-
Santa was not really all that important in my family. When I was in kindergarten, I came home talking about Santa and my mom told me he wasn't real. The real focus in my family was recognizing Jesus' birth. My mom went as far as to make a cake that said "Happy Birthday Jesus" written on it in icing. We would sing "Happy birthday" to Jesus.
I think my mom went overboard but it had a lot to with the culture of the time and where we went to church. We had nativity scenes instead of pictures of Santa. We still did stockings, tree and the whole thing but Santa just wasn't a focus.
Fortunately, for the grandkids, my mom has calmed down a lot about about these things. We don't really talk about Santa or anything with my nieces and nephews but it isn't so oppositional as it once was.
As for me, I want to keep the focus on recognizing Jesus' birth (even though I understand He was born at a different time of the year) but introduce Santa as a fun aspect. I don't see why you can't do both. -
Santa was not a big deal at all in my house, but my mother is not American nor is she European. She never emphasized Santa. I'm fine with him being a character, but I stop at having to do things to make him seem real, and I won't be doing anything to specifically exclude Santa references. On the other hand, DH believed until he was quite old (I think 11..I don't know how that happened). His parents went through great lengths to create the illusion (sleighbells and footsteps on the roof, etc.).
Right now LO is still very young (20 months), and it seems like she doesn't really get what's going on re: Christmas. I agree with some others about just letting things take their course.
-
Santa was real to me growing up and I plan on doing the same with LO(s). Growing up, St. Nick visited our stockings the night of December 5. DH had stockings on Christmas morning. So we will do both but distinguish the two somehow. I left a note for Santa with milk and cookies and carrot(s) for the reindeer. Santa always ate most of the milk and cookies and left crumbs. Santa also wrapped presents in a different paper with different handwriting. I was convinced he was real. I will be sure to address the religious component with LO(s) but we will definitely do Santa.
-
@Ra: ditto on Santa represents the spirit of giving. My presents are still from Santa and not my parents!
-
Santa was real in my house growing up and we're doing it that way with LO too. We leave out cookies and milk and carrots and Santa's presents are in different wrapping paper with his signature. We don't really push that she has to be good for Santa to come though, my parents never did either. What we really elaborate on is that Santa wants to make sure everyone has something to open on Christmas morning - the kindness of it. We discuss that and then participate in toys for tots or a giving tree. This year we're going to ask her about things she has that she'd like to donate to kids who have less.
My parents went with the magic for sure, but none of us flat out asked them if Santa was real until we were ready for the truth. My mom asked her parents in front of my aunt as a child, and they told her he wasn't real. My aunt was mad at my mom and not her parents, because she felt like she missed out on a couple more years of believing!
Oh, and we don't do Elf on the Shelf just because we're pretty busy during December anyway. My nephew does though and has a blast (but again, no naughty or nice element).
Any way you do it, though, I think Christmas can be magical. If you're not into Santa, I don't think it's fair to feel pressured into doing it. It sounds like you had an awesome holiday season as a kid!
-
This blog post might give food for thought: http://www.straightdopedad.com/death-to-santa-claus-dont-lie-kids-can-handle-the-truth/
I really like his analogy about Star Wars. Kids don't need to be told that Star Wars is real to be able to enjoy it. You don't need to falsely point out the Death Star in the night sky or plant evidence for your kid to find. This whole idea that kids should be told that Santa is real is very, very new.
I believe one of a parent's primary jobs is helping kids discern truth from fantasy as they grow up. I don't believe in lying to kids for any reason (if a truth is too difficult for them to comprehend, a "Here's the simplified version but you'll learn more when you're older" is an honest but age appropriate response). I think a lot of kids swallow their hurt and confusion when discovering that their parents intentionally deceived them because they want to appear grown-up.
There's also some disturbing conclusions kids can come to when they believe Santa is real. My DH and his best friend were firm believers in Santa. One day, my DH wondered aloud to his friend, "Why would Santa give me so many cool toys and only give you one?" His friend was poor, while DH was middle class. DH's friend shook his head and said, "I must not have been very good this year." My heart breaks when I think about that kid feeling ashamed for not getting all the loot my DH got, when simply telling him the truth--that his parents bought him his gifts and that was all they could afford--could have saved him from internalizing blame.
-
@Ra: OMG, I was totally a kid that argued with the kids who dared to doubt Santa. "There is no WAY parents can do all of that in one night!"
-
Santa was real growing up. When we were young (maybe 3 and 5), my parents told us he wasn't real and we refused to believe them
Thereafter, they just played along until we figured it out on our own. I didn't feel like I'd been lied to or deceived.Our son just turned two, and he knows about both baby Jesus and about Santa. We will do both in our house, although nothing over-the-top for Santa (and I don't really get the Elf thing). I'm thinking that Santa will probably bring stocking fillings, and maybe an occasional gift, but for the most part, gifts are from family members. What I won't do is emphasize that Santa is watching and we need to behave to get more presents. That message doesn't do much for me.
-
We are not doing Santa. I have told my kids he is not a real person (anymore) but that some people like to pretend so we shouldn't say anything, but they know that my husband and I give them their gifts. My SIL thinks we're ruining their childhood but I disagree with her on almost everything so NBD.
I did grow up with Santa and I don't think it's WRONG per se but I have decided to go a different direction for many reasons.
I probably would not do a Santa event, but of course seeing Santas is impossible to avoid so I just try not to make a big deal about him and occasionally remind my kids what the deal is.
-
We won't do elf on the shelf. We'll do Santa as a fun part of the magic of Christmas but we'll be clear that it's a fun game, not a real person.
When I was little, we put out cookies and a carrot for Rudolph, and we'd wake up to a letter from Santa and the cookies mostly gone, full stockings, and a big pile of presents from Santa. Somehow despite all that I don't have clear memories of ever actually believing he was real. I think I was like five years old when I saw a box under my parents' bed from a toy that Santa had brought and I was basically like "I knew it!" My sister and I never told our parents that we had figured it out and they never owned up, so we were pretty old (teenagers?) by the time my mom was finally like "So uh...."
DH and I don't want to lie though, and we don't think it's difficult for kids to have fun and get excited about something they know is just a game.
-
Santa wasn't a part of our Christmas growing up. We had Santa photos a few times as young kids, but I was clearly petrified! We definitely didn't get presents from Santa, I think it was mainly just through school that we had any idea of the concept of Santa.
I'm definitely not actively doing the Santa thing. I only got a Christmas tree this year because my 2 year old was excited about seeing them in stores. No decorations featuring the man in red, and I don't plan on introducing his character as a real person. I'm sure she will be bombarded with his image growing up, but I don't want to start the myth and then have to maintain it.
-
Thanks all, I had a great afternoon visiting with my MIL and just came back and read everyone's responses. So many great points here, and such diverse expirences and game plans.
-
@.twist.: I love the way you wrapped everything up, it's so true. I love Christmas time, I ultimately just dont get the big deal about Santa and am feeling a little resentful of the peer/family pressure I am experiencing. So I am trying to gracefully navigate it the best I can.
@skadi this article sums up why I just don't get it. It seems like so much work to do something, and for me I just won't lie to my kid and call it fun. But everyone can do it their own way.
-
@MrsMccarthy: yeah I never said she can't do Santa, it just is not going to be something I choose to do. Part of my issue is that I feel that the spirit of the holiday can be lost in their home. It's not about getting 20 gifts regardless of who they are from. I introduced the four gift thing to her today (want, need, wear, read) when she mentioned that now we are going to have to do tons more gifts and our tree will be packed next year, because well, it won't be.
-
Jewish here, so Santa won't be coming down our chimney, but I feel I still need an "approach" because for one I don't want my kid to be the one to ruin it for the kids on the bus who do believe, and also my mom celebrates Christmas and while we won't be with her every Christmas, we will sometimes and I'm sure she'll want to impart some of her traditions on LO. I am thinking the character approach is a good one but will probably play it by ear!
-
@youboots: that makes sense! I do think its important to be able to form your own traditions but perhaps you can play along with grandmas Santa too. Maybe Santa brings things to grandmas house for LO?
-
For us, Santa is a fun character like Mickey Mouse. We're treating the whole presents from Santa and cookies very casually. They'll find out soon enough that it's all made up, so I'd rather have that conversation casually. Plus I didn't grow up with lots of "magic" at Christmas since my parents were immigrants and didn't do much. So we try to have as much fun with it as possible for as long as we can, before they (sniff) grow up into sullen tweens. Or even earlier!
One big thing I want to make sure of is that they don't spoil it for other kids though!
-
We will do Santa. Our kids will know all about the real St. Nicholas too. We plan on teaching them that it is a season for giving. We will buy angel tree gifts to "help santa/help parents" give gifts to their kids.
I don't think Santa is all about materialism, it just depends how you approach it.
-
My parents never fussed over christmas. We put up a tree but they never really got us gifts. I think they gave us money like they would on Chinese new year. If we did get gifts, they were just from their friends. I always knew santa wasn't real just like mickey mouse wasn't really a walking/talking mouse. But I did like to pretend he was and kind of wished that my parents playes into it a bit.
We're doing some of the santa traditions but I'm not going out of my way to pretend santa is real. My son just ask me the other day whether the guy at the mall was just pretend. I think santa can still be fun even if they know it's not real. It's kind of like the fun they have playing in their play kitchen.
Sweet moment tonight: my son was counting his money tonight because he said his sister wanted a boogie board. He's getting himself one for christmas so now he wants to get her one too. That there is already magical to me. -
LO is only 8 months old, but we've thought about this. To us, Santa is the spirit of Christmas. We've talked about it, and I think we'll focus on 2 things: Santa helps us to celebrate baby Jesus, and Santa has lots of helpers. I don't know what we'll do about the specifics (chimney, etc), especially because we live in an apartment. But I won't deny her a bit of Christmas magic, because I still believe in that kind of a Santa!
-
I lived in Germany for my early childhood as well. Did you ever do the boot in the yard thing there? We convinced my parents to let us do that one year thinking we'd get more presents. I'm pretty sure we got stocking stuffers like fruit, nuts and maybe candy and were disappointed in this whole St. Nicholas thing.
-
@LovelyPlum: As a kid that grew up in an apartment, I never once questioned how Santa got in, even though all the movies say it's through a chimney. I think the Santa Clause with Tim Allen did an excellent job explaining it though.
-
@cait: hahaha. Your comment about defending santa made me lol. Parents are so sneaky!
Thereafter, they just played along until we figured it out on our own. I didn't feel like I'd been lied to or deceived.
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite1
62 comments