Mrs. Hopscotch wrote a wonderful post about her maternity leave:
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/08/03/reflections-on-maternity-leave/
Both the blog post and a number of comments mentioned feeling resentment towards your partner... I think that's a topic that isn't addressed much, so it was wonderful to hear so much about it.
When have you resented your SO most during your journey to parenthood? How did you manage it, and what helped make things get better?
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
My DH was super helpful and involved, so I didn't really resent him for anything. I guess the only thing might be that since I'm breastfeeding, I always have to do the middle of the night feeding. When LO was 2 months old, someone asked how her sleep was and I heard him say, "Great! She sleeps 12 hour stretches!" I was like, uhhh... are you talking about the baby that wakes up every four hours?! Ugh. Wanted to smack him then 
kiwi / 553 posts
I'm still pregnant, but so far I resent DH when he can sleep and I can't... like last night, for instance 
But he's been so good to me that it doesn't last for long.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
The times I most resented my husband was when I felt as though he didn't understand or empathize with how exhausting my days with LO can be. Sometimes he gives off the impression that staying at home with a baby is fun and relaxing when it can very well be the complete opposite. He works long hours but gets to have lunch with his buddies, grab a coffee when he needs a break, etc. What makes it better is him saying that he knows how tough it is and then helping me out on the weekends. I know it's not his fault, so I try not to let it get to me.
bananas / 9227 posts
When he trimmed the hedge! LO was only about a week old and I'd gotten into a rhythm of BFing her to sleep in bed. She'd sleep for a few hours and I'd let DH sleep on the couch. It was the 2nd day I let DH get sleep and later that morning, he thought it was it was the PERFECT time to trim the hedge! Because he was so energized, he thought to do gardening (and our hedge is massive and loops around the house). I was still half asleep and agreed for him to do it and of course, it took so damn long! I didn't realize he was trying to do a whole summer's work in a day! I hadn't even gone to the bathroom or ate breakfast! I was so pissed and it took awhile before my sleep deprived self was able to realize exactly why I was pissed.
How I handled it: I made sure he knew how it felt like to deal with the baby that night. I slept and allowed her to fuss and let him handle her. Pfffft! It wasn't until days later did I fully articulate myself on why I was so mad. I still comment on it now. Grrr.
I should add that he only did that because he's avoiding comments from his dad about him neglecting the house.
GOLD / pear / 1845 posts
I haven't slept a full night in six months. I am super jealous that he sleeps. I need him to sleep so that someone is coherent enough to deal with the 2 yo, but I still want some of that sleep for my own. It's 5 in the morning and I've slept an hour and a half tonight. Hooray for teething.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I resented him when LO was hungry the first month!!
pomegranate / 3383 posts
I resent my DH every night when I wake up in the middle of the night for absolutely no reason at all or if I hear our LO stir a bit, and DH doesn't hear a thing. I am up for 1-2 hours every night just willing myself back to sleep! He falls asleep into a deep sleep so easily... So resentment may not be the right word...maybe jealousy? 
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@sammyfab: Hello my world. HA!
I'm back at work and since DH is a college student he's home during the day with J and I am eternally jealous. I want to be the one home. It's just not in the cards for us right now, and I understand that, it's what is best for our family and will be much better once DH is done with school, but for right now I want to be home with our sweet boy and I can't help but resent DH for it, even though he's an AMAZING dad and I have nothing to worry about. He probably is better about keeping up on things (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.) than I would be haha! (shhhh...don't tell him that!)
pomegranate / 3890 posts
when i was pregnant, i resentedhim that he cuold eat anything, do anything without a single thought, in retrospect though he was always helping me mkae sure the food i ate, activities i did were safe so i really shouldnt of resented himat all.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
Mostly at night. He is deaf so he never hears LO wake up and even though I know it's not his fault, I can't help but be a little upset that I always have the broken sleep. Even if he slept with his hearing aids in and said he'd get up/feed LO for me, I would still wake up unless he took the monitor and slept in another room.
I try not to be resentful that I get up at night, because he works 12 hour days and works hard so I can stay home. He now empathizes and knows how exhausting being a SAHM can be, and is very good about offering me breaks on the weekends. Like now, he is putting DS down for his nap and I'm having my computer/HB time. He makes sure to do this every weekend which I LOVE and NEED. But he didn't do this until I was very open and honest with him about my needs. If I'm not happy then he won't be happy and neither will my baby. So he does work hard to resolve any issues we may have
He also helps a night a ton more than he used to. We both realize how short of a period DS waking during the night will be, and we share the responsibilities.
pomelo / 5321 posts
DH was deployed for my entire pregnancy and the first 4 months of DS's life. I know it wasn't like he wanted to be gone, but I was so resentful over doing everything alone. Those first few months were the hardest. DS was super colicky, he wouldn't nurse, wouldn't sleep, I was recovering from a csection and beating myself up for that csection. Not having any help was awful. & his coworkers were always commenting on how lucky he was to miss all the hard stuff.
persimmon / 1255 posts
Even though my husband was really helpful those first few months, I was resentful that I was the one with the broken sleep, that I was tied to LO 24/7 because I was nursing, and that I was the one with the "magic touch" to put LO to sleep or calm her when she cried. It was exhausting.
And now, even though he's a great dad and is really helpful around the house and with LO, I'm resentful that he gets to go to work while I stay home with LO. Don't get me wrong, I love being a SAHM but like @Rubies, my husband doesn't really understand how exhausting and consuming it is to take care of a toddler all day, day after day. He thinks that if I was just a bit more organized, I would be able to get more done around the house. Some days I wish we can switch places for a week so that he can experience firsthand how draining it is mentally and physically being a stay-at-home parent is.
pineapple / 12234 posts
Two times stick out to me the most:
1. When I was in the first trimester of pregnancy, I felt like I had mono every day--I had no energy and I couldn't even be up for more than 10-15 minutes. I also got sick l 4 times a day at least. On top of that, I had a bad cold at one point. DH had the audacity to tell me I was being lazy because I hadn't gotten the mail in 3 days. It still makes me mad. I felt so horrible and he made me feel worse.
2. I'm the only one who wakes up with DD ever since she's been born. One night DH said he was really tired even though I woke up with DD 4 times the night before and I even left with DS and DD so he could sleep in that morning. He told me he was going to bed at 8 that night...so he got in bed and I stayed up with both kids because my son had a really late nap and couldn't fall asleep and my daughter, at that time, wouldn't fall asleep until 10:30 (at 4 weeks old). I finally got to bed and glared at DH for so long. I was so worn out, sleep deprived and mad that these were HIS children too and I had to deal with the hard part of parenting while he got the smiles, laughs and cuddles.
I remind myself that he works hard too and gets up at 6 every morning usually. So we have problems with resentment when one of us is worn out and fails to see the others perspective.
clementine / 990 posts
We had an epic (for us) fight a few weekends ago. I've been trying to prepare him for staying at home with the baby, and I declared that he would care for her 100% for the weekend to get a feel for it, before he takes over full-time in september. By noon, he was frustrated and angry and declared that I had set him up to fail (referring to the fact that I had not prepared the bottles for the day) and that there was no way he would be taking care of the baby AND doing ANY housework. I was pretty resentful about that. While my husband is wonderful and great with the baby, does mostly everything I ask of him, I really resented him at that point. Up until now I feel like I've been handling all of my old (before baby) responsibilities, all (or most) of the new baby responsibilities, AND working from home (part time, but still!).
cherry / 106 posts
It's really difficult (because I'm nursing) being the only one who can feed, comfort, get the baby to sleep. Sometimes I just want a break. It's frustrating when I've been up with the baby all night and then he expects me to wake up with our 4 year old, even though he doesn't work until the afternoon. That extra hour or two of sleep would go a long way for me. He's being more considerate of it now, but that caused some major scuffles the first few weeks.
| Today | Monthly Record | |
|---|---|---|
| Topics | 0 | 0 |
| Posts | 1 | 0 |
Ask for Help
Make a Suggestion
Frequently Asked Questions
Bee Levels
Acronyms
Most Viewed Posts
Hellobee Gold
Hellobee Recipes
Hellobee Features
Hellobee Contests
Baby-led Weaning
Bento Boxes
Breastfeeding
Newborn Essentials
Parties
Postpartum Care Essentials
Sensory Play Activities
Sleep Training
Starting Solids Gear
Transitioning to Toddler Bed
All Series
Who We Are
About the Bloggers
About the Hostesses
Contributing Bloggers
Apply to Blog
Apply to Hostess
Submit a Guest Blog
Hellobee Buttons
How We Make Money
Community Policies
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
15 comments