Hellobee Boards

@PurplePeony: We have this issue as well, my inlaws and my husband's extended family is on another continent.

@Lindsay05: this is our plan. Also they don't need to expect us to do that. It will be an unexpected gift.

@Bookish: It's a shame that we don't have universal higher education or at least more subsidized!

@Bookish: <--- what you said.

I also want to plan to be able to cover an equal amount of college expenses between our children. My parents didn't pay a cent of my college education, and finally realized when I was a 5th year senior busting my ass working two full time jobs AND taking on student loans, that they *maybe* should've helped me out. Sooo.... they paid for my sister's entire college education.

I'm not bitter at all about it when I make my monthly student loan payment. Kidding. I totally am.

Childcare, private school and travel to see grandparents. Those are the big three!

@Mrs. Jacks: Same here, minus med school. I have been in the process of taking classes to prove I'm ready for a specific graduate program for 3 years now. I just couldn't pull off the GPA with everything else I was taking on while I was in undergrad.

@SweetMamaM: I think that is one of the primary factors contributing to our widening gap between rich and poor in this country.

Daycare costs $2500 for one kiddo around here, so no, a giant family is not in the cards for us. My family all live all over the world too, so two is the max for us for sure. we need to pay for college, retirement etc.

Additionally, finances aside I think two is the right number for us. I liek to eat in restaurants, travel and do all kinds of things that are a lot easier with two than a huge family. I am definitely not willing to do the newborn thing more than twice.

@Sapphiresun: @plantains: There's a house for sale across the street from my apartment for the low low price of $1.2 million...which is actually a steal compared to other neighborhoods. I will be sticking with my small rental

But two has always been the perfect number for me, we are just adjusting our child spacing due to finances.

@mrsjazz: cray cray! So funny how living here completely skews the idea of affordability. Like you, we are adjusting out spacing because I do not have 5k a month to spend on childcare, the mortgage is bad enough haha.

For us, it's kind of a lifestyle choice. We could *probably* afford 2 kids in daycare....if we cut off cable, turned our heat way down, never traveled, never went out, etc. But that's not the life we want for our family. We want to take vacations. We like to watch tv and movies. We like to go to concerts and out to nice dinners. And we like to keep our house warm in the winter! We are not willing to sacrifice those things just because "D needs a sibling!"

In the long-term picture, we'd like to be able to contribute some money to D's college. We probably won't be able to pay for it outright, like my parents did for me, but we'll hopefully be able to pay for most of it. And we'd like to retire at an age where we can actually enjoy retirement, not when we're 80!

I base most of my opinions on what my parents did, which might seem silly.

For us, we want to be able to help pay for college, put them in sports and take an occasional family vacation. It's beyond money for us though. I don't know that each child would get enough of my attention if we had more than 3 (mainly because my parents couldn't divide their attention with having 4).

I'm certain we can handle three financially though. We don't pay for daycare, I SAH and DH makes more than I probably ever will. Here's where my past comes into play besides dividing attention, my parents paid for a majority of my three sisters educations, along with their cars, some private school, family vacations, piano lessons, etc. with less income than we bring home. However, me, being the youngest of 4, I hardly played any sports because of the expense, I had to pay for college myself and I really felt the effect of my parents saying "there's no money left". I really would hate for any of my children to feel that stress.

We're still on the fence about #2, but the difference is being able to give one a really good life and keep up a lifestyle we want...nothing extravagant. We'd like to be able to take family vacations, go out to eat, not eat beans every night. We'd like to be able to contribute as much as possible to E's college fund. With two we'd have to make a lot more sacrifices, and we're not yet sure we're willing to do so.

But even if we do decide to have a second, and made significantly more money than we do we wouldn't have a third (unless by adoption) because we feel the Earth is over-crowded as is and we'd only want to replace ourselves.

@MrsMcD: I actually feel the opposite. I have 6 siblings, most of whom I don't speak to (and who don't want to speak to me). Quite frankly, having a college education (which I don't have), would have been much more beneficial to me than the often acrimonious relationships I have with my siblings.

ETA: That is just to say that any possible sibling relationship isn't a factor to us, because while they might be BFFS they might also be strangers, or worse, so we don't use it as a reason either way. But being able to help E afford further education is a big one.

@MrsMcD: I added an addendum so I hopefully don't come off as a total bitch who wishes my siblings never born. As for our relationships, I doubt even time will help.

@lovehoneybee: I didn't see your "ETA" but I never would have assumed you were a total b*tch. Maybe I'm blissfully hopeful that I will have one nice big family!

Daycare costs!!! especially if you have kids close together so you have two or more kids in daycare at a time

My theory is you can never be financially prepared for children. I want a big family (3-5 kids) and I'm not concerned about affording it. I'm concerned about handling it! Lol

I guess technically I'm not financially prepared for even this LO, but we will make it work of course. Maybe he won't get the nicest newest toys for Christmas but that's not at all important to me. I grew up in a household that had to stretch financially but I had a wonderful childhood with 2 sisters that I made great memories with. Having and raising a loving family is more important than money to me.

We originally didn't plan to have any kids, so one is a stretch for us. Buying a house suitable for kids and then deciding to (hopefully) do private school was never part of the plan until well into our marriage, so multiplying the expense by two or three kids is tough to imagine. I know it's been said by others, but paying for college to some extent is important to me because of the experience I had growing up. My parents pushed me hard to get into a great college, but they got some bad advice from other parents whose kids weren't on the same track. Those parents told them it was "the American way" to cut your child off at 18, so even though I'd worked my butt off to get into an amazing (and expensive) school, they told me when I got there that I was completely on my own and would have to get by with a combination of loans and work. That really screwed me over and I'd never do that to my kid.

I suppose we could afford more than the 2-3 kids we want but it would mean changing around the way we live. I don't know that we will be able to pay for 100% of college but I want to be able to offer significant help. I also want to be able to travel with our children, it is something that is very important to my husband and I. If we magically ended up with octuplets we would make it work, life would just look different. So I guess the answer is that affording it is different than wanting to make the life changes needed for us.