I am an optimist, and I think that drives my pessimistic wife crazy. I try to tamp down the optimism when we're talking, but sometimes I don't even realize that I'm being optimistic!
What are some of the biggest underlying tensions in your relationship?
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
My husband is optimistic and always has an answer. That drives me nuts because his "answer" is always so simplistic. Ugh.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@Rubies: Where are you on the optimistic/pessimistic spectrum?
nectarine / 2127 posts
My husband doesn't get upset ever. About anything.
I am pretty dramatic at times and I take things personally. Combined with pregnancy hormones, somedays I'm just straight up mad that he won't be mad with me.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@mrbee: From a scale of 1-10 (1 being optimistic and 10 being pessimistic), my husband would be a 3 and I would be an 8.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@Rubies: Haha wait, how come pessimists have the higher numbers in your scale???
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
Same as you - DH is unrealistically optimistic, so I'm the one that ends up dealing with a lot of the real-life problems... such as finances.
The other would be his perpetual complaining - he will often complain about things he has no control over, but even worse are the things he can change! But he is getting a lot better about this!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
I am a do it, and do it now, get it over with type. DH is a, "it will be there later" type. It drives me crazy!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@Rubies: Ha I just meant that your scale has an implicit value built in... pessimists get the full 10 points, and optimists are zeroes.
I'd say that I'm a 2 and Mrs. Bee is also an 8. You guys should form a support group, for people who married optimists!!
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
@Mrs. Pen: "Same as you - DH is unrealistically optimistic, so I'm the one that ends up dealing with a lot of the real-life problems... such as finances." Same here, definitely. He tends to think that things will just work out and I shouldn't stress about them--like the time he lost his wallet and shrugged that "it'll turn up" whereas I was tearing the house apart looking for it.
Our biggest tension right now is about me staying home and being the primary caregiver for DS and DH not pulling his weight around the house. I go through spells of being resentful of him: for getting to sleep through the night, for being able to go and be around adults all day, for not having a tiny person completely attached to him. I'm grateful for DS, and I love him to pieces, but it's hard feeling that my life has completely changed and that his hasn't--it has, of course, but not in the same way.
papaya / 10560 posts
DH dips and it pisses me off! It's the nastiest habit, but he's like "you married this." Actually that and the fact he lives and works out of town and I work full time and take care of DS. It's not for most couples, but works for us, but no doubt it can be a strain!
pineapple / 12802 posts
haha I am an optimist for sure and my DH is definitely a pessimist.
Our biggest issue would be how chill and calm (and sometimes lazy) I can be and how he wants everything done and done a certain way. He's such a perfectionist and it makes me INSANE.
bananas / 9628 posts
DH can be very laid back, so much so that sometimes unless i initiate something or make a plan, things don't happen. there is this assumption that things will just sort themselves out. he thinks i over analyze and plan. also, i need attention & he is spread too thin, it causes some tensions.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@mrbee: Ooooh! HAHA, I get it now. And yeah, a support group sounds good! 
pomegranate / 3716 posts
Our biggest tension is DH's family... not an easy one to overcome! He likes to see his family (or his mom likes to see him) at least once a week and he likes to spend most of Saturday lunch/afternoon/dinner with them. Whereas I'm happy to see MY family just once a month, so the thought of seeing HIS family every week is just TOO MUCH for me! Luckily when wedding season picks up in the spring/summer/fall, I have a built in excuse that I have to work on Saturdays. But now in the off season, I look like a brat for not wanting to hang out with them :T
Also, we spend a decent amount of money helping them out. And since his parents are retired and don't have much income, I'm worried about what will happen when they get older and if we'll have to live with them... *gulp*
nectarine / 2797 posts
DH fixates on things. Whether it's us beginning to talk about getting a new car and him doing 10 hours of research and being ready to test drive by the next day or being obsessed with a sports news story, he gets really singleminded about something that is interesting to him, and it's hard to get him to focus on something else or put off his fixation for a future time.
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