DD2 (21 months) seems to be completely unaffected by a single consequence or form of guidance. No reprimand, no time out, nothing seems to phase her at all. She seems to comprehend that she is doing something that she should not be doing but doesn't seem to care no matter what I do. I know she is little but it's obvious that she is purposely engaging in certain behaviors to get my attention/as a game. How do you handle a kid that seems unaffected by everything?
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If what she wants is attention, make it un-fun for her. Ignore her completely or give her as little reaction as possible.
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@ShootingStar: sometimes it's things like opening the screen door and going outside on her own, which is completely dangerous and she smiles when I come to the door, even if I don't say anything
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Can you lock it somehow? piece of wood blocking it, if it's a slider? What does she do when you give her a time out - does she not mind or does she get upset and then do the behavior again anyways?
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@ShootingStar: she just quietly and calmly calls my name. Like she wants know where I am, not like she gets why she's there or is even bothered by being alone.
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hmmm...in general, I would say that if current consequences aren't working, then I would abandon them and try something radically different.
But in your example with the screen door, I wouldn't give a consequence at 21 months to that at all--I would just install a latch at the top of the door. I don't think 21 month olds really understand dangerous concepts if it's not immediate, like touching a hot stove.
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@Anagram: I know she doesn't get that it's dangerous, I guess it's just the repetition of the behavior after I've already said no. She tends to be more set on a behavior after being asked not to do it. She will continue to engage with something I've asked her not to do even after being redirected or she will wait until I leave the room to do whatever it is I've set a limit on. Then she laughs when she's "caught". Maybe it's just her age combined with her personality.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: probably. My youngest is an absolutely daredevil and a climber. Like she just has an incessant need to climb all things, all the time. She stands on top of weird things like wheeled toys and ride on toys, and tries to scale our pantry shelves and bookcases, etc etc. Even things that don't seem climbable, she tries to climb. She's had so many bad falls, but at her age (17 months) she just doesn't seem to "get" the concept of danger, no many how many times I shout "Noo! Get down!" from across the room.
So I've had to change my strategy to locking doors to other rooms if I have to be in a particular room (like when I am making dinner, I lock all the bathroom doors and the bedroom doors, so she's basically penned into our Living room/kitchen/dining area--all 1 space). Then I can keep an eye, and when she does something dangerous, I just try to intercept. She has still had some big falls, but I try not to blame her or me for those because we are both doing the best we can until she grows out of this.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: @Anagram: Your kids sound like my 28m old. I still haven't figured out what to do with him.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: From everything that I've read, at this age they just don't have the capacity to understand that you said no once, that means no forever. My annoyingly perceptive 3.5 year old is just now starting to make that connection. At under 2 (and even under 3) they're all about challenging limits, and everything is situational still. The best thing you can do is redirect where necessary/dangerous, ignore where it's not a big deal, and keep on with repeating the message so that it starts to internalize.
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The only thing that works with my almost 3yo is threatening to take things away. Sometimes I send him to his room but honestly I think he considers that a game. He does not really care if I get mad at him. But if I warn him that if he does (or does not do) ABC then I will take away XYZ, then sometimes he complies and otherwise he gets upset at the loss.
Right now I am working on trying to get him to clean up after himself a bit more. He is old enough to be capable of it. Last night he dumped a set of 4 x 24-pc puzzles on the floor under the couch. He refused to clean it up until I told him I would take away the iPad for a week. He finally acquiesced and cleaned up most of it himself. (He also told me, "This is hard work." and "I hate this!" haha!)
I don't like making so many threats but nothing else seems to work and now that he is almost three he needs to get better about behaving appropriately.
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