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I don't believe that babies / children "manipulate" in the adult sense but rather that they learn about cause and effect - "I cry, Mum comes to help me", "I drop my toy, Mum picks it up".

I tend to work on a three strike rule - fling it off the high chair once or twice and I'll pick it up, do it a third time and it's gone!

@Mrs. Jacks: Thank you! Exactly what I wanted to say. Nice to hear it from a pediatrician though.

I think pp's have very good points. Babies cry to express a need - once they become more mobile, you'll need to redirect and set some limits for their safety. As they get older, you might need to CIO if their sleep is still horrendous, but I for the most part, I don't think they try to manipulate until they're toddlers.

@Mrs. Jacks: thank you.

DS2 is 9 months. He hears "no." But he also gets comforted when he cries, etc. If he's just whimpering because he didn't get a toy or big brother took it away, no, I don't jump to soothe that unless it escalates. It rarely does, though.

I don't believe they manipulate. If that is happening between two people, parent and child it is a result of a complex relationship with behaviors that the parent is practicing as well, imo. I just try to treat her in a way that considers how healthy relationships work, and using logic so she is enabled. I personally don't say, "no," and I try not to say, "don't." For example, it isn't about that- what she should and shouldn't do "because I say so," it is more, "it is best not to lick soap off your hand because it can make you sick," or "yikes! Yuck!" or "soap is for rinsing!"
But sure, sometimes you have to just try to stay calm when they want to do xyz, but I find explaining it helps and also validation, "oh, you really want to hold doll while eating, huh? I bet that would feel really nice, but doll can't get messy so she will sit right here on the couch until dinner is over and then we can play."
I guess I just don't believe in a top down approach.

Once my LO could move enough to get herself into trouble, we started setting limits, saying "No" firmly and re-directing her to something safe. At 10 months, she not only understands this but she will often throw a mini tantrum if I don't let her do something she wants. I don't think of it as trying to manipulate as much as I think she's testing the limits. Usually when I don't back down, she goes back to being happy pretty quickly, so I know she's not actually upset. If she keeps crying, I will soothe her.

Our biggest rule is "no standing in the tub." We take her out of she stands twice in a row. We had to introduce it at around 7 or 8 months (once she could pull to standing).

I think the word manipulate has a strong connotation, but the reality is any time a child knows that if they do one thing you will behave in a certain way they are technically "manipulating". So if baby is old enough to understand that when they cry you comfort them, technically they are manipulating, but not in the negative sense of the word. They are using their cry to gain your attention, which is exactly what they are supposed to do. The problem comes in when parents of older children would rather do what makes their child happy as opposed to what is in their best interest.

I think as you get to know your baby you begin to gradually understand the reasons for their cries. If they are crying because they need comfort, then you comfort them. But as they get older you begin to realize that sometimes they cry because they want something that is not in their best interest, and in that case letting them cry and explaining why they can't have the thing they want is the best thing.

For example, there were times when my 3 month old would cry when we put him in his carseat. I didn't immediately take him out and comfort him just because he cried. I finished settling him in, comforted him with my words and a toy or paci, and let him settle himself down. If he became distressed or increasingly upset most likely he needed something from me, so I might check his diaper or try to feed him. But now that he is a toddler and I know him better I can tell the difference between "I'm really mad that I'm strapped down" and "feed me, I'm starving" and I can respond accordingly. I don't let my toddler ride in a car without his carseat just because he is mad about being strapped in.

All that to say, I think the answer to your question is no, there is no magical age where you start setting limits. Our job as parents is to look out for the best interest of our kids. Some of the time what is in their best interest gives them what they want. Sometimes it doesnt. Those limits will evolve over time as our children develop the independence to make choices that may or may not be best for them and we gradually guide them to keep them safe and help them understand and learn to make the better choices without us.

@Mrs. Jacks: Perfect response. I didn't have a way to articulate it like that. Thanks for sharing that perspective.

i would say by 192 months

just kidding. i agree with PPs that babies cry for a reason and setting limits is done gradually and as needed. Even at 21 months, i don't believe my LO intentionally and maliciously manipulates me. he is still figuring out how to communicate and navigate his world.