I just received a wedding announcement from a distant relative. The return address had the bride's married name and I was eager to open it. I assumed the couple had run off and gotten married.
Inside I saw they were announcing their marriage - in two months. It definitely isn't an invitation since there is no time or location. A registry card was included.
Is this a new trend or a regional thing?
honeydew / 7622 posts
Regional I think? I thought they were sent after the wedding. I was just talking to someone about announcements yesterday.
Hey, you are not invited to my wedding in two months but here's my registry info so you can get me a gift?
grapefruit / 4649 posts
That's really strange... I've never heard of that before. I did get a wedding invitation and on the return envelope she was already using his last name, that also struck me as odd but she was using a stamp so i assume she just felt ridiculous buying one to use for this one thing as opposed to for everything after the wedding.
persimmon / 1310 posts
I've only ever received wedding announcements afterwards. And I never received one with registry info. Hm.
pomelo / 5509 posts
That's so weird...is there any way they got married legally before the "big" wedding? That could explain the last name. The announcement with registry card and no invitation sounds tacky though. I hope that's not a new thing.
clementine / 854 posts
Maybe it's supposed to be a save the date? Just not done the right way...
nectarine / 2173 posts
That's weird. We once got an actual invitation from a distant out of state relative - the wedding was in a week! So of course we wouldn't be able to go even if we wanted to. Felt super tacky. There was also glitter in the envelope. Nuff said? 
pomelo / 5258 posts
Ok, sounds like my reaction was in line with most others. I wasn't sure if I was judging too harshly. I would think my relative wouldn't be so clueless since this is a second wedding & marriage. Then again, the invite to the first wedding was just as 'non-traditional' but in a totally different way.
@Shizaz: I looked at it several times trying to interpret it as a save the date. The wording is "Mr. & Mrs. Xxxx announce their marriage on (upcoming date in fall)."
grapefruit / 4418 posts
Sounds like a save the date to me? I'd assume they got married legally already and this is the reception?
eggplant / 11824 posts
@Corduroy: the "save the date" lists them as Mr. And MRS already?!!! And she's already ordered/using address labels with his last name? Man, that is seriously calling out fate to hand you a curveball!
Sounds very weird all around; maybe a save the date but already using married name is throwing me off. Maybe they are married and there will just be a reception invite forthcoming?
grapefruit / 4321 posts
A save the date would be sent well before 2 months in advance. Now is the time to send actual invitations. Definitely sounds like a tacky gift grab to me.
pomelo / 5258 posts
@Truth Bombs: Yeah, I don't think the timing is right for a STD.
We already got an STD from DH's side of the family a few months ago for next year. That was it's own situation. I had no idea who the family member was. On a visit to DH's family I ran into the bride at a reunion. I introduced myself as DH's wife and thanked her lovely STD. She looked confused and said she didn't know who DH was. The bride knew SIL but went on to say she had no idea she had a brother. Cool, now that we've awkwardly established that we have no connection I don't have to book a flight to your wedding and you don't have to host us. Win/win!
persimmon / 1445 posts
Sounds a little gift grabby to me... But hopefully it's just a very late save the date.
nectarine / 2951 posts
Are you sure they didn't go to city hall or something? So weird! Sounds like she doesn't really know the etiquette around weddings.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
On further thought on this topic. I would probably call her out. I would send an email saying "We got the wedding invitation, and the registry card was included but it looks like ours is missing the card with the time and location information". Just to see what she has to say for herself.
olive / 62 posts
Wowz! Didn't know people got so upset about this stuff. We've definitely had our fair share of announcements w/o invites from distant relatives/family friends. I never thought they were particularly tacky because 1) It's nice to get the announcement, 2) I don't feel obligated to get a gift unless I actually want to, 3) I didn't want to go to the wedding + they didn't want to add us to the guest list = awesome. No sweat about whether or not to go.
pomelo / 5220 posts
Super weird. The only card I've ever gotten like that is an elopement announcement from my brother! that my best friend designed -- without telling me! hahaah... it's all good though, he had a small ceremony later for just family.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
@mand4: I think it's mostly the fact that it's before the wedding, includes a registry card. and she's using his name. I have happily received announcements before and even sent a gift. I think this is just a perfect storm of etiquette breaches.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
@mand4: Whether you feel obligated or not, the fact that they included the registry info means they expect you/are asking you to buy them a gift, but not inviting you to celebrate with them. That's the rude part.
pomelo / 5509 posts
@Truth Bombs: I agree. If I got a wedding announcement without a registry card or invitation and wanted to send a gift then I'd contact someone to ask about registry information. But that would be my choice.
pomelo / 5258 posts
It seems my generation got these announcements but so far no one in my mom's generation has. Maybe they will get invitations. So maybe it was a 'don't wait for your invitation when your parents get one' announcement. Is that a thing??
pineapple / 12566 posts
@Corduroy: I was going to ask about if you had consulted with other family members to see if they had more details. It still isn't very clear to me what's going on!
pomelo / 5258 posts
I finally got the story behind the announcements. The couple is not married yet. They will be getting married in the fall on the date "announced". Invitations are going to be sent out but I and the other announcement recipients are not (and will not be) invited.
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