Hellobee Boards

I think I would get a little upset if I was the friend, just because I confided in you as a friend. I know deep down I really don't have a "claim" on the name but I think i would be a little hurt if you used it first when I had mentioned it. (More if this was a close friend, than a casual acquaintance.) I would maybe mention it again to her and see if she was still planning on using it in the future and go from there?

I wouldn't be upset, as this is YOUR child's name forever (or at least 18yrs), and you should name your child whatever you desire. No one "owns" names. That being said-human nature may lead to some-"oh she stole my name!" But, there's bound to be at least 10,000 other people out there with that same name.

I would if I was the one who brought the name to the friend's attention. We had a friend was was due two month after our daughter. They ended up having a boy so it didn't matter. They were team green but one of the girls names they liked was my daughter's name (this was before she was born). They came up with it independently so we didn't mind at all. But since our daughter was born first, we had the "claim" to the name.

It would depend on who it was. A family member? I would be sure only one of us used the name. But a friend? I wouldn't mind so much. you never know how long a friend will be in your life, and if they're not in ten years, will you regret not using the name?

I only have one sister, and DH only has one brother, and I'd hesitate to use a name they had already used, but other than that?
My kid is going to have this name for (hopefully) many decades. Why on earth would I care if it's the same name as some friend's kid who he'll see maybe once a week till he's in grade school?

@heartsnsunshine: haha I can see this from both angles. DH's cousin is due 3 weeks after us (her and I were friends before I knew DH, we met at her wedding) and we were talking baby names at Memorial Day. We figured we better say our names since there are so many of us due within the same time frame, just so we can kind of "stake claim"

Like some of the others I would probably be upset if I was the one who brought the name to your attention and then you used it. But at the same time.. She can't really "claim" a name.. Especially if she isnt even pregnant. For all you know neither of you will have a baby girl in the future so I wouldn't worry about spending too much time thinking about what if.

@autumnlove: Aww. I have a Ben. It's a good name

@heartsnsunshine: yeah, it all depends. Maybe it's good to know if you do want to avoid having the same name in a family. But since you've never met those people, I'd say it is more fair game to use the same name!

I had a friend ask me about names. I told her DH and his mom really liked Addison but I wasn't convinced since it seemed to just be a name of Grey's Anatomy. Well, of course then I felt bad because that is what they are thinking of naming their baby girl! And, another best friend of theirs is also using the name. If I was 100% set on it I wouldn't change due to a friend but otherwise, I think its really awkward.

When it comes to names, I think it's important to keep a little perspective. Your kid will live with this name for her entire life. Can you imagine how crazy it would seem if she's, say, 35 years old and you're saying to her "Oh, did I ever mention to you that I really wanted to give you a different name, but I changed my mind because my good friend had used that name for her baby?" You'd be like, seriously? More than likely you'd have no idea who that friend was or who her baby was, or have any idea why it should have mattered if you had the same name as some other kid. Names last so, so much longer than the vast majority of friendships. Name your child what you want to!

@mrbee: Seriously, I know I have a different take on this because none of my siblings or close friends have kids, but still - I see people post that they have lists of DOZENS of names that are off-limits because other people nabbed them first. Your kid won't care, particularly not in five, ten, fifteen, twenty+ years, and it's none of your friend's/coworker's/cousin's business! Use the name!

@artbee: if it just so happens that you both end up preggo with girls, then I would just have the conversation with her. Tell her that the name has special meaning and she'll understand if she is a good friend. It's not that she gets to call "dibs" on it (because she's not even preggo) but she just might be hurt if you use it without saying anything first.

This is exactly why I don't talk to friends and family about names! I only tell DH what I like and make him swear not to spill to anyone.

But if I were in that situation, I would definitely have a wait and see attitude. Because you never know if you will fall out of love with the name when the time comes or if your friend will get pregnant first. If you still love the name and you're about to give birth and your friend isn't even pregnant yet I think the name is fair game - people can't claim dibs on it. Plus, nothing is stopping her from using it too!

@MK0180: It's a bit tough for one brother to declare dibs on a father's name though! They kind of have equal rights to the name, unless I'm missing something?

@Mko0180 I agree w/ what Mr. Bee is saying, but I also think it would have been nice for them to give you the courtesy of a conversation.

They have rights to the name, however, DH has had his heart on the name for a very long time. His brother has known this and knows how much it meant for DH to have the name (DH and his father were very close). Brother never seemed to want or was interested in the name as the first name either. And its the principle of the whole situation - rather than talk to us about it they named the kid anyway, knowing that it would upset us. I just feel that if you're going to take a name then tell us about it first. I feel that how they went about it was a bit insensitive.

In my husband's family, he is the 3rd generation of men named L.H. His brother has 2 sons and hasn't continued the tradition, so my husband is set on boys with LH names. Every time I've been around ANYONE pregnant I've told them it doesn't matter if they name their kid an L or H name, if it's one of the few I can tolerate I'm using it. I don't care how close we are. They have 24 other letters to choose from! Boy L names are scarce and we don't want to use any of the 6 currently in use in our family.