My DH was very adamant about me taking his last name, even though I didn't want to. I had a somewhat stupid reason: I adore my maiden name, and really disliked his (kinda still do). I had no other reason to keep my name but I was upset about giving it up which seemed so trivial. DH was hurt when I said I wanted to keep it - so I took his name. Now it is one of LO's middle names.
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Yes. It's annoying. We are not married (yet), I don't know why I don't want it so bad. I don't want to get used to a whole new name. It's weird.
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When I brought up the idea of keeping my name, he seemed really hurt. He said he was OK with it, but he didn't really seem to be. So I compromised and made my middle name my maiden name and then took his. I also got his agreement that any and all children we have will have my maiden name as their middle name.
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DH really wants me to take his name.. but so far, I'm most comfortable keeping mine. I'll reevaluate at a couple later dates and see if that is still what I want.
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@mrsbookworm: I thought it would be easy to convince DH to let LO had my maiden name because he knew I had wanted to keep it but we fought about it so much while I was pregnant that LO ended up with two middle names!
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Nope. He thought I was weird when I changed my name to his.
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I kept my name. He never hassled me. If he had, we would have had a problem. Some things simply are not negotiable. I think he knows that
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it was never something we discussed. I'm not close with my father, so didn't feel tied to my maiden name at all and had always planned to change my name!
I think if I had wanted to keep my maiden name DH would have attempted to convince me otherwise
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Not his name, not his decision. That may sound cold, but I did offer to compromise by finding common ground and both changing our names somehow. He refused, and if he wasn't willing to make a change, I wasn't either (secretly, I was glad he didn't want to because I really just didn't want to change mine for a lot of reasons). Anyway, he'd be happier if I took his name but we wouldn't be married if he had insisted on it.
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@PurplePeony: yup, all this
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I didn't have a preference...
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No, he didn't really care, hence the reason I still have my maiden name!
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No, he just asked that I not hyphenate it since it would be very long and can get confusing.
I ended up moving my last name to a second middle name and adding his as my official last name (still confusing at times, but I love my decision). It's part of my identity and I didn't want to let it go completely. Plus I have professional papers under my maiden name, so I like keeping that link. For our first kiddo, we chose a name with the first letter of C as a nod to my last name too.
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@mrspen: My DH took it for granted for DS, but when I mentioned that if we had a 2nd, he/she would have the same middle name, he tried to renegotiate. I told him he'd already agreed and there was no going back!
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DH was pretty adamant, like to the point that he said he would never marry anyone who wouldn't change their name and be deeply offended. He's pretty traditional. We didn't have any problem, though, because I always knew I would take my DH's name.
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Nope. He actually wanted us to combine our names to make a new last name but we don't have cool enough last names for that so I just said I would change mine. It made me want to change my name even more after he really wanted us to have a new last name together.
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I kept my name. My mom kept hers, so family tradition? Also, my dh thinks is weird when a woman takes her husband name as it is not something that is done in his home country/culture. Win win!
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He didn't care. He offered to change his, but he's last in line with his last name, so I didn't think that was fair either. We both took each other's as second middle names.
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Not at all and I haven't bothered to change mine yet, in part because it doesn't matter to him. I have publications in my maiden name, and I've always liked it, so we'll see... I would sort of like to have the same last name as my LO.
ETA: he really did want LO to have his name though.
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@78h2o: same here, exactly! I have a pretty strong professional identity with my maiden name, but I have definitely thought about using my husband's last name outside of work.
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He really wanted me to take his name. That was what I wanted as well so we didn't have any issues.
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My maiden and married names are only two letters different and I spent my whole childhood being accidentally called by DH's last name. When I changed it, it was a relief. But even if it happened differently, I probably still would have changed my name because I am traditional like that. We never even discussed my keeping my name.
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It's one of the few things he was adamant about, it was okay with me since I always just assumed that's what women did and never felt like my name defined my relationship with my family (: I did feel a little itsy bitsy tiny bit sad when my social came in a new name (:
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No. I would not have married a man who insisted on my changing my name. My husband was happy that I did, but he didn't really care either way.
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Dh knew better than to argue with me. His parents were sad I didn't take the last name. They got me back by putting their last name on my ski/snowboarding owners pass. Oh my mil is so sneaky.
My dd has his last name. I wanted to hyphenate but her name would have been crazy long
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DH would prefer if we had the same last name, and to be honest, I would too, but it's too much of a pain in the arse to change it right now. Between sorting out all the immigration issues and trying to change it in three different countries, two from abroad, it's just too much of a hassle so I've just left it. It's not a huge deal to us but I know DH is sometimes bothered a bit that we're not just 'HisLastName Family', but instead the 'Myname-HisName Family'
To be honest though, I use his name socially and it's only when I have to show legal documentation that I use my maiden name.
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I think he would have been okay with it had I decided to keep my maiden name, but his last name was better than mine, so I was happy to change (I LOVE my married name!)
He would have wanted E and any other child we may or may not have to have his name though, regardless of whether or not I took it.
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@Mrs. Pen: Same! I love my maiden name. My married name is really common and boring, but can also inspire some skeevy jokes, which I've heard a thousand times now.
DH's compromise is that if our next LO is a girl, my mn will be her first name.
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DH didn't care but I wanted to take his name.
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He was pretty adamant that I take his name and was bummed when I decided to make my maiden name a second middle name so that I could use it academically. I then offered to have my academic name be FirstName MaidenName HisLastName and he got all huffy about it saying that if I was going to use his name academically at all, it didn't make sense for me to have my maiden name. So academically I use my maiden name, but otherwise I use his name.
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Honestly, I think he was a little surprised I wanted to take his name and be traditional. But its part of becoming a family in my eyes. I basically just added his on to the end of mine.
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@PurplePeony: as a married couple, we view everything- even little things- as joint decisions. It was important that I make that decision with him in mind even if it was "my" name. I wanted to show respect for my husband in that way.
@grizz: my maiden name has become a popular boys name, so although LO didn't get it as a first name it is his fist middle name and I love it! I told DH that J will always have a part of his name with his last name but no part of me in his name and that's when he conceded.
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I think he would have preferred that I take his last name because he's a bit traditional in that sense but I had told him when we were dating that I had always wanted to keep my maiden name.
I've always admired guys that were willing to change their last names to their wives' and had always secretly wished DH had offered.
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@PurplePeony: I'm with you -- my name, my decision. If it was important to him that we have the same last name, then I would want him to be equally open to changing his to mine. It's only fair that way.
Although I don't feel this way personally, I can understand feeling strongly about sharing a last name. I don't really understand a man feeling strongly about sharing a last name but only if it's his last name. That just seems sexist to me. I once read about a couple who had their families compete in a softball game. They changed their last name to the one of the family who won. I loved that story
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Yes.
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I never seriously considered changing my name and DH was fine with that.
Like @MediaNaranja, my mom did not change her name either so it is common on my side, as my brother's wife did not change her name either.
However, on DH's side it has been a real adjustment for people as no one even asked if i was changing my name and just sent mail to me with DH's last name. My MIL has been really good about making sure to get it right but other folks have not paid as much attention. I do just keep reminding people if it comes up!
@bunnylove08: this made me laugh/groan because we get stuff addressed to "the his last name" family" from his side. Nothing so permanent as owner's passes though.
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My DH didn't care either way... I've kept mine out of laziness.
He was pretty adamant that LO have his last name though he was open to hyphenation if I wanted. But I didnt love the combo so we kept it as just his name.
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It wasn't an issue because I wanted to take him name. He did say that he would have been upset if I didn't want to.
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It was really important to him. It was actually really important to me, too, because there are so many divorces in my family, and so many last names, I wanted my children to have the same last name as BOTH their parents.
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I wanted my whole family to share a last name, so I was willing to change it. Hubs would have been supportive of me keeping my name, but he was pleased that I changed it. Plus, in my province, you don't actually change your name. You and your spouse just gain the right to use eachother's name. Like an alias. So I never felt like I was losing my name.
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