is? You might have to just bite the bullet and start paying for more child care now. You might have to cut back in other areas but at least this way your work won't suffer and you won't be so stressed.
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I was coming in here to say wear the baby too, for short term relief! If you don't have a carrier and don't want to spend a lot, look for a local babywearing group! There are also carrier b/s/t groups on FB (wall me if you need info!)
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@macintosh: have you thought about care down the line? Unfortunately, it will get tougher once your LO is mobile.
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I think its just a hard time right now anyway at 4 months.
I would wear him and see if that helps.
Closer to 5-6 month we started using the exersaucer and I would put DD in it while she watched her baby signing videos - gave me a good 30 mins (or whoever was watching her). Also putting them in a p-n-p with some toys will be easier to do also.
As for right now - is there a middle schooler or someone who could act as a mothers helper an hour a day so you can take care of DH and do some stuff?
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I'm so sorry.
FWIW, at 4 months when I went back, is when he went to daycare and learned how to nap. The key at that age was not missing the nap window.
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What does your morning look like? That would be the best nap and the most likely time for you to get some work done.
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I agree that it can be really tough!
Does he like to go outside? LO was a bit older when I started WAH (7 months) but before I had childcare, we would sit outside in the yard a lot. I would put her on a blanket sitting up in a Boppy. All the leaves and critters would blow her mind for about 15 minutes, and then I would pull out some toys that would keep her occupied about another 15 minutes. So I could work for about 30 minutes - and I got fresh air!
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I'm sorry it's so hard! Is working while nursing an option? Or babywearing? Or finding a high school kid to take LO out in a stroller for an hour?
I remember going flat out insane WAH with a four month old. Remember to at least eat and drink on time, even if he cries while you're at it! You've got to take care of yourself too.
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It is SO hard. I WAH with no help with LO1, and it was nearly impossible. I couldn't even wear him and work. I had to wait until DH was home and I worked a lot of nights. I would definitely look at your medium to long term plan because, unfortunately, it is very difficult to WAH with children at home, especially as they get older and mobile and need constant supervision.
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My LO is about the same age as yours and I "WAH" one day a week. I make sure that right after he wakes up and eats I play with him pretty intensely for 30 minutes on the floor including tummy time, practicing sitting, noisy stuff etc.. Then he'll chill on his own for like 15 minutes on play-mat or under his mobile and I can check email and do some quick things. When he whines he does into the carrier and will (eventually) take a nap and I can get some real work in.
I'm not going to lie, on a good day I get 3-4 hours of actual work done, then I make up the time after he goes to sleep. It works because my work is really flexible and I can remote into meetings even if he's awake because I mute myself and walk him around.
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Have you tried nap training so he sleeps longer stretches? 10 minutes seems really short for that age. Maybe do that on your days off and hope he gets used to it for the days you're working
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Wear that baby! I usually can let DD play alone (7 months) for a while but today and tomorrow I'm working on site, so I just wear her. My shoulders are crying so be sure to take breaks. You can do it!
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Thank you all! Sometimes wearing helps, but today he wasn't happy in the Ergo unless I was moving. I had to take a call while walking around the block.
Typically I have DH bottle feed him in the sling, but today he just wasn't having it. He likes sitting in Dad's lap, but DH only has one good arm so he can't hold him like that for long. DH can't put him to sleep because he only falls asleep with either rocking or nursing,
I feel like I'd be ok if he was napping better or more predictably. His night sleep is so crazy right now that I go to sleep at midnight and wake multiple times at night. We're up for the day be 7 or 8.
I had hope to not have to do any cry it out, but I'm afraid I may need to try it. It makes me sad to think about it.
I'm not sure what my long term plan is. Honestly, we're just surviving right now. My mom is paying for a nanny 1.5 days per week and I can't ask for more. I'm hoping that DH can help more as E gets older by playing with him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love him to pieces, but I need to work too.
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@macintosh: Could DH sit next to the crib/bassinet and pat him? Thats what they do at this age at daycare. Its still CIO but you are right there to try to help comfort.
Also at that age, LO started looking at the mobile. I would teach him to lay and look at that for the 2 minutes and then let him fuss for a big before I went back in.
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@macintosh: I really feel for you, lady. Thinking of you & hoping it gets easier. I'm preparing to start WAH half time soon & am wondering how on earth I'm going to get anything done, myself. DH works full time & goes to school, too, so I'm doing ~90% of the parenting, I believe. I can hardly get things done now, let alone with with work added on top. I'm expecting to wear DD as much as I can & request more task oriented assignments than scheduled meetings, etc, if possible, so that I can be really flexible in when I do the work. I do like some of the suggestions of a mother's helper. I think a friend of mine did this when her LO was a baby. Not sure how to find someone, though.
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Do you have a vibrating bouncy chair? Saved my sanity often!
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@macintosh: I know that you are in the trenches with his poor sleep, but once we hit 3.5 months we started the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. A whole month later we are out of it and his night time sleep has become more regular again. It sounds like your situation is very difficult, but you may need just a few more days/weeks before he is out of this huge developmental time. I hope you find a solution that works for both you and LO!
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Do you ever wear him in a wrap? My DS will resist naps in a buckle carrier but he gets all cozy and will pass right out when I wrap him.
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@macintosh: Oh your situation sounds so stressful. I'm sorry
I also work at home and my babies have stayed (are staying) with me until they went (will go) to full time daycare at 9/10 months. My kids were both not so amazing crib nappers until about 3 months. That was usually the point when I got tired of holding them for every nap. So I made an effort for 2-3 days to really get them to sleep in their cribs. There was some crankiness involved but never any CIO. I would just sit there with them pat their backs, stroke their cheeks whatever worked for the respective child (my first napped on his belly, my second had to be swaddled for daytime sleep too). What was also important was that I'd take them to bed the minute they started getting tired. For my second that's the moment she isn't happy without a pacifier anymore. And often that was only 30-45min after she got up from her last nap. From then on both napped really well compared to other stories I've heard. Luckily for me I don't work full hours so that helped too. What also helped was doing what you did yesterday when I had long conf calls I'd often deliberately have baby in the stroller/carrier and be on a walk, I also have a bouncy chair next to my desk that I can put baby in when I need to finish something up and she's awake.
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@macintosh: Oh, I feel you completely on the poor sleep, my son's sleep was and remained unpredictable until he was almost 4 years old. I was beating myself up over it until I realized my husband is also a poor sleeper as an adult. It's just the way some people are wired.
Some ideas, if your son needs motion to sleep, maybe a swing for naps during the day? You can get him all buckled in, your husband could possibly feed him that way and away you go. I think the hard part for you is that you need to do some of the tasks, which lets your son know that you are there and it becomes impossible for you to leave, do you know what I mean? It's a lot easier when you can "leave" and not be involved, it forces your son to accept that you're not there.
Your situation sounds incredibly challenging, just know that you are not alone in this endeavor, I somehow feel touched by your story.
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I just want to say thank you all for the support! Thursday was the roughest day of a rough week. That night I stayed up late after LO and DH were in bed to finish a project. On Friday our nanny comes for a half day, so I was able to go work at Starbucks, I presented to my client and he was thrilled, so I felt much better. It's amazing how much I can get done in just a few uninterrupted hours.
I feel like I just need to manage my time better, which isn't easy when you're sleep deprived and pulled in multiple directions. E is napping better and not as fussy as he was a few days ago. We also got a high chair, which he LOVES to sit in cause he can see what's going on and I interact with DH if I'm busy. It even has wheels so I can bring him with me if I need to be in the kitchen.
This mama thing is hard work, but so worth it! Today is my birthday so we're gonna make it a good day
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@macintosh: happy birthday
and I am so glad that things are looking brighter!
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@macintosh: happy birthday!!!
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Happy birthday!
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Happy birthday!
Do you have a RnP? You could probably pick one up pretty I expensively 2nd hand. Your husband might be able to rock LO in that.
Sleep for my DS was pretty bad until we sleep trained at 7 months. It feels like an eternity from now, but at 6 months he might be ready for a 2-3-4 nap schedule which DS did great on. He did especially great with someone holding him, maybe DH could do that?
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