Hellobee Boards

@stiletto_mom: not leaving the house with your sleeping child inside isn't helicopter parenting. Sitting in the crib while they sleep is helicoptering.

@nana87: I made friends with our retired car lady neighbor for this reason. She didn't mind popping in for a couple and sitting in my sofa while baby slept so I could take the doc outside.

@FannyMae: At the same time!

I live in a dense, urban-walkable neighborhood, although my particular block is pretty quiet/residential (I mean, residential in that there's less retail--there are no single family houses).

Anyway, we don't even have a monitor. I live on the second floor of a 6 story elevator building, but we have our own private outside entrance with stairs to the street.

I always take the trash out during nap time--that requires me leaving the sleeping kids and walking down the hall. I have once or twice gone to pick up a package--that requires riding the elevator down a floor and going to the package room. And I have once left our house and moved the car for street cleaning--that one made me nervous, because I actually had to circle the block because it's a one way street. But both girls were sleeping in confined spaces (bassinet and crib), so I knew even if they woke up, I would be back within minutes.

If I had a monitor, I would be comfortable going to one of the retail spaces on the ground floor of our building. There's a Dunkin donuts, and a dry cleaner. I have seen someone at the Dunkin Donuts with a monitor in their hand and I knew they must live in my building, haha.

I'm sure to some people, what I've said might be shocking, but when you live above retail, you are just steps from your place. It's really no different than going out to your mailbox in the suburbs while your baby sleeps.

Photo not my DD, but similar setup. Imagine me living there on the second floor, haha. It's so close!

@oliviaoblivia: I don't think I agree. I was raised differently I suppose.

I take the trash out down the hall but that's about it. If there were an earthquake or something I need to be able to get back to lo and we live on the 3rd(/4th) floor.

@SweetiePie: I think about those things too, but in the end, I'm okay with taking occasional calculated risks. I mean, I also shower during nap time, knowing that one of the girls could wake up and cry out for me...but I still need a shower.

And I sleep in another room, knowing that (god forbid), there could be an electrical fire or something in the living room that separates my room from the girls' room. But I can't live my life attached to the kids 24/7, so I try to minimize risk while still getting what I need done around the house.

For me, my "line" is that I wouldn't go further than a few yards from my front door. But even without a monitor, I frequently work on my flower boxes outside on our stairs or talk to a neighbor on the street, all while the girls are sleeping . I just leave the screen door open and I suppose I would just run up the stairs if I felt they were in any danger. To me it's no different than a person in a 3000 sq ft house being downstairs with a monitor while their baby is asleep upstairs. (eta: I just mean in my particular situation, with us having our own stairs to the street. I wouldn't do it if they were up on the 4th floor or something, like in your case. =))

@Anagram: yes, that's true. I guess if I was on the 2nd floor with street access that might feel a little different.
My neighbor lives 2 doors down and she's become one of my mom friends. I'm always tempted to go sit with her while my son naps, since it's really like being in the same house but a few rooms away. I just need to pull the trigger and do it! It feels weird since I wouldn't be "home" with him...but it's literally less than 10 yards away.

I think in all likelihood if you leave the baby in the house alone sleeping nothing is going to happen, but you never know.

I actually just finished reading a book where the father ran out to grab something while his 3-year-old was sleeping and an earthquake hit that destroyed their house. Of course the twist to the book was actually that the boy was kidnapped before the house collapsed. Granted it was a fictional book, but still you just never know.

my front or back yard, with the monitor in range. DS1's daycare is 5 houses down from our house and i hate interrupting naptime to drop him off in the morning or interrupting nap time in the afternoon to pick him up (or delaying picking him up because let the baby nap), so i've fantasized about leaving the baby sleeping but would never in a million years actually do it.

@stiletto_mom: we'll just have to disagree. I think there is a very big difference between helicopter parenting "hovering or passing extremely close attention" vs being in another room of your home while your child sleeps upstairs vs leaving infants alone in an empty home with zero supervision. That is what I would consider gross negligence and I really hope that's not what you are suggesting.

@Anagram: it's nice to hear someone else talk about the drama of moving the car for street cleaning with small kids. It's my one of my biggest complaints about city living!

I will go anywhere that the monitor reaches and I feel I could reach my kids as quickly as if I were in the house. This means to work in the backyard, take trash out to the stoop, or grab something from the car (I park on the street directly in front of my brownstone, probably less than 15 feet from my door). I generally make sure my two year old is contained (though I suspect both the two and four year old would be fine for these under 5 minute activities, particularly if a TV show were turned on). If both girls are sleeping, I'll sometimes sit in the yard with the monitor. realistically, I could reach my kids quicker from the street/yard than if I were two floors above them in the house. I would not run to the store or mailbox on the corner, but I've definitely wanted to!

I'll cross our street to get the mail. I'll go in the yard without the monitor for a short amount of time when she's in her crib napping. That's about it!

I'll run out to grab the mail, put something in that car, set the trash out, etc. I feel completely comfortable gardening or hanging out with my husband in the yard while she naps, with the monitor.

I go in the yard as far as the monitor will reach. We like to sit outside after she goes to bed in the summertime.

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@stiletto_mom: leaving your child home alone, unsupervised would warrant a report to protective services in my state. I think that's a little different than not standing next to them while they are on the playground.

I go in our yard when she is napping/sleeping. I just turn the monitor up and put it in a window. I can hear it from the garden, so I sometimes go weed. my husband goes into the basement and does projects, which makes me a little nervous because he wears ear protectors so he wouldn't hear anything. We live rurally, so the yard is really my only option other than the house.
She is 3. We recently had a friend whose house burned down, catching fire while he and his kids were in the yard. Crazy stuff, and it's scary to think about what could happen if the kids were inside and he was out.

Where we used to live was a long shared driveway with 5 bungalows. My monitor was on my phone so I could lock up and watch/hear DD while she slept. So we would do dinners, etc and just have the monitor. Since our places were confined within the same space as our neighbors entire house, I never had an issue. We also went to our neighbors two doors up for dinner after DD was asleep and again, my monitor was on and we we maybe a 30 second run away. In these cases, I trusted our neighborhood and had multiple ways to get to our DD in case of emergency. I'm sure others would be aghast but no one in our community blinked an eye. I wouldn't do it in our current place (not even to go to the mailbox at the end of our street) and probably not in our new place which is a typical SFH.

I really don't see what the problem is if it's only a few minutes. I am totally comfortable hanging out in my backyard with a monitor. We set the alarm system and lock the doors and go in every 10 mins to double check everything. I would also go to a neighbors house for a few mins if the monitor extended that far.

@stiletto_mom: a remote video monitor is not going to help if the kid actually needs help. In one of your last posts it sounded like you were saying you'd be comfortable with being 10 minutes away. There's no gray area in pointing out that a lot of irreversible damage can be done while it takes you 10 minutes to get to your kid. I know one person who did this and she kept talking about how terrible she was bc the next week she found out her kid could unlock the front door and open it. So she found her 1 year old by the side of a busy road. It's not a grey area, being 10 minutes away is in no way watching your kid.

I usually don't really leave them unattended. I might run to the car (the driveway is across our yard so I couldn't hear them and is at the edge of our wifi range) to grab something for a second and that's the farthest I'll go. I will sit on the deck too but only with the monitor going.
When LO2 was a baby, we were at my mom's house. He was sleeping inside and the only one inside at the time. The rest of us were either right on the deck or in the pool and there was a minor "explosion" in the furnace room. It was so nerve wracking because LO2 was inside and helpless. I would never ever consider leaving the premises while my kids are asleep because of that one experience. I used to be a lot open to it but it really scared me.