Hellobee Boards

Pregnancy- me. I agree with @Smurfette
L&D- Hubs, for sure. I passed out twice while post-partum and he is so dramatic and said he thought I was going to die
Newborn- DH again. It had been 7 years since we'd dealt with a newborn, and I was the primary caretaker for our oldest. With our daughter, he was the SAHP, so it was more difficult for him.

Pregnancy--me, I guess? Not really traumatizing, just some gross/painful things I wasn't expecting!
Labor- DH! I have really fond memories of labor, but he remembers seeing me writhe in pain while waiting for an epidural.
Newborn stage- probably me, because breastfeeding was so awful. But DH had to hear me/see me cry constantly, so I'm sure that was tough!

Pregnancy--Me. Though I actually enjoyed it for the most part (except for the swelling).

L&D--Neither. We had a great experience.

Newborn--Me. DH is so patient and calm. I have high sleep needs and didn't deal well with the sleep deprivation.

Pregnancy - me, however, I don't have many complaints. It was pretty simple.

Delivery - DH for sure. I had an emergency csection which was scary for both of us. I was terrified of losing another baby and the csection was scary. Don't get me wrong, I had PTSD and was tramatized. But DH thought we were going to die. I've never seen him cry but he did when it all got real. He's still unsure if he could do it again.

Newborn - I'm not sure. I had PPD and horrible migraines. DH has continuously struggled with not being selfish. Plus M was allergic to milk and constantly sick which had us in and out of the hospital. Plus there were other medical issues. Hard on both of us but again, I know I'd do it again but DH isn't so sure so I guess he wins.

Pregnancy - Hubs probably. I wasn't overly bothered by being pregnant, but it did make me tired and emotional and I don't think Hubs was really expecting some of my outbursts or my suddenly unwillingness to do stuff.

L&D - Equal. Hubs witnessed it and almost fainted and thought I was going to die at one point. And I was totally unprepared to give birth without an epidural.

Newborn - Me. Hubs seemed to dive into fatherhood and seemed so patient and cool about everything. MOTN wake-ups didn't even bother him, and he handled everything from diaper changes, shushing, swaddling, etc., except feedings. On the other hand, it took me a good 7-8 weeks to bond with Xander and I found breastfeeding to be such a struggle. I often found myself wondering what the heck I had gotten myself into.

Pregnancy - me. I had a sucky pregnancy.
Labor/delivery - Affected DH emotionally short term, affected me physically and emotionally long term.
Newborn - me, but thankfully this was the easiest phase of the 3. Or at least I'm remembering it to be.

Pregnancy - It was harder on me at the beginning (morning sickness and migraines) and harder on him at the end (I had pre-e with HELLP syndrome and, in hindsight, I think it was pretty scary for him).

L&D - neither. Obviously I felt more pain, but I had a smooth induction and a great epidural.

Newborn - Definitely me. I was a total mess (BF struggles and a colic monster) and he was a rock star. He really stepped up and shone when I just couldn't do it any more.

I'm really surprised by everyone saying L&D was equal or even harder on DH! Very interesting to know.

I loved being pregnant and labor went great. Newborn stage is brutal for the both of us. Breastfeeding was painful and DH is not a fan of the middle of the night wakings.

Pregnancy- me, but I cannot complain. Though DH was a little shocked the time I started bawling because he took too long to make breakfast.

L&D- obviously, physically it was a lot harder on me, but like a few others have said, it was scarier for DH. There were some minor concerns with her heartrate and a bit of a rush to get her out at the end, but in my haze of labor I just knew it was all fine and they were overreacting (in my head. I'm sure they were reacting appropriately!). So that was scary for him, and the way I was zoning out. Meanwhile I have wonderful feelings about my labor now.

Newborn- traumatizing isn't the right word, but it was way harder on me since we BF, so I handled all the night feedings, and I SAH while he went back to work, so I dealt with the baby the refused to ever nap and just screamed. BUT, I was more prepared for the way our lives would change so he had a bigger adjustment in that sense.

This is very interesting.

I was actually quite traumatized by my first pregnancy.

Pregnancy - me - was sick all the time.

Labor / Delivery - me maybe both - very scared there were a lot time we thought we might lose LO... elevated heart rate, didn't want to come out, cord wrapped around his neck twice, bad newborn scores and didn't cry when he was born (a lung specialist came to check him out).

Newborn - this was actually the easy part but we had a lot of help for the first 6 months.

I will say that you sort of "forget" how bad things were during pregnancy and labor and even newborn because after a while we were like we should have another... and now that we are expecting our second this is all flooding back to me how bad it was last time... and how even worst it is now (my pregnancy so far has been BAD!) but I'm excited to have another baby and a sibling for LO. In the end everything will be worth it. These stages are a small length of time compared to the rest of your life.

I don't think any part has been really traumatizing. Is that weird? I had a horrific L&D, but now it's just a funny bizarre story. I think it helps that we are done so we never have to do it again. And every awful stage we move through and think at least that is over forever!

Pregnancy- me. But compared to other women my symptoms were minor. Backache throughout 2nd and 3rd trimester and minor nausea

Labor/Delivery- Me. With LO1 I had a 3-day-long failed induction that ended in csection (which I don't really remember cuz I was really tired) but postpartum pain was pretty memorable. With LO2 I remember entire csection so I'm still traumatized and incision is always painful for at least a month

Newborn stage- Both of us were traumatized with LO1 because she cried nonstop for 2 months.
Me with LO2 because he was super easy since day1 and mostly slept the first 3 weeks. So I was the one getting up to breastfeeding

Pregnancy - Me. I had an uneventful pregnancy, but it was not fun.

Labor/Delivery - Me, but it was not too bad. I had a relatively short uneventful labor with an epidural, but pushing was not fun. DH watched everything, but did not seem traumatized.

Newborn - Me because I was breastfeeding, but it was so much easier than I expected, I can't complain. We both adjusted pretty well. DH is always calm, and it rubbed off on me.

Pregnancy - Me. I had horrendous morning sickness the entire time for both pregnancies....like in the ER getting fluids put in me, kidney stones from dehydration, losing tons of weight...it was absolutely awful.

Labor/Delivery - Me. I know DH felt helpless and it was hard seeing me in pain, but the pain was horrendous and the emergency c-section was terrifying.

Newborn stage - DH. I did have some lower moments with tears, and he didn't really experience that, but overall it was harder on him. I do better on less sleep than he does, and he had to go straight back to work and would get home right as 'the witching hour' was beginning. Plus it took him a long time to feel comfortable caring for L and to get down his routines down because he was working so much (60 hour weeks, ugh.)

I wouldn't say either of us were traumatized. I had a great pregnancy, delivery was challenging for both of us (obviously much more so for me, but it was very difficult for my husband to watch me in pain and not be able to do anything), and the newborn stage was challenging too (probably more so for me because my husband went back to work after 2 weeks and I am a SAHM with no family around). Definitely don't think traumatizing is the right word for our experience!