You have an 18 yr old kid who is graduating from high school in 5 days.
Guess what? No one order the cap and gown!
The paperwork to order it went to the child - MONTHS ago
Who is at fault?
The child - he is 18, grown up enough to handle this responsibility.
The parent - the 18 yr old is still a child and the parent should have asked about it and helped him follow thru?
and you cant say both 
97 votes
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
At 18, definitely the child. You've gotta grow up sometime and your parents can't hold your hand for everything!!
watermelon / 14206 posts
Knowing me, I will be keeping up with every little detail for D's graduation. He'll have enough school work to get done and probably won't have the money to get it.
I would be asking all senior year if any graduation info came home.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
In our house, that would be on me. I feel like it will be my responsibility to make sure she gets everything she needs until she is out of high school. She can order her own college graduation cap and gown, I'll probably bug her to make sure she did it, though. 
grapefruit / 4089 posts
At 18 years old, I would say the child.
Eta: I feel like the transition from high school to college or university would be much more difficult for the child if, up until that point, the parent took care of everything for them. I was a pretty independent and responsible teen, so moving out on my own at 17 for school wasn't a huge shock. I hope to foster that same sense of independence in my own kids.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
At 15 I was responsible for making my own medical appointments. At 18, I would say it's the child's responsibility.
pomegranate / 3160 posts
Like you said, the paperwork went to the CHILD. While the parent may do the actual ordering, the kid needs to get the info to do so.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Adira: I agree! If they can't handle this, have I done what I needed to as a parent?
I am not saying that they need to have their own credit card and do the ordering, but it's on my son to at least give me the order form, filled out.
nectarine / 2132 posts
I just don't think one turns 18 and is magically a responsible adult. Yes, it would have been smart to have given his parents the paperwork but did they never think to ask about it? As the REAL adults, who have already gone through the graduation process, I would think they would have had some idea of what needed to happen.
As a parent I would be annoyed at my kid if this happened, but would ultimately feel like it was my responsibility.
squash / 13208 posts
Thanks for the replies - I still cant figure out who is to blame - then again, does it even matter at this point?? 
My DSS's mom totally dropped the ball or my DSS did - on one hand I cant believe it never occurred to her to even ask about it??? She didn't order announcements either.........
Then again he is old enough to say "here mom, can you help me with this?"
My DH is trying to get this all cleared up in the next few days - otherwise he wont be able to walk!
eggplant / 11716 posts
Honestly, I've never worked at a school that would let this happen without multiple, multiple reminders to the senior. I mean, sure a parent could/might ask when the graduation cap and gown orders are coming out but they aren't the ones being reminded every day at school to take care of it.
Having said this, I know someone who did this when I was in HS and they had to wear a cousin's old cap and gown, which were a slightly different color (or maybe had just faded).
pear / 1846 posts
The paperwork went to the child so whilst it might have been the parent to do the actual ordering, it was the child's responsibility to hand over the letter. In my eyes the same would apply for any child over about 13...
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
@Mamaof2: oh no. I hope your husband can get it sorted out quickly!!! I'm sorry they dropped the ball. 
That's a tough spot for you to be in.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
I took care of everything myself at that age. The child.
pomelo / 5000 posts
How would the parent even know about it if the paperwork went to the child? I probably wouldn't even think about it as a parent until a week or so before graduation.
persimmon / 1178 posts
I was expected to take care of that myself when I was a kid and I would expect my kid to be resposible but I voted parent because I work with highschool students and I would say only about 50% could be relied upon to follow through on this. Why? Because they either are too disorganized or they don't get that it matters, that they won't be able to walk in their HS graduation. That is a big consequence and maybe not foreseen by the kid.
pomelo / 5820 posts
The 18 year old. That would have totally been on me if I failed to order the gown. I took care of all of my school stuff in high school.
eggplant / 11716 posts
@Mamaof2: One other thought: I will say, these days almost all schools have major news and deadlines on their website. My school has it both on the home page and on the "parents" page, so for sure if the mom had been keeping up with school news, she would have seen it. Unless this is a very small school with no website. Having said that, at 18 I still think it's about 80% the kid's responsibility.
Cap and gown orders are the type of thing put on the school announcements every single day until the deadline.
pomelo / 5000 posts
I will also add that I was a super forgetful kid and could see myself messing something like this up. Yes, 18 year olds are technically adults and should be more responsible, but their brains are still maturing and they make dumb mistakes.
As a parent, I would be annoyed, but would try to find a solution like @MoonMoon: mentioned. Graduation should be a happy time!
pomegranate / 3791 posts
The child. They're old enough to be getting ready to go to college where they'll be responsible for all of their school stuff, so yeah they should certainly be able to remember to get a form filled out.
And I'd be willing to bet that the school had a million reminders for the kid.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
Totally what @Anagram said. I voted child, but of course as a mom you also want to be on top of things, especially if you know your kid is forgetful. I find it hard to believe that the school never mentioned this in a bulletin, letter home, website message, etc. for the parents.
honeydew / 7091 posts
Definitely the child's responsibility. However, I think the parents do have some level of responsibility to keep their child accountable and make sure they're getting stuff done on time!
nectarine / 2079 posts
The child. If my kid can't handle the simple task of ordering a cap and gown or getting me the information to do so, then maybe they shouldn't be walking across that stage.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
100% the child. 18 is absolutely old enough to take responsibility for this sort of thing or at the very least go to your parents and ask for help if you can't handle it on your own.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Absolutely child. It's HIS graduation! If he can't even handle this simple responsibility, how will be survive college/real world?!
My parents immigrated to the US and since I am the oldest (first to go through everything), they really had no clue what's going on so it was always up to me to figure things out!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@Mamaof2: I'm sure he will still get a diploma, he just won't physically walk. At some point you have to learn some consequences!
grapefruit / 4862 posts
First kid, I don't think I would even THINK that there was paperwork for that. I do think the school, if trusting the kids 100% with bringing home or filling out that paperwork themselves, might send a "graduation update" to parents to outline what should be done (paperwork for cap and gown, any costs, grad day schedule of events, etc) so that this situation could be avoided. However if LO (funny to call an 18 year old LO, haha) had gotten that info and not processed it or brought it home for you to process, that's on them. With a 2nd kid I would know what to expect so I'd ask about it, so while still on LO, this situation may be avoided.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
18 isn't a child, he should very much know to get it done. I'm sure it was mentioned several times as a reminder at school.
kiwi / 557 posts
Responsibility of the 18 year old young adult, as the parent I'd be very disappointed in not seeing my child walk at graduation though.
bananas / 9899 posts
The child. If she didn't even notify me of it, it wouldn't have been on my radar. When I graduated the gowns and caps were provided by the school as a one-size-fits-all sort of deal.
nectarine / 2504 posts
At that age, I was taking care of that type of stuff myself. 100% the "child's" responsibility.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
The child, it's paperwork to bring home, even if it's to the parent. I bet he didn't get just 1 form either...I think he would have had SEVERAL reminders.
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