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My mom watches DS quite frequently.... but many of the times it's their "movie date" days. She LOVES that she's here & available to get to be part of DS's life like she is.

With this next one I'm sure she'll be just as involved. Don't know about MIL though.... she hasn't done very much to be involved with DS (her step-grandson) & with that DH and I both want to make sure that he's just as accepted as this one, so yea, we'll see how this one goes! =/

Really though DH and I thought alot about how involved we wanted the grandparents. While we love them all we both know that they don't all uphold the same expectancy of character that we do. Ie. We know that while my mom & DS will have fun, she's not going to let him act just however or be ugly just b/c she's having a bad day.... My dad & DH's family on the other hand aren't exactly the same & we aren't comfortable with the kiddos spending alot of time in their environment with them. =/ Hopefully that will change as we all grow!

I would say that you do whatever you're most comfortable with!

ETA: My mom used to watch DS while I worked and was in school... she was GREAT! Upheld the rules we I had for DS & still managed to be grandma with extra playtime & fun. This was until I re-married last year (age 2-6)

My husband and I were just discussing this yesterday. Our preference is to bring our kid(s) to daycare or hire a nanny. We feel like their child rearing days is past our parent's time and we want them to take things easy. Plus, our child rearing expectations and requirements are different than theirs. The grandparents can babysit whenever they like, but it won't be a full time/regular thing.

My mum doesn't intend on watching her grandchildren full time. My parents still have 15 years to retirement so it doesn't really make sense either.

My in-laws are retiring and might like like to watch their grandchildren (they haven't offered, but I can see them wanting the responsibility), but my husband and I have such different ideas of child rearing from them that we won't be comfortable having them watch our kids full time.

My two grandmothers used to fight over who got to watch me and my sister when we were babies, so it's certainly been kind of a standard in my family. My mom would love to continue that tradition if she lived closer and always talks about wanting to move near us so she can watch our kid(s).
I do think that it's good for LO to have exposure to school/daycare, and for my mom to have some time off, so I think if she were to move up here, we'd probably switch from doing full-time daycare to part-time, and ask my mom to watch LO two or three days a week. That's probably my ideal situation, and that's only because my mom LOVES babies and small kids and I know that she would definitely want to take on this task. She worked when her kids were really little so I think the idea of getting to experience this time with her grandkids is really appealing.

My MIL would loooooove to be the everyday caregiver for our child instead of a nanny or daycare, but my husband is very leery about it. He's big into boundaries with family, and all she can talk about is how much she will be spoiling this kid. Not ok for someone who is watching your child 8 hours a say. Perfect for weekends with Grandma, though.

That said, if a grandparents really wants to watch your baby, and you feel that they will not try to undermine your own wishes, I think it is an awesome thing. I would never bring it up, though, unless there was absolutely no way I could afford anything otherwise. Again, we're just very careful in dealing with family.

My mom will watch out LOs while we're at work and whenever we want to go on vacation or a date night. My mom doesn't work and has been waiting for us to have children because she can't wait to watch them. We're due in July, so we'll see how everything goes in a few months!

I don't think that grandparents SHOULD watch their grandkids (out of obligation)-- like anyone else who wants to watch your children for free/out of the kindness of their own hearts, it's not something that you should expect, regardless of what your relationship is with that person.

That's also why I think these crazy step-by-step guides for someone who is watching your children is a little too much for me. Our parents raised us and we turned out great-- so I'm not going to sweat the small stuff, especially since my mom will be watching the baby 9-10 hours a day.

I would not ask my parents or in-laws to watch LO in lieu of daycare/nanny if they lived close. If grandparents truly WANT to watch the kids, that’s cool, but I hate the view some people have that grandparents are built in free babysitters. Just because they are grandparents doesn’t mean they are automatic babysitters, especially full time. Older folks have lives too; and I don’t think it’s fair to assume they want to always take care of a baby, even if that baby is their grandchild.

@Rubies: dang. mom can't watch LO 2 days? haha. I'm sure MIL is over the moon excited.

@chopsuey119: neither my mom or mil would ever except money to watch lo.

I know my mom would love to watch lo, but I'm not so sure about my mil. Doesn't matter for us though because all of our parents work and I don't.

I thought about this a lot over the last few months, as I plan to go back to work (eventually) and will need childcare. It will be around the time when my son will be going to preschool, so it won't be a full time thing. I fully intend to have my parents take care of my son. My dad is retiring in 2 weeks and my mom can retire at any time.
I've had an easy time explaining how we do things and what my expectations are when they take care of our son. Granted we live over 3000 miles away now, but in the few times I've left my son with them, they've followed our lead. We have the kind of relationship where I can say, "Mom, back off, you're being xyz and I'd prefer if you did this instead."

I see both sides. I think it can be problematic when a grandparent watches a child on a regular basis, because you don't want to abuse them by having them do it for free, but if you pay them, then they are your "employee" and have to do as you say, which is an awkward dynamic. If you and the grandparent are both easygoing and great at communicating, and you are both thrilled about all aspects of the arrangement, then and only then do I think it will work.

Having said that, as I waffle back and forth about wanting to be a working mom vs a SAHM, I really wish my mom wanted to watch our kids. She's made it clear that she doesn't because she doesn't want her grandkids to be her "job", and I think she's right. Still, grandma is second best to mom - a nanny or daycare can't come close! Depending on my work situation, I might see if my mom wants to watch our LO once a week, but I honestly don't think she'd agree to that.

Our parents are going to watch our LO in the evenings when my husband goes to work at 3 until I get home around 10, 3 days a week. But they want to. I don't expect them to, but I'm so glad they are!

We live very close to both of our parents. My mom and dad live about 15 minutes away from us, and my in-laws live a couple blocks away.
It's funny, because my mom has already stated she WANTS baby at least once a week. She has already made a nursery for our baby in her house, and asked how soon we will be willing to let my mom take her. I am not super keen on this, because this is my first baby and I am not going to let my mom take her for the day just for the heck of it.
My husband's mom is much different. She runs an in home day care, so everyone (extended fam) assumed that she would watch our daughter as part of her job. However, she has explicitly stated that she has absolutely no desire to watch our child. She said she has been doing daycare her whole life and does not want watching her first granddaughter to become her "job." I understand her point, but it seems weird that living two blocks away, she has no interest whatsoever in helping us out with childcare.

I don't plan on needing child care much because I am going to stay home til 6 months or so, so we will just need help when mom and dad want a date night or quick getaway.