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Same as @Smurfette:
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He didn't care. I wanted to take his because I've never been a fan of my maiden name.
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Names don't matter too much to him. He was willing to take mine if I wanted. But I wanted to leave everything as is, his with his and mine with mine. However, I've always wanted DD to take his name.
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@MamaCate: I found it hilarious I only have his name in one state.
I really didn't change my name because I was too lazy to inform the world of my name change and I would have had to pay extra to change my passport lol. Plus I don't look like I should have his last name. He's white and I'm Asian and my last name is extra long so I do expect people to be able to remember/ spell it correctly
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When I was dating and marrying DH, I still had my ex husband's last name, so we both agreed I needed to ditch that, lol. I only kept it because it's DS's last name, but it hasn't ever been a problem.
I never felt a need to keep my maiden name. I have 2 brothers to carry on the name, and it's a really unique, crazy spelled/pronunciation name. So, my middle name is still the middle name I've always had.
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@Mrs. Pen: respect is a two-way street, though. For me, it was important to know that he was flexible on this. If either one of us had been super-adamant and unwilling to consider other solutions, I would have worried about the future!
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I think my husband wanted me to take his last name, but I wanted to change it to his myself, so it wasn't an issue. That said, I cried the day I changed it and he insisted I could go change it back if I wanted. My happiness was more important to him than me having his last name. I do sometimes wish I had hyphenated, though, but I'm way too lazy to do anything about it now.
My maiden is a man's name, and we had quite a few people suggest I use it as ours son's middle. But it's a lame male name, so we didn't.
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I wanted to take his name anyway (and I like it better than my maiden name), but I know he would have been very upset had I not wanted it.
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Nope, he took mine.
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It was a non-issue because I wanted his last name. When we dated he gave me monogram jewelry with his last name initial-my choice. He would have made the case for me taking his last name if I wasn't already so willing.
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He was pretty upset when I didn't want to change it. In my defense- it's bad.... Like Julia gulia from the wedding singer kinda bad. I agreed that children will have his last name, I will be mrs. hislastname (it means wife of mr, which I am) and we will be the hislastname family, but I hyphenated it with his last name before mine, I thought it sounded better. We so have a nickname made from our last names that I agreed to change my name to if he did, he refused the offer
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When I asked him if he would be upset if I kept my maiden name he said no. He's somewhat traditional, so I knew he wanted me to change it, even though he said it didn't matter to him. I had always planned on changing my last name to my husbands.
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I kept my maiden name. He's cool with it. I would be mad if he wasn't cool with it.
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I hesitated about changing my name and found out it was a deal breaker if I didn't!! I had no idea he was that passionate about it. And as a weird move I put my last name in with my middle name after we got married. Hindsight would've allowed me to see that I wasn't going to lose my identity if I didn't have my maiden name anymore. Now that we have a baby, I'm glad we all have the same last name - makes things a lot easier and more unified!!
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I never thought about NOT taking his name, he would have been really hurt if I decided to keep mine.
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He slightly preferred that I take his name but was no where near adamant about it.
I did finally take his name legally after 3.5 years married and five years together as a surprise. I thought I was being romantic and was excited to show him my new ID. He didn't really care. It was more anticlimactic than romantic.
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yep. to this day, even though i have the most ridiculous name ever, and can guarantee that i'm the only one on th is earth with my name.... he wanted me to take it, so i did.
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I didn't particularly care at the time, but I knew DH would appreciate it if I changed my name, so I did. I know he's have also been fine with it if I hadn't changed my name- his mom never changed her name and both DH and his brother had their mom's last name as their middle name, so it's not like it was a new concept for him. I would have been ticked off if DH had tried to press the issue knowing that I didn't want to change it, but that would have been really unlike him.
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Kind of the opposite: my DH said he thought it would be "weird" if I wanted to suddenly just ditch my name. He never expected me to take his name.
I didn't take his name because I like my last name with my first name more than his last name with my first name and because I already had a name so I didn't see any reason to change it.
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It was important to both of us. I loved (and still do) his last name, and hated my maiden one. But even if I didn't, my DH would have been very hurt if I didn't take his name. It wouldn't be a deal breaker by any means, but he would have been bummed for sure.
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I kept my name and it was a non-issue. I wouldn't have reacted well if DH had told me I had to change my name.
In our circle very few women have changed their names. Also, DH's last name is difficult to spell and pronounce..all of his sisters couldn't wait to get rid if it when they got married!
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I always planned to keep mine. He didn't care. We talked about creating a new name, a combination of both of ours, but neither of us really wanted to change our names.
I kept mine, he kept his, we gave our daughter his last name with a family name from my side as a middle name.
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I kept my last name and he didn't seem overly upset about it. Of course he would have liked it if I took his name, but he understood my reasons for wanting to keep mine. I've had this name my whole life, it's part of my identity and it's pretty unique. I just didn't feel that getting married was a reason to give it up.
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My maiden name was a mouthful and I liked his name better. But I did move my maiden to my middle name since I never liked my middle name. It was pretty much all my decision, he didn't express a strong opinion one way or the other. (although he thought the middle name thing was "weird")
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OliviaOblivia: I'm glad I read your comment--it made me laugh. I will likely change my name once we have children, and I thought about revealing my name change in some touching way. Really, I can see my husband not caring. I mean, he doesn't really care now, so why would he care later? Good to keep the expectations in check!
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He wanted me to take his but I wouldn't. I love my family and still don't feel ready to be part of his.
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@Mrs. Yoyo: yes, this! Him bring super adamant about it would have gotten a very serious reaction out of me.
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I wanted to have the same last name as my family/children so I always planned to change my name. Not sure if he would have been disappointed if I hadn't...I've never asked since it was always my plan to change it!
I also didn't have any attachment to my name. My parents divorced when I was young and my dad wasn't really around. My step-dad has been my father for over 18 years and I didn't really like having a different name than him/my family. Now I feel like I have a good reason to have a different name than them if that makes sense!
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yes, extremely so. i mentioned the night after the wedding I was considering hyphenating and it caused a huuuuuge fight. haha. starting off on the right foot..
anyway, I ended up changing my last name but keeping my maiden as my legal middle (my middle name is still on my SS card, though..two middles?).
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My husband truly didn't care, as he knows that I love my maiden name. I plan to take his name, eventually, just haven't gotten around to making all the legal changes.
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I never really thought about keeping my name much. I asked him what he thought, and he said he would be ok if I hyphenated...mainly b/c any kids that we had would have a different last name than one of us. I just took his since I didn't have too much of an attachment to my maiden name.
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Nope. I kept my name. I said I would hyphenate if he did, or we could change to something else entirely (neither of us liked that option). He was a little upset at first but when I pointed out how irrational he was being (he likes to think of himself as very progressive and open minded) he quickly shut up. He's now perfectly ok with the situation. Our child(ren) will have both our names. This is important to me because if we ever live in my home country his last name is a slang term, very derogatory, and would definitely lead to some playground bullying. We have said our child could temporarily drop his name and use mine in that situation. Also, at the time we were married, we were in the middle of visas and green card applications (he's American, I am not) and it was just not worth the hassle (nor the added expense !!) to change either of our names.
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I don't think we ever once discussed it. I didn't even know women kept their maiden names! (I definitely grew up in a bubble)
Part of me really misses my maiden name because it was my identity for so long, and because it was EASY to spell (definitely top 10 last names - ETA just looked it up, #2!).
The other part of me was glad to mix up my name, because my first, middle and maiden name are SOO popular that it was painfully boring. -
I knew it was important to him that I change it, and it was important to me that we and our kids have the same name. But if I'd had a huge objection to it, I'm guessing he would've gotten over it. I do like that we share a name, but sometimes it feels like it would've been easier to keep my maiden name.
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@Mrs. Pen: I guess my DH and I maintain a little more of a sense of independence in our marriage, but even so, I did consider his preferences when making the decision. But in the end, changing my name would have made me more resentful and unhappy than me not changing it makes him, so it was a pretty straightforward choice. My DH and I see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, but on the occasions we don't, I'm not going to just cave and change my views because he wants me to. If he can make a good case for his views, I'm willing to be swayed; in this situation, he didn't really have any good reasons beyond "it's what I want." And that wasn't nearly enough to trump my reasons for keeping my name. Also, like @Mrs. Yoyo said, I would worry about our ability to weather the bigger storms that are certain to happen during our marriage if he was all "my way or the highway" about this, and hence would have had serious reservations about whether we should get married in the first place.
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It was never a discussion, I wanted to share a name, and love that my name is now more unique. I think he would have been bothered though if I hadn't.
I'm frankly surprised so many women kept there maiden name on HB. I cannot think of one married couple that i know IRL who don't share the man's last name.
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In our culture, it is totally up to the couple. There isn't a norm. I'd say the majority of women do what I am doing: I have my maiden and I use it legally, but I allow and do not correct people if thy call me mrs.husbands LN or write "mr.&mrs.." On our mail or whatever. I use emails and usernames with his last name all the time!
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WHen I mentioned the idea of changing my name, DH was shocked and said he always assumed I would keep my name. It really wasn't even important to him.
I may hyphenate at some point, just because C has his last name, but I don't kow. It's been 3 years already.
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Yes, he actually said not changing it was a deal breaker for him cause it was no important to have a cohesive name. I thought that was a bit extreme but didn't care and was OK with changing it.
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I always wanted to change my name and it was something that was important to DH. I like having the same family name together. Honestly, changing it was a lot harder than I expected. I really liked my maiden name and I miss it. DH's last name is not very interesting. I'm used to it now though.
I really didn't change my name because I was too lazy to inform the world of my name change and I would have had to pay extra to change my passport lol. Plus I don't look like I should have his last name. He's white and I'm Asian and my last name is extra long so I do expect people to be able to remember/ spell it correctly
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