give me your best tips! what do I need to know?
my LOs will be 2 years, almost 4 months apart (so..28 months, I guess, if that helps.)
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@sorrycharlie: Bumping this! Interested in the replies....
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That when #2 turns 1 and starts walking and having an opinion (wanting to play with the same toys, etc) it is way harder than the newborn stage since you know what to expect for that!
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I'm having a hard time coming up with something, but I agree with @Sparkler: that once #2 becomes more mobile and gets into #1's things more, it can be annoying because they'll fight over the same things, and you'll have to moderate more. It was pretty easy when it was a toddler and newborn for me. #1 really enjoyed taking on that big sister role and would be really gentle with #2.
We didn't really experience too much of the jealousy that I was so worried about. Sometimes #1 would want to be held when I held #2, so I would end up holding both of them at the same time for a bit (not good for my back!!), but that was the extent of it.
Eta: my kids are similarly spaced as yours will be, @sorrycharlie, they are 26 months apart.
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I'm curious about this also! Mine will be a bit more than 3 years apart, if it makes a difference.
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I'm probably not much help, but I actually don't find it to be as difficult as I thought it would be. They are almost exactly 3 years apart. The older one was fairly independent when LO2 came along and the baby is really easy going (10 times easier than LO1 as a baby). So I think the combination of the two worked out well. The worst part is solo parenting in the evening when I'm trying to cook dinner and one or both of them is having a meltdown. But that really is the worst of it for me. So I guess there is hope?!
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How much I would miss the relationship I had with LO1. Daddy has a bigger role with him now and I miss the one on one time we used to have. When we got home from the hospital he asked for daddy to put him to bed and it completely broke my heart.
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So I actually ran into a mom the other day at Target who has four kids, all around 22-28 months apart. I asked her if she had any advice and she gave me a gem:
She said that if both kids need something (to eat, for example) and are crying/whining, tend to the toddler first, because they'll remember and know what's going on and be (hopefully) better able to control their own emotions. Once they've calmed down you can stick them in front of the TV or get them to play a game or something—anything—while you take care of the baby next.
Just something I hope to remember when the time comes.
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Agree with @Mrs. Rabbit.
I have an exact 28-month age gap. The first 3-4 months were cake. It was easy to stick the newborn in the swing or tote his sleepy little buns around while I stuck to a fairly normal routine with DS1. Once he needed to be on a sleep schedule, things got much harder. I wish I'd had him in a MDO program or something, because it's really hard to get out of the house until all naps are done. Thankfully DH has picked up some of the slack by doing special things with him!
What I didn't see coming is that most of my guilt involves DS2, because he's easier to ignore while I tend to DS1. (Getting more difficult, though!)
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Definitely the mom guilt. Almost exactly like what @Mrs. Yoyo said. I feel like I never give LO #2 enough one on one attention because I'm busy wrangling her brother (it doesn't help that she's a content baby who is fine with being ignored).
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@Sparkler: agreed!!
Having 2 was easy until my second became more independent. For example, #2 would run in the opposite direction of #1 at the park and it got stressful. I now know not to go without DH until my second is a little older and can listen better. Going places where one or both are contained is fine though.
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That everything has to be even steven. If one has 3 blue m&ms, the other has to have 3 BLUE m&ms (not green or yellow or red....BLUE). If one has a giraffe doll, the other has to have the exact same giraffe doll (not one that looks 99% like the other one). The exact. same. one.
Wait...is it just my kids that act like this?
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To not freak out or be so scared about having 2, that yes it’s a lot more work and a bigger juggling act, and you really don’t get a break because if it’s not 1 wanting something, then the other wants something, or they both want something from you, and so you’re constantly in motion, and you want to be fair and equal, and you don't want to compare them to each other, and they're gonna fight and argue and fight and argue for your attention and you will feel guilty about it all, BUT that it’s also really gratifying with 2, and that I’d enjoy being a mom a lot more the 2nd time around and really cherish and smile at all the nuances that a new child brings, as opposed to stressing out over every little thing that you do with your 1st, because the fact and truth of the matter is, there just is no time to stress out over every little thing with 2 kids in the mix, so you just go with it, and enjoy it.
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@skipra: I cry just thinking about it not just being LO1 and myself anymore, so I totally understand.
@Mrs. Rabbit: Great advice, and I hadn't thought about that!
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...that your parenting style (that you worked so hard to figure/carve out in the first place with #1) will likely have to be different for #2 (and each child beyond that, if applicable).
Basically, what may work for one child, may not (probably will not) work for the other... and realizing that there's nothing wrong with that, too. This also means you often have to figure out how to make it clear to each child that you're not playing favorites or being unfair, but rather just trying to parent two different individuals in ways that are optimal for each personality/temperament, etc...
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