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Picking and laying out clothes the night before helped my daughter a lot. The beginning of winter is always hard, she's got super sensitive skin and breaks out in a rash easily. We use mild bath soap and lotion up the night before and that helps a lot. I also try to have her with me when I pick out pants especially now since they seem to itch and bother her. We just had a pair or sparkly leggings that she really liked from target so I got another pair in a diff color and she kept complaining that the sparkles were poking through. I'm like it's the same pants! But then when I finally felt the inside it was like oh, yeah these are different.

We put him in the car in PJs or half dressed if need be once we run out of time. (I bring the rest of the clothes with me). Could you set a timer and say what ever you are wearing when the timer goes off is what you are wearing?

So my DS does not really do well with punitive consequences. Saying to him if you don't do X you won't get Y just results in a meltdown of "I want Y!!!" It's so much harder and takes longer to do, but I have incentivize him rather than punish him. Sometimes it's even just about the wording.

This morning we picked out clothes and I told him it was time to go potty. He said he didn't want to go. So I told him, "But if you go potty you get a treat, right?" Then he agreed as long as he didn't have to wash his hands (LOL). Eventually he went to the potty (and washed his hands) and no meltdown. If instead I had told him "If you don't go potty then no treat" I'd have him screaming and crying, "I want a treat!"

So maybe there's some type of incentive you can use in the morning? I used to use 5 minutes of screen time in the car if he was good and got dressed. Or you can try a reward chart with stickers - if she gets dressed on time she gets a sticker, out the door on time is another sticker (or whatever).

If you do decide to do something punitive, I think it needs to be immediate. So no taking away screen time unless she was going to be able to watch something that morning. And the key (at least in our house) is finding something that motivates - picking the songs in the car, getting screen time, getting a certain meal/food, etc. Use those as the carrot but let her lose them if she doesn't cooperate.

I also think @looch: has a good suggestion about the OT.

We did a combo. Positive reinforcement (treat when we get in the car or something like that) if she gets ready quickly.

But if she throws a complete tantrum, I first walk away and tell her to figure it out. If she's still not dressed/ready/cooperative when I come back, she just gets put in the car in whatever she has on. usually by the time we get to school she's calmed down and will get dressed quickly in the van before going into school.

I've threatened DS with having to go in whatever he's dressed in if he doesn't get moving. Thankfully it's never come to that yet.

He also has a huge mommy preference still, so I tell him that if he wants me to drop him off he needs to get up on time. It sort of works but I hate to leave without him and he knows it... DH has a hard time getting him ready in the morning because he's whining for me, and they both leave in a bad temper if I leave first.

@travellingbee: whatever works! I'll have to remember that.

Im not a fan of this but what if she slept in her clothes so when she woke up she was ready to go?

@Mamaof2: That's exactly what we do. Xander's not a fan of pajamas in general and his clothes are all cotton and comfortable, so part of bedtime is picking out new clothes and wearing them to bed. Then there's no fight to get dressed in the morning.

I think I would keep a week's worth of outfits pre-planned and hanging in the closet for her to select from and if she doesn't comply, put her favorite toy of the day in time out.

Seconding @looch: with the recommendation of OT. I have a friend who was having the same exact problem with her elementary-age daughter every morning and OT plus some other therapy for anxiety issues did the trick. She wears a uniform, even, so the selection part wasn't the issue.

Our new rule is that she goes to school in whatever she comes downstairs wearing. If she is wearing pajamas, she wears pajamas to school. She hates being told what to do so i told her that i won't remind her to get dressed.

I no longer offer rewards for doing something she should - because some days she'll say "i don't feel like getting x reward" I tell her that if she throws a fit in the morning then she doesn't get to watch her show after school.

The timer idea wouldn't work for my daughter. She freaks out under pressure and goes nuts. Does your daughter need you there when she changes? My DD usually wants someone waiting for her while she changes (not in the room but on the same floor) - i tell her that i'll wait for her but if she takes too long then i'll go down without her. i give her a 2 minute warning before i go down.

I hate morning battles so i feel your pain!

I think you have posted about similar situations/issues before? I honestly think consequences would only frustrate both of you and potentially exacerbate the situation. I would also recommend OT. All parents (and kids!) need a little help from time to time.

I'm sorry--this must be incredibly draining and frustrating. For both of you!

@mediagirl: well if you aren't comfortable with that that is fine. I bring his clothes with the intent to dress him there if need be but he always concedes before we've even left the driveway. It was a suggestion from a love and logic parenting session we attended and although he gets upset about it, it's the only way I can calmly enforce that he must get dressed and not make me late.

Is DD choosing her own outfits the night before? We've had to insist that my 4.5 year old DD lay out her COMPLETE outfit the night before, and she simply is NOT allowed to deviate from that choice. I try to guide her choices somewhat so that they are cute, but sometimes I just have to concede to her fashion sense provided the items she chooses are seasonally/occasionally appropriate, and she has chosen something from each category (we fight about the fact that sweater tights are not pants, and she MUST wear a skirt or dress with them, haha).

Perhaps in your daughter's case, having a choice of two outfits each day would work? Or a bin/rack/shelf for leggings, dresses, tops, etc., that you have deemed "appropriate" for the week (suited to the weather and not too casual/fancy for school), and she can pick whatever she wants from there...but isn't allowed to go into other drawers. That way you get a little control, but she ultimately feels like she is in charge.

The "consequence" in our house for not cooperating with rules for getting dressed has been a threat to put her clothes on a high bar where she cannot reach them. I haven't fully done this, but HAVE taken away a few items (footed tights are in a basket on a high shelf, b/c she just couldn't understand why I wouldn't let her wear them - she has to go barefoot for gymnastics/dance at school, and no one helps put tights back on), and her party dresses are now on a high bar so that only I can reach them. It got the message across.

last thought - could you just tell her "It's time to go. I'm leaving now. You can join me in the car when you are dressed and ready." and walk into the garage? This new tactic is working for various stalling behaviors on DD1 and DD2 now that we drive places instead of walking. I will literally make a move to go into the garage with the child who is ready, and the other one will magically do whatever I was asking (go potty, get a coat, etc.) because she doesn't want to be the last one at the car.

@mediagirl: I've been through it, so I get it, sending you a giant hug.

our "deal" is that I now wake her up when I get up (ie before I even shower). Her responsibility is to get up and pick one of the 8-10 outfits we choose Sunday night and get dressed. When we started this system she could come down and watch tv, so there was incentive to get going faster.

Also for us, giving her time to wake up a bit before she has to get moving, and giving her the responsibility for getting ready made all the difference.