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I was SHOCKED how many people asked us how long we'd been trying for! It seems like a very personal question to me...I didn't feel comfortable giving an exact answer so I always give a roundabout estimate.

We had a few close friends ask how long it took to get pregnant. They asked politely and not rudely and I was totally okay with how they asked. I think it would be awesome if you made a big announcement like, "After 12 months of trying, we're finally expecting our lo.." or something like that. That would make it even more exciting.

I am very open about our ttc struggles, now that I'm pg and also before- while we were still ttc. I am in medical device sales, so I call on doctors, and I have befriended many of the girls in all of the offices. Everyone knew I got married last May, so naturally, by the end of the year, I was starting to get A LOT of questions about when I'd be pregnant (as if one can predict it!)...To try to let people know to lay off me (I see about 30 different offices a week, so you can imagine how often people asked me about it seeing that many different people every week), I started saying,"You know, it's not as easy as everyone makes it out to be!" to let them know in a roundabout way that we were trying, but it wasn't happening as fast as we'd like. And to make them feel awkward about pressing me further;). I started noticing that anytime I said that, someone ALWAYS piped up and said it was/is the same for them or their daughter or Best Friend, or whatever. And it made them and me often feel less alone- just to get it out there. So I am still really open about how long it took, and how bumpy our path was with 2 chemical pregnancies back to back. I think it's helpful/reassuring to the person I share it with- especially now that I'm pg with a healthy one. And honestly- it keeps it top of mind for me and makes me appreciate this amazing gift even more. It's easy to get caught up in figuring out nursery themes and reading reviews on the Bugaboo stroller vs the UppaBaby and forget what's REALLY happening here. So I don't really want to forget it or keep it in for my own sake also.

But for others it may not be a comfortable topic. I am just a very open person I guess:)

I don't think very many people asked us directly. It came up in conversation with a few of my closest friends.

I struggled with infertility and we were very open with our friends and family. I knew I wanted the support. It took almost two years of tests and treatments before I got pregnant. So if someone asks I tell. Who knows, they might be struggling too and it's always nice to have a friend to talk to!

No one asked me...probably bc I'm older for a first time mom (I was almost 32 when I got pregnant). We decided to wait 2 years after we got married to start TTC and during that time lots of people asked if/when we planned to have kids.

I never ask but when people let me know how long they were TTC it is very eye opening to me. My husband's friend just told him she's pregnant and told him it took them 10 months to get pregnant...her and her husband waited to start TTC until they had a good amount saved, etc so it was hard when they were finally ready that they weren't getting pregnant right away.

Makes me think a lot about #2 and how long it might take to get pregnant...

The only people who know about our infertility issues are our parents. We only told them because my husband had to have surgery and we didn't think it would be right to keep that a secret. So our parents know that we've already been trying over a year. I don't plan to tell anyone else.

I'm not pregnant yet, so my feelings could change, but I think I'd be ok saying something vague like 'longer than we expected!' to most people, and being honest with people who we're close to.

I haven't volunteered the info about how long we've been trying except to my good friends. It's not a secret, but unless ppl ask, I think it's TMI.

I didn't volunteer the information while we were trying or our miscarriage (except for my a very select few close friends/family members, but I've been very open about it with friends or family since.

I figure everyone assumes it's so easy to get pregnant and then have panic attacks when they start and realize it won't necessarily happen as quickly as they assumed (like me). Most of my friends aren't TTC yet, but it would have been a comfort if there was someone I knew IRL who was open about their struggles TTC that I could talk to, and I want to be able to be that person for someone else in the future.

There seems to be a stigmata against women who have trouble getting and/or staying pregnant, and I think it's in large part because a lot of women are very close-lipped about their struggles--because of the stigmata. They think there's something wrong with them (whether or not there is a problem), and they're ashamed (I was). I think it would be less of a stigmata if women were more open to sharing how difficult it can be. It's one thing to read stats about how it takes a healthy couple between 6-12 months to get pregnant, it's another to know real life people who had trouble.

I am continuously surprised by how comfortable people are asking about our TTC struggles, but I am very open and honest. If anyone asks, I am honest with them about pretty much any question they have. I feel like, you never know. They could be in the same boat and looking to reach out to someone. They could know someone who needs someone to talk to. And I could ALWAYS use someone to talk to =)

@FutureMrsMcK: I agree with what you've written. I really think women need to be honest and open with each other and tell the truth in order to erase the stigma.

@FutureMrsMcK: Completely agree with what you wrote. It took us 11 months, and if anyone asks, I'll be completely honest! Women shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Especially when it affects so many of us.

I’m always very honest about how much of a process it was for me to stay pregnant. Most of our family/close friends knew about our first miscarriage so they expected that we’d start trying again immediately after and were looking for an announcement right away…especially since it happened so quick the first time. People would make really insensitive comments about how easy it would be, etc. To me it felt like they were brushing our miscarriage away and just taking it as an exciting sign that there’d be a good pregnancy announcement from us soon. When it took 8 months after that miscarriage for us to get this sticky pregnancy everyone started to get almost pushy about it. When people asked directly I was very open with the fact that we were going through a bunch of testing and treatments to make sure that I didn’t just get pregnant but that the pregnancy would be a viable one.

Now that I’m 22 weeks pregnant I’ve also been very open about what we went through. Sometimes I feel like I have to be so that people don’t think I’m just a helicopter mom for being at the doctor all the time or getting multiple ultrasounds or being paranoid….almost like I need to give them a reason so that they understand we’ve had to really work for this baby.

@septca: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so glad to see you here I saw "septca" had posted on this thread and I popped right over to say hi! To get an avatar you have to upload a picture to gravatar.

*Sorry for the threadjack!

I think I'll be open about this for the same reason that @bluestriped bee mentioned - because I think that TTC is such a hush hush topic, and before I got into this world I thought that practically everyone just decided to start trying and then got pregnant right away. It was eye-opening to find out that it takes most people a while. My mom told me it took her about 6 months each time - I was shocked, and now I realize that's actually not too bad.

@jholler25: you have such a great perspective. I loved reading your post.

A lot of people asked me. Some of my closer friends I didn't mind but most times it felt too personal and made it really awkward. I also hated when people asked if he was planned or an "accident". I would usually answer. And change the subject lol

Yes, but most people already know that we have been trying for a long time. I agree with you that it's time to break the taboo. I've gotten so much support from other couples who have also had trouble that I will be happy to do the same once we do get pregnant.

Everybody in DH's family knew i m/c the first time at 12 weeks (somebody in his family has a biiiiiig mouth b/c we only told immediate family...) so people have been giving us the side-eye for a solid year, wondering WTF is going on, basically. I'm sure there will be comments once we finally announce. Close friends know it's my third pregnancy and it's been at least a year now, but I haven't had anyone blatantly ask how long we'd been trying. Probably because the ones who would ask already know. I've asked this of a few friends of mine--but they all knew we were trying. You can tell when someone is just being a nosy busybody and when someone is genuinely asking due to the situation they're in.

I don't know if I will or not. I've shared with close friends when we plan to TTC, but it seems kind of private to me.