A nosy companion poll to http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-sexual-activities-are-most-common-in-your-relationship#post-1534121
I'll include the options that were in the original poll, plus some extras and 400-level options. 
What kinds of sexual activities do you wish were more common (or ever) in your relationship?
Mar 31, 2014You might also enjoy...
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The other night my DH was giving me a wonderful full body massage and I told him "Babe, this is WAY better than sex!!!" He did not agree!
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So far wine and chocolate has the lead. Mmm. I need to buy some chocolate today. I reeeeaaally wanted some last night, but, it was too late to get any unless I drove out to buy it at the sketchy 24h grocery or 7/11, and I didn't want it quite that bad.
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@Mamaof2: I agree with you
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Without specifying which things you wish you were doing more of (unless you want to!), why aren't you?
Embarrassed or self-conscious about asking for it? Partner isn't in to it? Worried you wouldn't like it as much in reality as in fantasy? Too much work/too time consuming to actually do regularly?
My ticky-boxes were all for things that I really like but that my partner is pretty "meh" about. Sweetie will do them from time to time because I like them, but, isn't really into them on their own merits.
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Except wine and chocolate. Sweetie also really likes wine and chocolate, but, as a "plus", not a "instead of".
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We've gotten too comfortable. Our sex life (which is currently non existent because I'm 5 weeks PP) is usually the same song and dance. I'm also too self conscious to try and spice things up. I just get embarrassed even though DH and I have been together for 4 years. I wish I could relax and let go.
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@Danizaur: DH has the same complaint about ours and it's honestly gotten even worse now that I am pregnant with #2 adn even less interested. I feel so self conscious now, whereas I don't remember feeling that way so much before DS came along.
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@Danizaur: Yeah, I guess that happens for us too. We'll be starting to get it on, and I know we're going to do "the usual stuff". It'll be fun, we'll both enjoy ourselves. It seems like too much work and vulnerable self-disclosure in the moment to try to plan anything else.
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@Danizaur: This exactly! It's total self consciousness on my end. We've been together 6 years and I still prefer lights off (TMI?)...
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It didn't even occur to me to have an option for "we do exactly the things I want to". Um, perhaps that says something about the state of my sex life. Oops.
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I'll throw in a comment (I'm so not modest about this stuff...)
I voted for a bunch of stuff (some of which we don't do, some of which we do but I wish we did MORE), one of which was "anal stimulation- on male." I keep trying to talk DH into it but his attitude is HELL NO, NEVER EVER EVER.
(I've heard it can be intense and amazing and I like the idea of having that control occasionally!) -
@lilyofthewest: Hahaha. Well, my only vote was "I'd rather have wine and chocolate." There's nothing I can think of that I feel like we're missing. Not because we have some crazy sex life, but our tastes match up pretty well and there isn't anything either of us is interested in that the other has said no to.
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@Lozza: hahaha I like your style. Just an FYI, stimulation does not have to be strictly internal, just "accidentally" run a finger over that area without penetrating and i'm pretty sure he won't stop you
DH and I have a very active and interesting sex life, so I voted for Oral Sex - on female because ..um. I'm not exactly sure you can have too much of that?
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@MrsTiz: Yeah, I'm surprised not everyone is voting for more oral for themselves. I just wish there were an option for "wine and chocolate DURING oral."
Also, I am blaming you if I "accidentally" cause DH to never let me near his nether regions again...
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@Lozza: just say "MRSTIZ TOLD ME TO, CALM DOWN, YOU'LL LIKE IT!" hahah jk!
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@Lozza: Yeah....just coming from someone who is pretty uncomfortable with that "region" I wouldn't "surprise" him. Not to be a downer on a fun thread, but thats not a good plan for improving things. I know you are being light hearted, but I just wanted to comment out of personal experience. If I say no, I mean it.
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@Lozza: @MrsTiz: lol'ing... but I agree with @Silva: on this one! If my husband ever pushed for this (on me that is, I think I'm far too prudish to ever consider doing this to him! lol) I MAY give in after I'd had some time to think about it. But if he surprised me with it, or I said no and then he surprised me with it, I think I'd jump a mile and it would kill the mood for me.
@lilyofthewest: First, I want wine. Not because my husband denies me... I'm just 35 weeks pregnant and omg missssss itttttt lol. To answer your question though of "why not," without getting at all specific, I think we already have a really satisfying sex life. There are a few things I'd perhaps like to try but it's my fault we haven't because I haven't ever mentioned them. It isn't that I'm shy or embarrassed talking about sex with my husband, it's just that for me, talking about it sort of ruins it for me (I guess you can assume dirty talk is not one of the things I want more of... lol). Anything that has to be orchestrated rather than sort of naturally happening or evolving just feels forced/not that exciting to me. Plus, life is long. If we pull out ALL the stops in our 20s, what will we do in retirement?
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@Silva: Totally understand what you're saying, and I agree. Luckily, I could talk about sex all day, so DH and I communicate pretty well about hard and soft limits- I definitely wouldn't try anything on his "no go" list, and make sure to get explicit consent for anything filed under "not really interested, but willing if you really want to..."!
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@Lozza:
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Any/all of the above? We're in a pretty rough dry spell right now. I would love to be having sex at all, but I'm very self-conscious about my body right now, and I don't like looking at myself naked, and can't imagine him wanting him to see me naked, let alone touch me (this is in my head, nothing he's said). It's been awhile, and the longer that goes by the harder it is to do, and the worse I feel. It's a bad cycle.
In general, though? Pretty much everything except the open marriage one. I'm not cool with that. And I have some great threesome fantasies stored up in my imagination, but I'm not sure I could enjoy the reality...I think it would hurt our dynamic too much. But everything else? Yes ma'am!
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Anyone else see the votes for "three(or more)somes" and think "Well, that'd be a memorable Hellobee meetup...."?
(I kid, I kid)
(Youngest child does not sleep= mother has no filter=my life) -
@Lozza:
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So nobody is interested in giving their husband more handjobs huh?
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@Silva: Yes, should have put a disclaimer.. never do anything to your partner without their consent! That part was a joke, but the other part (if discussed ahead of time) can be tip toeing into it without "going all the way" @lozza: lol
@lovehoneybee: Does having the lights off/wearing a t-shirt help? I wear a t-shirt to DTD more often than DH would like but if I don't feel comfortable I don't want to do it! Also, I have a feeling you are a superfreak hahaha
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@Lozza: OMG hahaha you're cracking me up.
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@Beyond2: lol do guys even like hand jobs? I mean, past the age of 15. I've always felt they were entirely pointless personally!
@lovehoneybee: you guys need a reset. I had some pretty serious hormonal issues (of course didn't really realize that is what it was at the time) when I was on BCP that made me never want sex. And I totally remember that feeling of it being a while, and at some points it seemed like he'd given up trying bc I wasn't interested, and then I felt horrible, and then initiating seemed impossible, and then I'd feel worse, and it was just this 10 ton elephant in the room that seemed to be in the way of everything in our relationship. It sucked. I feel like for us anyways, when we're not having enough sex (for whatever reason) nothing else in our relationship seems to go right... and we're a lot less forgiving of each other and seem to try a lot less with each other. It's a crappy place to be and I hope you can get it worked out together!!!
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Im honestly totally happy with the lack of oral on me, lol. I just don't really enjoy it. *shrug*
I wouldn't mind giving BJs more. I kind of like doing it. I feel really powerful doing it, for some reason. Like... I have the essence of him as a male totally at my mercy and I control the entire situation in that moment.
Overall, maybe a little more adventure in general. And, if we're being totally open, I wouldn't mind bringing another female into the mix. Not for him to have sex with... for me to have sex with and him to watch.
I think I might have just shared a little too much. rofl
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you all right now. Thank you for being so open. @lovehoneybee: I've had a few relationships (including Sweetie) where we went through a 5 month + dryspell. It was really hard to get things rolling again. Generally we got into the dryspell because we were arguing a lot. And we'd keep arguing a lot because we weren't doing the physical things that help foster intimacy and squooshy brain chemicals. It is really, really hard to convince myself to get it on with someone I'm irritated with all the time. Anyhow, just saying I've been in a similar spot -- and it sucked, but, we did come through the other side.
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I love all the oversharing!
@loveisstrange: @lovehoneybee: My threesome conversations with DH usually go as follows:
Me: Let's have a threesome! That sounds awesome!
DH: Think on that for a minute.
Me: That sounds... fun in theory but potentially logistically difficult and awkward and like it might end up with me getting mad at you when you haven't actually done anything wrong?
DH: YES. THAT. -
@loveisstrange: I like maybe 30 seconds of oral on myself & then I'm bored....half a minute would be just enough to get me excited without making me totally loose the mood.
I also don't mind giving a blow job, but I'll get bored then too, haha! He definitely gets 10x's more oral than I do!!I voted dirty talk because I enjoy hearing how much he is enjoying me & he has really only done it like once. He isn't much for words usually though so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't be against a three some with another woman if it were strictly girl on girl while he watched (actually, I was a part of that with some married friends of mine before I met DH...) but I just don't know anyone that would be down or that we both feel safe enough with. I'm usually kind of bored with our sex but I'm often too tired or at a loss to do anything spicy.
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Ehem, can we make this thread gold?
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Too late for me to edit it to gold, but, I'd be down for a gold edition!
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@Beyond2: haha not in the least!
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@lilyofthewest: lot's of things in this thread are amazing, but my favorite by far was "squooshy brain chemicals"
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Aww, you were one of those elusive unicorns! Go you!
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I wish that there was less pressure for me to want to have sex.
I wish I could just get in bed and go to sleep and not feel guilty because I am too exhausted every night to do it. -
@loveisstrange: I don't enjoy oral on me either and I thought something was wrong with me because everyone seems to like it! It just doesn't do it for me! Glad it's not just me.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: girl you have two under two! That is reason enough! I only have one and no desire to do it every night.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: THIS!
This is something I've been struggling with a lot - it comes up with my therapist every week and I have even been getting angry with her for bringing it up constantly. I feel completely asexual right now and the pressure to do it makes me really mad.... I just want to sleep FFS! Wine and choc got my vote.
you all right now. Thank you for being so open. Subscribe to our newsletter
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