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@CatchAFallingStar: I have the same thoughts and worries. Did you have any discussions with your OB after birth of your second daughter about ppa? I think the all-consuming worry that something bad is going to happen is not normal. I feel comfortable saying that because I feel that way too sometimes. It was worse when my lo was younger. I'd suggest talking to someone. Maybe your OB can make the first suggestion on who?

I'm due next week with my second and after all the worries and anxieties I had with my first, I'm pretty sure I'll be askijg for help this time around.

Yes, it is normal to worry about your kids. But the amount of worry you seem to have does not seem normal. Based on so many of your posts I think you could really benefit from a therapist. But also know you might not click with the first therapist you try. It can, sometimes, take a couple of tries to find the right fit. I wish you luck!

Short version is, no it is not normal, and yes I've definitely been in your shoes. Call your OB right now and leave a message if you have to. Say that you Have been experiencing anxiety ever since baby's birth, and for probably longer, and you really need to speak to someone. Therapy would be great but push for meds meanwhile. Meds take a while to take effect and build-up in your system, so it's best to start right away.

I say this based on this post and many others.

Sounds normal I'm getting a fair bit of that now, maybe because I'm used to everything being an uphill battle, and when it gets easier, I keep expecting the other shoe to drop. But as others say, seeing someone can help and might get your worry to a more manageable level.

Not normal. Seek help.

I’ve been there - you are missing time with your sweet girls obsessing. This time last year I was in a dark place and I have so many regrets I didn’t get help sooner. I wasted so much time worrying. I was physically worn down by the emotional toll it was taking on me.

I think it's pretty normal to have these sorts of fears (we all love our kids more than life itself), but if they are interfering with your enjoyment of your children and the thoughts intrude to the point where you are unable to focus on anything else, I think you're right--it's time to seek outside help. I get it, mama, and it's hard--sending lots of love your way.

Ok, coming back to add more detail. I had a horrible year about 4 years ago with multiple traumatic events (deaths, losses, floods, IF, etc). IT triggered anxiety that basically everything good was hanging on a precipice and I was too lucky to have a baby and that at any point, something would happen to him (scorpions, drowning, eating rocks, choking, falling, SIDS(!!), disease, car accident, etc). It was like the volume in my head was way up and it was a non-stop mantra of worries that I was drowning in and didn't realize that I was. Many times I promised myself I'd call and get help the next morning, and then I would chicken out.

Over time, especially at the 1 year mark, things got better and better. I then looked back in retrospect and realized I NEVER wanted to live like that again and that it was NOT healthy for me OR my relationships. I talked about it openly with my friends, husband, and OB, and made them hold me accountable.

When the worries got out of control and started impacting my marriage at 5 months postpartum, I called and left a message on the nurse line at my OB. She called back right away, called in a Zoloft script, and had me start the next day, and come in for a talk. I then have met with her every 3 months to talk. She will prescribe Zoloft until 1 year postpartum then wants me to switch to a therapist of general doctor.

It has been a game changer for me. I didn't realize life could be this way. I am a more relaxed person about everything. I am more pleasant to be around, honestly. When I buckle my son into his car seat, I think "good enough" and then think "woahhhh is that how other moms feel?" when my daughter eats a leaf at the park, I think "oh darn" and then "wow, I didn't think she would die.... that's nice." When I think about my kids spending 8 hours away from me, I think about all the lovely things and skills they are learning while being loved by their grandparents, instead of obsessing over their sleep and diet.

Therapy was a hard commitment for me as a working mom and because all of my anxiety centers around being away from my kids, so more therapy means more time away. I have not gone to therapy but I think I have gained a lot of new perspective since Zoloft has turned the anxiety volume way done, I can see things more clearly. I am weaning off of it right now and trying to keep my new perspectives.

@CatchAFallingStar: I'm sorry you're going through this. I too have similar anxieties you have and while I know they are irrational (the health paranoia especially) I can't help but feel them. I feel like my brain has been hijacked since having kids and I'm not the same person in terms of worry. interestingly, there's a lot of nasceny research that shows our post-natal brains really *are* hijacked. Even things like MRIs show significant changes in our neurological chemistry and hormonal makeup. They say it's evolutionarily important for moms to become extremely anxious through the early stages of their kids' lives as a protective measure. It's fascinating if you want to look into it (aka Google lol).
So I do see a therapist but I don't think it's been any magic thing that made me feel better. A lot of it was to get people off my back lol. But I am in a better place. Really, surrending to the fact that motherhood in these early years is just tremendously hard has made me feel better. I have a 3 year old and I am definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (well,... I'm 34 weeks pregnant so things will be dark soon, but I know there is light at the end of these early times when we are in the trenches!)
Hope this helped.

I had a lot of intrusive thoughts and anxiety post partum. The second time around was much worse. The sleep deprivation was a major factor. Also my MIL caused a huge amount of tension between my DH and me. It was a shitty time. Zoloft didn't help me because my DH gave me so much grief about taking it. Things eventually got better. It took a long time though. I scaled back my work ambitions and focused more on self care and my family. It sucks, because we're pretty strapped for cash, but I no longer feel hollowed out all the time. You're only 9 months out? Things started improving for me at the 18 month mark. I suppose I could have gotten help sooner, but I had no back up child care, no health insurance, and no energy to make the damn phone call. My mom had a pretty similar PPD experience. She didn't have to worry about the MIL factor. I knew I should have listened to her advice and married an orphan. I know how hard it is and I'm sure you're doing the best you can.