Hellobee Boards

@youboots: same- I would only feel comfortable fostering children/ teens younger than my own children. And since mine are 5 and 3, that will be a while. Partly because I’ll have had experience with kids of whatever age, and partly out of safety for my biological kids. Maybe that is something you could address - basically the fear of older foster children abusing or mistreating younger children in the house. Whether it’s true or not I think there is a stigma that teens in foster care have serious behavior issues which would probably give people pause.
(I feel a little bit like a jerk posting this, but I think it is one of the reasons people hesitate and if it’s a bad reason, addressing it head on would be good, right?)

@Foodnerd81: agreed. I did not have quite the right words. I also have read/heard that bringing in older children can create some birth order issues for biological children. No sure if this is factual or antidotal or about foster care or adoption. I don’t like to not have a source.

@Mrs. Turtle: Ideally I'd like to hear from them myself, particularly because I imagine I would have a lot of follow up questions.

ETA: For me it would be fine to hear from them in a group setting, perhaps with the option of follow up 1:1 time.

Like others I likely wouldn't consider it until my own children were much older, possibly out of the house. And then I'd really want to know what typical placement looks like, and for how long? I know one reason I don't feel like I'd be well suited for fostering young children is the strong emotional attachment that would be made and the risk of having that taken away. With teens that seems (and this is what I'd want confirmation of) like a less significant issue because if there is a strong connection, I'd assume they'd be in a place to maintain that connection (writing, calls, etc) if they felt it too. And then I'd wonder what happens if you have an older teen closer to "aging out" and what happens then? So having a few examples would be helpful but I'd for sure want to know what is typical.

My husband and I are actually considering becoming foster parents at some point.

As for why we're considering it, we feel we've been blessed with resources (both financial and time) and want to share those with a kid who needs them and can benefit from them. Our religious beliefs do come in to play, as we feel a sense of moral responsibility to give back in some way, especially since we do have extra resources. But it's not just obligation, but also a desire to help. Since becoming parents, we're more acutely aware that not all kids are lucky enough to be born into good situations, and hearing those stories pulls on our hearts a lot more than it did pre-kids. We have one biological daughter but aren't interested in any more kids biologically. We're both in our early 40s, and I had a difficult delivery and a not-so-great pregnancy.

We recently signed up to mentor and spend time with a local family's foster kids. We're going through our church's program, and they have 3 different levels of involvement: supporting mentor (like a fun aunt/uncle), respite, then full foster care. We're committed to our family's kids until their current placement ends, but it's not as big of a commitment as becoming full-time foster parents right away. This was a way for us to learn more about fostering and see if it might be a good fit for us. We have friends in the same program who jumped straight into respite, so different levels may work for different families. We do anticipate that we'll probably foster down the road.

For our family, we don't feel that teens are a good fit at this time. Our daughter is 3 years old, and we feel we need to respect birth order and only take in a child younger than her if/when we do foster. One reason is that she has a strong but very nurturing personality, and we feel she'd be better suited as an older sibling. Our other reasons are the safety and emotional concerns already mentioned above. We've been through the baby phase and are familiar with what that entails. And we don't want to expose our daughter to any potentially abusive or harmful situations.

We have attended a training orientation session. I appreciated that they had agency representatives as well as a panel of current foster parents and mentors. I feel the people they picked were able to keep it real - they talked about the struggles as well as the rewards. They also talked about the different support systems that would be available. This is probably further down the road than what you're working on, but we also completed some really good online training that talked about the effects of trauma on early childhood development and some tangible tactics for how to respond. Basically, we just want to feel as equipped as possible (realizing you never know everything!) and go into this being realistic about what we can handle.

we are considering fostering to adopt a fourth child in a few years, but we would only be open to infant or very young toddlers only, at this point. My husband is a pediatrician and I am a social worker, so I feel like our skills, knowledge and passions in life, plus our financial resources are very well suited and I feel a sense of moral obligation (not religious, just that we should do what we can to help where we are needed). In my career I have worked closely with biological parents whose kids are in foster care, and saw what a huge difference that good foster parents made for everyone involved. I think we could play that role for some families.

I would consider taking in teenagers after my kids are grown. I wouldn't consider fostering kids older than or the same age as any other children in my home. I think having clear and quality options for respite care would help.

I'm hoping to foster someday and would definitely be open to fostering teens. My question builds on the topic of transition to adulthood that you've already touched on. As a potential foster parent, I'd want to know if teens in care are assessed at any point for life skill development deficits, and whether there are any specialized programs available to help them in any of their trouble areas. If there aren't programs existing, I'd be interested in online supports that might help me cover those bases myself before the teen moves to the transitional housing program. I'd also be interested in learning what options exist for the transition to adulthood beyond the transitional housing program. For example, if my DH and I really clicked with the foster child is there protocol for them continuing to live in our family home? Can they still access transitional supports without having to be part of the housing program? What if they are clearly not a candidate for transition to independence? Would we have a role to play as their advocate and what response could we expect from the system? From what I've read, the transition out of care is really tough, so anything I could do to prepare them for adulthood would really be my biggest concern.

Random question, but do you guys target any of your marketing towards individuals who foster/adopt senior dogs? Kids and dogs are obviously very different, but I’ve been volunteering with a senior dog rescue and the skills and interests our foster families exhibit probably match the qualities you’re looking for. I won’t get into all the connection points because I’ll sound crazy, but I don’t think it would be hard to connect the dots between both missions, and there is probably a sub-set of folks who would be willing to use their experience to take on a bigger challenge. Just a thought. Hope I don’t sound too out there!

@Mrs. Turtle: Forgive me for not reading all of the comments, but I wanted to chime in as a foster mom who has older kiddos.

For us, the 10/11 age group has been awesome, even with our littles. I do think that it has created a family separation that is unfortunate (we divide and conquer a lot and I think it makes the big kids feel like less of the family, even though it is because we are trying to provide them with opportunities to do things that they wouldn't be able to do if we all stayed together.

We are very open to teens, but after this experience it will need to wait until our littles are closer in age. Not because of safety necessarily (I think this is always a concern with foster kids...it doesn't matter how old they are and birth order doesn't really matter either IMO). But rather, because it is harder to be a family unit when the kids are always doing different things.

That said, our ideal situation would be taking pregnant teens or teen moms to model parenting for them and help them stay together with their baby. Most babies of teen foster moms end up in care themselves, but if you can be there as a support it is more likely that they will stay together and be successful.

One day I want to be part of launching teens into the world, but I just think the littles need to be closer to their age...maybe when the littles are 10ish it would be okay.

I would suggest targeting parents of older kids rather than parents of young kids just starting out. I think many people get into foster care with the intent of growing their family, often because they cannot have children. I think this population has a harder time taking teens because the time they have with them will be so short, and they are afraid. If you talk to people who already have older kids, or who will soon be empty-nesters, I think it's more likely you will find people who are willing/able to serve this population of kiddos well.

I am interested in one day being a foster parent. I haven't read all of the responses, but I wanted to say that one of my big hesitations is time. I am a FT working mom and I barely have time to handle the needs of my two kids. I would worry about the time commitment of court hearings and potential therapy, in addition to school obligations. If that were addressed, that might be helpful.