I babysit a little girl in my home on a part time basis right now. I was watching her full time until recently when her mom's work slowed down. I have been caring for her since she was a baby and now she is in preschool. While she was coming to my home full time she was kind of bossy and mean to my now 1 year old but nothing to worrisome. Now that she is only coming a few days a week and is home with her Mom most days(she is an only child) she has become mean and really bossy to DD. Anytime DD tries to play with a toy B takes it away and yells "No A that's mine!". She also runs around screaming hysterically anytime she thinks DD is trying to get her toy even when DD is not even interested in the toy and is doing her own thing. Anytime I try to correct the behavior by saying "lets share" or trying to give B something in place of the toy she just snatched from DD B breaks out in this crazy dramatic tantrum screaming, crying, and just being crazy dramatic. I am seriously at a loss on what exactly to do. I totally understand some of this behavior is completely normal but I do feel it is a bit extreme at this point. She is being SO mean! I really like her mom and her family so I am really struggling with a nice way to tell her mom about the issues. What should I do? How should I bring it up without sounding like I am talking negatively about B?
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How about discussing ways they handle it at home? I would also bring up time outs.
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It sounds like my house - DS is 4 and DD is 1 and usually DS acts out + doesn't share when he's not getting the attention that his sister does. A time out usually helps with the mean behavior and practicing how we *should* act after the time out. Also, with preschoolers, telling a story and using problem solving can not only diffuse a situation but helps teach the preschooler how others act.
With DS, I tell stories about Harold the dinosaur (really descriptive: orange spots and green spikes to lure DS in) then I tie in the problem we are having at the moment but use it as if Harold is going through the same thing. I go on to say the consequences (he didn't get to play with his friends because he didn't share, he was cranky because he didn't take a nap, etc). Then I ask DS what Harold should have done. It sounds simple but helped me so much! I think Mr. Bee and Mrs. Jacks have written some blog posts on story telling and preschoolers behavior.
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The story telling/role play can be super helpful, but also trying not to feed into the tantrums. When I taught preschool there was a designated area (some soft pillows, bean bag,etc) where children could go to have their fit. When they got worked up, I'd say "I can see you are really upset. You can go to the pillows and when you calm down we'll figure it out together." And then I ignored the tantrum. It usually worked. Either a) they only wanted attention or b) they needed to cry it out & felt better. Afterward we'd do the "teaching" of how to handle feelings.
I hate bringing up behavior issues and I hardly know the parents of my students. I usually approach it with a "I noticed this. Do you notice that at home? What are your techniques for handling that?"
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