Hellobee Boards

@looch: do I have a secret brother I don't know about?? Because my mother does the exact same thing as your MIL! She also talks about it every time we talk on.the phone - weekly hair status reports!

Everything. We visit them instead of the other way around. My inlaws are horrible guests. There's make yourself at home and then there's take over someone's house and make the people who live there feel like their servants. I think this is part of the reason why DH is so bent on our next house being only 3 bedrooms. He doesn't want to make it possible for them to try to visit and put us through hell again.

@avivoca: Same. In the 14 years he has lived here, they have not come once. We even offered to pay for their tickets to our wedding and to come see LO when she was born. They wouldn't take us up on it either time.

@twodoghouse: i don't know how you deal with them at all. Your stories are just...wow. I would go apeshit! I am so protective of his napping, I've finally realized how important it is - we're all miserable when he doesn't nap well!
My IL's have never woken him up from a nap or prevented us from putting him down for one. Well, once my mil was watching him for me and she was so intent on getting a smile out of him that she kept him up way past the tired signs. But I nipped that in the bud.
But they always come when he's sleeping and are all bummed and disappointed. Like, my mil has been on the verge of tears over it. People, he's 8 weeks (6weeks the last time they saw him). He naps. Are you really surprised by this?

I went to the family board to start basically this thread, because I'm so annoyed with my in-laws right now! So I shall rant here, thank you.

We went to dinner with FIL and his wife (SMIL) the other day, and it came up that DH hasn't raised his life insurance as high as our financial planner recommended yet. First the in-laws told us we didn't need that much (not their business!). When I explained that we wanted it to be enough for me to go get a degree and still be financially sound while doing it and possibly raising kids, SMIL immediately told me I should just go get a degree now. I tried to explain that it doesn't make sense right now, since we should (*fingers crossed SO hard*) have a baby this time next year, and I plan to be a stay at home mom *and* homeschool. So not only would I be trying to get a degree with a newborn/toddler/preschooler (and hopefully more than one), I wouldn't actually put it to use for at LEAST 7 years, possibly more depending on how long we homeschool (and we're open to doing it all the way through high school if that's what works for our family, though I doubt it will). Plus, I have no idea what I'd get a degree in, since there's nothing I'm interested in right now and I don't know what I might want to do later. AND DH's job could move us again at any time with little to no notice, which isn't great when in school. But SMIL insisted I should get a teaching degree, since I want to homeschool. I explained I don't want to be a teacher. She said I should anyway, and then when I reiterated that I don't want to, she decided I should get a business degree. Still completely disregarding all the reasons why we've decided that it doesn't make sense right now. Finally I just said that I don't want to rather emphatically and she let it go, but she and FIL clearly didn't agree.

FIL is just the biggest workaholic I've ever met (manager of 5 restaurants, part-owner and manager of another, and works on the farm on his days off), and thinks anyone who isn't like him is useless. I already know they both view me as basically a lazy gold digger, since DH makes very good money and I don't work. Never mind that my only real job interest has been nannying, and hey, NOT all that interested in taking care of someone else's kids at this time in my life. Or working at all, when I'm trying to take care of myself emotionally after the last year and a half from hell. Plus, more importantly, DH works mandatory ridiculous hours (he does get paid for them, thankfully), and he likes coming home to a clean house and a fresh cooked meal and a happy wife. He likes being able to ask me to shine his shoes and pick up his dry cleaning and take the dogs to the vet and whatever else needs doing, and not having to worry about it because he knows I have the time (and enjoy doing it for him since his love language is acts of service). And hey, I'm not just sitting on my ass, I volunteer with the Nashville Humane Association, Nashville Cat Rescue, the library, and recently with the No on 1 TN campaign, in addition to all the aforementioned errands and chores and all that. And you know what, we're both completely happy with this arrangement, which is all that matters.

Next time I'm just shutting it down immediately when (not if) it comes up again. I'm just sick of getting judged for something that is none of their business, especially when FIL's work habits are SO unhealthy.

I'm so, so, SO dreading dealing with them when we actually have kids. SMIL told our niece to "stop acting like a baby" when she wasn't even 2 yet, because she cried when her grandmother (whom she loves dearly and rarely gets to see) left and she wanted her to stay. I know for a fact our positive parenting and refusal to spank and plans to extended breastfeed and gender neutral parenting and everything else will be *very* looked down upon.

And as for MIL, she's a pill-popping alcoholic chainsmoker who stole money from DH from the time he started working at 14 until he could get his own account, and still expects money from us. She visited ONCE in the 5 years we lived in Denver (even my dad, who has major health issues, made it out there twice), even though she went to see DH's twin sister at least 15-20 time during the same period, and she never, ever answers the phone when DH calls, which really hurts his feelings.

She talks. Constantly. I love my MIL, but she never shuts up. I need like 15 minutes in the morning and after I get off work to decompress - I feel like I never get that when she's in town.

Also - my ILs drag out every toy DD owns, and change her outfit multiple times a day. Last time they were in town, DD went through 10 outfits over 2 days. DRIVES ME NUTS.

@Torchwood: made me think about this quote that I adore

I have great in laws and a great relationship with them. I would say my only complaint would be:

MIL: LO has a strong preference for her (we all know it) so in her mind "grandma" can do no wrong and will take her from me when I'm trying to settle her down/she's throwing a fit. that bugs me since I'm trying to teach her that these episodes are not okay.

FIL: he can be grumpy, not so much toward me but can be toward the kids if they are loud and he's crabby toward MIL sometimes, I don't like it because she does to everything (very classic roles.)

They don't visit much, but the only thing that is tough is making sure they are quiet when LO is sleeping!

My ILs just left this morning! After visiting for a week.

I actually really love my ILs... my MIL is great.

My FIL is sometimes a bit of a challenge.
1. He doesn't like silence, he just can jabber jabber jabber.
2. He doesn't like anything I have to say, he just wants to talk at me instead of with me.
3. He has no respect for my plans and always causing use to be late or off schedule.
4. He also shows no interest in LO except for maybe interacting with him for 5 minutes a day.
5. He is also fairly old and we have to basically cater to him even though LO needs attention too!

All in all my ILs are still 100x better than my parents. Haha.