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Ours does not have one currently but they used to have one male before he left (he wasn't set in one classroom though, more of a floater between rooms for coverage). I never had an issue with him, he seemed nice and I never had bad vibes or anything. On the other hand, there is a female in a similar position (not a teacher in one room only) who I'm not a big fan of but she is the only one at the whole center I don't care for. Is there another reason he's not sitting right with you?
I know you said he's said some unprofessional things and seems like a loser...I guess it depends on what those things were and how you can tell he's a loser? IMO, a lot of times gut feelings about people can be right so I don't know if it's because he's male or because he's done other things. Could be the latter?
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I agree with other commenters that the problem isn't males in general in the early childcare field, but the weird vibe you are getting from this individual. I think it would be great to have more awesome males and females who are dedicated to that career, it's a tough one!
I worked as a preschool teacher some years back and we had one male teacher who also gave off a weird vibe, he was not allowed to change diapers either (someone else said this was the case at their school). We lady teachers resented that somewhat because he would pick us at random to do changes for him. As others have mentioned, usually teachers are paired up and other teachers did keep an eye on him. I also kept an eye on a female teacher who gave me a weird vibe, she seemed to have some anger issues, and I wanted to be sure it didn't come out at the kids (it didn't).
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Yes, I would think it was weird, and no, I wouldn't send my kids to a daycare with a male worker. Yes, men can absolutely be caring and wonderful caretakers - but I also read the news. I'm sure most male day care workers (and most men in general!) are decent and kind and do a great job...but I'm just not going to take that risk.
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@MrsSCB: No education with kids, just hanging around.
@Cordie: Agreed. Instead of creepy, it's more like he does NOT seem to like kids. But I haven't had a ton of interaction with him.It's not all males for sure; it's ones I pick up on a misplaced interest in kids.
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@kes18: This was last week:
I come in quietly to pick my son, who was napping and head lady picked him up (I don't know if male heard me come in.)
Male: "Oh, [son] is leaving? I'll misss youuuuuu." [sarcastic tone]
Me: "Ummm, wow, did [son] have a bad day today?"WTF? Do you have something against my 8-month old? Like, you do understand he's a baby and cries?
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@Madison43: And honestly, I do not know who would want to wipe butts! Ha, but I feel like for many women at least there is a biologic, maternal instinct that most men don't have.
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I would be thrilled to have a man at my son's daycare, but so far only women. But I've had both male and female neighborhood teens watch my son in the evenings while we're getting things done around the house. Honestly, I usually pick the guy because he actually plays with my son and his sister just sits on her phone the whole time.
I do think it is sexist to think a man wouldn't want to watch babies but a woman would. My husband loves caring for our son. He took 12 weeks unpaid FMLA when my son was 3-6 months old so that he could stay home with him. We've actually discussed him being a stay at home dad, because he would be much better at it than I would.
It makes me sad that my son is going to grow up with these ideas that men are not as good at caring for children as women, or shouldn't want to care for children like women do. I think we all want dad's to be more involved in parenting their children and I think that has to start with deconstructing our own biases thinking that women can and should be the best care givers.
All that being said. While I don't think it's right to judge this man on the basis of his gender. I totally think it's legit to judge him if he has said inappropriate comments or doesn't seem to interact well with the children. It sounds like he may have fallen into the job because of the relationship with the owner, so maybe he doesn't really want to be there, which would be concerning.
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I think your problem is more with the individual more than the fact that he is male? I would be totally okay with male daycare workers, but male or female, I guess I can be concerned about unprofessional-ism. I would be irked too by examples you've given. It's hard to judge someone on their "loser meter" and question their motive for being in any line of work though...
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@JenGirl: yeah that's just it, seems like he just fell into the job. Which is understandable and makes me feel a little better. Tho apparently he's been there years....?
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@pachamama: in terms of you feeling weird about this individual (regardless of his gender), here are some things I'd try to find out if you don't already know, and think about:
- What is his actual role? Is he a head teacher who is solely in charge of some of the infants - making decisions about their care, well being, etc.; or is he more of a "helper" who defers to the head teacher's decision making and is always supervised?
- Is it possible that he has something going on - he's on the autism spectrum, has a developmental delay, social anxiety, etc., etc., etc., that makes him have difficulty relating to and conversing with adults in an appropriate way, but that he's very different with the kids? I feel like some people are just AWKWARD in a way that is off-putting to adults, but their interaction with children might be just fine.
It's so hard to know without being there myself, but I am kind of thinking that maybe if it seems he "fell into" this job because of a family relationship, and it's because he is a person who needs to be supervised in his work, and to work in a non-technical way - not because he's creepy, just because there's something else going on there that you don't know about. If there's some way for you to get a little more information (from someone at the school, probably not him directly), you would either feel better, or have your creepy gut feeling confirmed.
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The head teacher in lo's classroom is male, and he is amazing with the kids-- incredibly loving, attune to their developmental stage (it's a mixed age class so 6mos-3years), and the kids absolutely adore him. It would never cross my mind to be weirder out by his being male because he's everything a caregiver I trust my daughter with should be. There have also been other male caregivers in our center before. Caregiving doesn't have anything to do with gender, except that we live in a culture that socializes us all to think of it as less valuable "women's" work.
That said, if this individual guy skeeves you out, that's different. There was a female teacher in lo's class last year who exuded a kind of low energy vibe like she wasn't loving being there, and I just didn't like her as much as the other tecahers. so if he doesn't seem enthusiastic about caring for kids that's a reason not to like him.
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I don't see a male daycare employee working with babies anymore strange than a male teacher working with elementary students. Neither is weird to me though. I personally have fond memories of the male employees at after school programs and camp. If it's weird to you then by all means move your kid, but I have no issue.
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I've worked in a daycare with a male employee. He was mostly with the 2-3s, but he'd float to other rooms. He was amazing - kids loved him & he was great with babies. A few summers ago my son's preschool had a college aged man in their program. He was a professional soccer player who just liked kids. Neither concerned me.
Like others said, I think it is judgmental/sexist to assume there's something "wrong" with a male in childcare. Also, some of your comments (he should be looking for a different field, why would a man want to hang out with babies, men don't have a maternal instinct, not having much interaction with him, etc), I wonder how much of the "wierd" vibe you're getting is colored by your view of a man working with children. If it was a female, would you still be as concerned as you are?
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@JoyfulKiwi: I would ask the same question. If this was a woman and she made any of the same comments or acted the same way, would you think she was creepy?
It seems really sexist to me to assume that a woman should naturally want to work with babies and "wipe butts" and not be looking for another job, but a man can't or shouldn't. So, yes, it does sound like you're being judgmental.
If he's had a background check and has been there for a long time I'd assume there haven't been complaints by other parents. You admit that you have not interacted with him much and don't know much about him, so to say he's just hanging around seems a bit of a leap.
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Our babysitter (for our daughter) is a guy and we love him!! I would be fine with a male preschool teacher also. Being a sketchy person is totally different than being a man interested in early childhood development.
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Guys work there and they are great. They are either student assistants or teachers with ECE degrees.
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We specifically picked our preschool because they have 2 male teachers. It sounds to me like this teacher might be more socially awkward than anything else.
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My brother worked in a daycare to build a resume before moving on to teaching high school English. He just enjoys being with kids. He's also a soccer coach.
My daughter goes to a preschool where a man is the director and also a teacher. He is one of more nurturing teachers and seems to be the one that kids go to for hugs.
My husband is a pediatrician and loves children.
I'd take a long hard look at your biases. If it's the individual who makes you uncomfortable, that's one thing. Your posts make it pretty clear you have some sexist beliefs about appropriate work for men and women. I hope that when my son is older, he will feel like he can be a babysitter or work in a daycare if that is what makes him happy. I'd love for him to be someone who enjoys caring for others and being playful.
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@pachamama: "He's not just some random guy wanting to be with little kids; he is the long-time teacher's younger brother AND he went to that very daycare as a kid." That sounds like he is some random guy to me, then. Does he actually WORK there or is he just hanging out there?
My daughter's primary teacher (4s class) is a man. He's not a Dad but he's been working with kids all his life and loves them and the kids love him back. He went to school for teaching...
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My ex was a kindergarten teacher (had also worked in daycare/preschool) who was amazing at his job, so it isn't weird to me at all. What was weird was how many of the moms hit on him
My brother is a musician who taught Kindermusik-style classes for beer money in college. He's a hilarious goofy guy who is a phenomenal musician, so it was a great fit for him and the kids.
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My daughter does not go to daycare, but if she did and there were males working there I would think anything of it. Are only women supposed to like working with babies and kids? Should there also only be female nurses? Everytime I have gotten a male nurse I loved them! I think more males should work in fields like these.
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@pachamama: I used to have a male co teacher in my 15-23 month toddler room. At first impression, NO parents liked him. I literally had to do every single diaper change so parents would agree to our their kid in our room.
Then after a couple of weeks, they all fell in love with him. He was super sweet, amazing with the kids, super fun. He was like the funnest fun uncle in the world. The parents loved him.
He taught that age group because he got along with them! It is unusual to see men in the younger age groups. So I absolutely understand your unease. My co teacher's personal life was basically a dumpster fire. But he was great with the kids!
But if you're Mommy instinct is screaming no, then listen. -
<< That reinforces the idea that men are not to be trusted with babies, right?! >>
@pachamama: I think it's totally fair to get a bad vibe from one worker, and not want them around your kids. But all men are not to be trusted with babies? I think a lot of dads (and moms) would disagree with you on that one!
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Yea... I think you are being judgemental just bc he is a man based on your responses here.
My daycare has a man working there and i think its great -
We have several male teachers at our day care. Our day care runs from infants to school age (for after school programs). My daughter's previous class had a male teacher, and he was great! She loved him. I don't think it is strange at all, and actually really like that there are male teachers to keep a balance.
I don't want my daughter to have gender assumptions.
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When we were in daycare, there were 2 or 3 young males that worked there, and the male co-owner was also very involved. I never thought twice about it. Men like caring for kids, too. As for why they'd want to wipe butts? Why would a female want to? Not all men who like children are pedophiles! It's okay for a man to want to work with kids. It's pretty upsetting and offensive to judge and generalize like this.
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@sotofamilia: so what would you do, leave your daycare if they hired a male?
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People who give me a bad vibe I would not be excited about regardless of gender. There are no men at Ts daycare but it would not give me pause.
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@sotofamilia: Why would you only be worried about me? There is a degree of trust you place in any daycare provider regardless of their gender. I also watch the news and I see many horrible stories of female dcp's abusing children. It worries me of course. But I did my research and now I trust that the people who care for my kids will treat them with respect.
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Wow, I'm sorry, but this post is really sexist and judgmental.
I'm a woman and have no interest in being a childcare provider. Is that because I'm a woman? No, it's because that doesn't interest me.
Do men only have kids because women want them? Should men not be nurses because that involves "wiping butts all day"?
Our daycare center has several men and it's a reason that we chose it. We want our children to see both men and women as caregivers. I don't see how that is creepy! The male employees at our daycare are trained in early childhood education just like the women, and are mostly dads themselves.
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@catomd00: that's a good question. My kids aren't currently in daycare because I stay at home (so I suppose my gender roles are a bit regressive anyway!), but my son was in daycare from 2 to 2.5 when I used to work full time.
Honestly, I don't know what I would have done...I have no issue with male teachers or male nurses or male babysitters. It's specifically males taking care of babies that would make me uncomfortable. My own husband is an awesome caretaker and obviously bathes and diapers his children. I have no doubt he would be great at taking care of children...and like I said, I think the vast majority of men taking care of babies are probably decent and doing a great job. In addition, it's extremely important to me that my son grows up to be a nurturing father - he plays with dolls and has a kitchen and I encourage his empathy and kindness and let him express his feelings.
But there were three stories that happened in my area when my son was little that all involved men in home daycares and children being hurt, so I'm just uncomfortable with the idea.
But I see I'm the lone dissenting opinion in this thread...and I even got a mention on GOMI! This is the first time in 3.5 years on HelloBee that I've directly posted in opposition to the main thought on the thread, so I appreciate you engaging me.
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@travellingbee: that's definitely true, there are stories on the news involving both men and women! And of course, if you do your research, and you feel comfortable, then I totally support you (or any other parent) putting your (or their) child in whatever childcare situation works for your family.
The original poster asked if we would feel comfortable putting our kids with a male daycare worker, and so that's what I was answering. It seems like she realized that she didn't feel comfortable with that particular male in her daycare, and she doesn't have an issue in general.
For me, I do feel uncomfortable. I don't think that makes me sexist - like I said, I encourage my son to be empathetic and nurturing and will not discourage him from playing with traditionally female toys like dolls or makeup.
Also, like I said, I'm sure that the majority of men working with babies are in it for the right reasons and are doing a great job. But as I said in the other reply, I saw some bad stories when my 3.5 year old was an infant that just turned me off to the whole idea.
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@sotofamilia: so, I admit I gave major side-eye to your original comment. I'm glad you came back to clarify because I understand you better. It did sound like you had a blanket distrust of male caregivers, but I can see why you feel uneasy with the specific catagory of males with babies in home daycares. I've heard/read stories about home daycares in general that meant I was never comfortable with that as a childcare option, although logically I know it is safe/works well for many families.
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There is one male daycare worker at our daycare, in the preschool room. I'm personally annoyed, because my daughter is scared of men she doesn't know and we may have to move daycares if he is still there when we age into that room if she is still scared of men. But I also SORT OF get this is our personal issue. But then on the other hand, a lot of kids are wary around men. But it feels sexist to say he can't work there. Obviously... I'm conflicted... lol.
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