Hi bees! We are ttc out second baby. Our LO is 2. I'm thinking back to the things I wish I had known before I had her, about how life was going to change. What advice do you have when you add a second baby, especially what did you do that made your life easier and what you didn't expect but know now about life with 2 (or more! )
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I didn't appreciate how hard parenting a 2 year old while pregnant would be. I felt pretty bad about how much TV she watched and how often I lost my temper with her while I was pregnant. Not really much you can do about that but something to expect. Then towards the end of the pregnancy I was so sore and uncomfortable I couldn't take her to the park and things like that so much, which again, I felt bad about but what can you do?
So I guess really I didn't expect the guilt to start so soon! But now baby is here and big sister loves her so much, I know it makes up for everything else.
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My DH had to step up a TON with LO1. It was pretty much I have baby, you have her for the first year.
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@Foodnerd81: @T.H.O.U.: Yes, yes to both of these. DH and LO #1 do a lot together because I'm managing baby naps, feeding, and bedtime. Being pregnant with a 2 year old was tough, but he understood what his sibling meant more at 3 years old a few months after LO #2's arrival.
I didn't realize how easy newborns were until we had one in the house again. It was so much easier the second time around.
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@Foodnerd81: i am going through that guilt now
i want to spend more and more time with DS1 in my last few weeks of pregnancy and it's so hard to do stuff and have the energy.And what @T.H.O.U.: said makes me so sad and feel more compelled to spend as much time with him now. i hope i am not deluding myself that i will still get quality time with DS1 once DS2 is here,
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I think the surprising thing for me was actually how much easier it was than anticipated. My first LO was very high needs, so I was really stressed about having a toddler and another high needs newborn, along with fearing a 2nd difficult BF journey. But LO2 ended up being the perfect baby with no BF issues...until she stopped sleeping around 3.5 months.
For me, the transition from 0 to 1 was much harder than 1 to 2.
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Thanks! This is super helpful. I hadn't even thought about how a pregnancy would already affect my dd. I was only thinking about after baby came.
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I am SO happy that I didn't have LO2 until LO1 was enrolled in a preschool program/some sort of program that has him out of the house for a few hours several times a week. It gives structure to our day, gives him something fun to do, and gives me at least a little bit of time to have 1 on 1 time with LO2 (the lack of which is probably what I feel guiltiest about).
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I haven't delivered LO2 yet (4 more weeks), but I can say like those above, that having a lot of help from a partner can be crucial.
We have a 2yo and my horrible back/hips are making dealing with her all day, nearly impossible. Luckily Hubby can handle bedtime with her now, because I can't do it. And having her in daycare has been super helpful as well - I'm going to keep her in there when our new baby comes.
Hearing about 'easier' second babies is getting my hopes up - I hope this little guy takes that to heart and makes the transition from 1 to 2 easier.
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@cascademom: yes. Having a newborn second time around was a breeze. That stage between 3-9 months where they develop so fast was tougher.
@californiadreams: you will, early on for the transition it wasn't bad. But slowly I had started to back away anyways (sorry mom can't go down the slide, dad will have to take you, dad needs to carry you if you want up). So it wasn't a huge change for her. We still had time to snuggle and read.
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@hilsy85: We kept LO #1 in daycare/preschool environment while on maternity leave. Everyone's day had structure. It was fantastic. I worried about the baby and myself the most. If it was a tough nap day, we stayed inside and managed. If it wasn't, we were strolling around our old neighborhood. When we put our condo on the market, we would go out to eat while it was being shown. It was seriously the best summer ever.
@T.H.O.U.: Yes, three months on has been fast. LO #2's a little slower on the whole rolling over while sleeping thing, but his interest in everything else is right on track and fast. I think that he babbles way more than LO #1 did at his age. I love how LO #2 looks at LO #1 both happily and sometimes like he's an alien.
Two kids can be hard at moments and then really easy in others. Managing bedtime and going out the door for school can be hairy. It depends on moods. Before LO #2 was born, I was terrified of having two kids. After, I can say that it's fun and a lot of work especially with a 3.5 year old who doesn't want to sleep at bedtime and it consumes what little free time I have. I know it's a phase and will pass. Sometimes just thinking of things as phases gets me through it.
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@cascademom: "I know it's a phase and will pass. Sometimes just thinking of things as phases gets me through it."
I was really overwhelmed when I had an infant, and I thought I would feel that way forever. It took awhile for it to pass. In hindsight, I would have had a much easier time if I'd known it was temporary.
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The transition for us was easier than from going for 0-1. However, a couple pieces of advice that rang true for me was the toddler will be harder to deal with than the newborn (outside of the lack of sleep) and also if both kids are crying, to take care of the toddler first as he is the one who remembers and is impressionable vs a nb who is fine as long as he is fed, changed, etc.
I agree with PPs who said that having the older child be in a program was/is great!
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Love this thread! We're not even TTC-ing for #2 for another half year, but I really love to get myself mentally prepared!
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@ElbieKay: Yeah, infants for a first timer are so hard. LO #1 had colic and gas issues until we figured it out. I had PPD (undiagnosed), marriage counseling, and MIL issues going on all in that first year. I hated my LO #1's first year because of the issues surrounding his birth and then normal infanthood on top of that. It got so much better when we weaned and dealt with our issues.
With LO #2, we knew how to manage a newborn and possible colic. My inlaws stayed away this time and have expressed little interest in LO #2. They're coming up in a couple of weeks which should be interesting. DH and I still fight and sometimes have communication issues, but we're working on it. It's been stressful since we put our condo on the market, sold it, bought a house, and moved. Eventually, things will calm down.
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@californiadreams: I did make a point to do a lot of special things with my older LO before baby was born. And yes I cried sometimes that we were just sitting in the house watching tv instead of doing something special because I felt like garbage, but then I also had days, especially toward the end, when I felt a lot better and I made a point to do special things with her then- children's museum, lunch dates, messy activities that she loves. And we still have quality time when the baby naps. And really, everything she lost in one on one time with me is more than made up for in her infatuation with baby sister.
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Like others have said, parenting a toddler while pregnant is HARD. The newborn phase went much more smoothly the second time around- I find my toddler infinitely more challenging than the baby.
Keeping the toddler entertained while I do things like nurse or put the baby down for a nap is key- I got a bunch of activity books, crayons, painting, playdoh- stuff that would be new and exciting for her to play with while I was busy!I'd recommend to tackle things like toddler bed transition well before baby comes (if you're going to), because it will be difficult for the first few months after!
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@Legowife: still cooking #2 but yes, pregnancy is so much more difficult this time around since you can't just rest when you want! I feel like I have Zero time to even think about the new baby let alone make any preparations for her!
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I think overall it was easer than going from 0-1, but my second has been a much different baby than my first.
He's way more high needs so that was really hard for us, the nb stage was rough but it's finally getting better at 6months out
having lo1 keep his regular daycare schedule and start preschool was essential to his happiness
we're still trying to find a happy medium between activities and down time
but the brother love makes my heart melt every time -
I'll also be ttc #2 soon, so this is helpful. I asked some people around me, and got really great advice. They all unanimously said, if you can afford it, hire as much help as possible, and expect that you will not be saving. It is temporary, but getting all the help will make it easier on the family.
i want to spend more and more time with DS1 in my last few weeks of pregnancy and it's so hard to do stuff and have the energy.
For me, the transition from 0 to 1 was much harder than 1 to 2.
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