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This won't be an issue for us (although it will be tight), but I understand why urban families would say this - childcare is SOOOO expensive where we live that having multiple kids in childcare at once really adds up.

Childcare can be a huge problem, depending on where you live. It's so crazy expensive in some places!

For me we *could* have a large family, but we plan to stick to 2 maybe 3 kids for the sake of being able to provide them with everything they want/need. I want them to be able to be in all the clubs/sports/ect. without telling them it is too expensive or we can't afford it. I want to have a comfortable amount of space in our house, and I want to build so each child has their own room/area without having to fight and share.

@yellowbird: yep. we'd have to move to the 'burbs/totally change our lifestyle.

The cost of adoption seems so prohibitive. We've adopted one and are wondering and praying about where the money will come from to adopt another. We always wanted more kids, but don't see how we'd be able to afford more than two.

Primarily childcare. If we had 2 kids in daycare the cost would be more than our mortgage payment. 3 kids would be downright impossible in daycare.

Then of course all the things you have to think about them needing as they get older. Extracurriculars, clothes, field trips, doctor's visits, cars, college… all while trying to pay off my own student loans and contribute to our retirement at a level that will not force us to work until we're 75.

College education, plain and simple. It's not impossible that by the time our children are in college a 4 year undergraduate degree from a private college will cost $500K.

The cost of childcare is expensive. Our monthly childcare bill is more than our rent. We want to have one more child but we're going to wait to minimize the time we have to spend having 2 in daycare. Living in the city is expensive, plus I have student loans to pay back, we have retirement funds, insurance, and a college fund to build. If I won the lottery this wouldn't be an issue!

This is a huge concern for us. We would really like 2-3 kids but our expenses are out of control, even with one LO. We both work full time but daycare in our area is quite pricey. Later on down the road, we worry about paying for college (which is a must for us-- we do not want LO, or any future LOs, paying for college) and also just making sure our child(ren) have everything he/they need.

I never thought this would be an issue when I romanticized having children. I always thought things would just "fall into place." Unfortunately, the reality of where we live and our school debt/other necessary expenses, makes it hard to imagine having more than 2 LOs.

Somedays, I just think about throwing caution to the wind and hoping we land in a better place, but I am still nervous...

Everything PP said. Retirement, college funds, rainy day money, maybe even enough to help our kids out down the road, my kids not having to share bedrooms, stuff like that. I consider them necessities. I don't want to broke every day, be on government assistance, worry about paying the electricity bill or anything like that. The reality of income vs expenses is just there unless we live like cave people. I have no interest in that. I want a comfortable life and I want my children to have that, too.

I hear what the OP is saying. We do minimal childcare, live in a small house, don't drive new vehicles, don't take yearly vacations. We definitely will not ever say we will never have more kids because we cant afford because its all a matter of how you look at it. We work hard at putting our money into retirement and take reasonable affordable family vacations. I think it depends a lot on where you live as well. Big cities have a much higher living expenses (rent/mortgage, childcare, etc) so I can totally see how that would play a role.

Childcare and saving for college are the big ones, but EVERYTHING about kids is expensive. Doctor visit, clothes (even if it's second hand, they require a new wardrobe EVERY SEASON. Stop growing!), health insurance, food, space in our house. Even 'smaller' things like going to visit grandparents will eventually be super expensive as it will require a plane ticket per kid (we don't live within driving distance of any family). Every single thing we do will be more expensive with each additional kid.

Everything all the PPs said. Private school or homeschool is a necessity in our area. Childcare costs a fortune here. We plan to pay off our house and live mortgage free. We would like to be well cushioned for retirement. We'd like to help with college expenses. We don't live extravagantly now....far from it. We only have one child now and budget to the penny every month.

Wouldn't it be a shame to limit the number of kids you have because of college costs and then your kid(s), for whatever reason, don't go to college? I always think of this....

@MrsMcD: True, but I think it's a better scenario than having to tell my 18 year old that they will have to make a choice between not attending college or have to incur massive debt that they may never be in the black over because I didn't at least include the possibility in my financial planning.

@MrsMcD: college is pretty non-negotiable for me. I would definitely want my children to pursue higher education. Maybe not necessarily grad school (although I would prefer it), but a four year degree is something that would be non-neg, in our family.

@MrsMcD: College is a non-negotiable in our house.

Agree with @looch, depends on what you want to provide.

Like others are saying, it's not just the immediate necessities- I'm and staying at home so child care isn't this issue, thoughbitbwould be a huge one if I went back to work. But we want to be able to provide a lot of wants too- college tuition (we both graduated debt free and plan to work like hell to make sure out children can too), vacations, extra curriculars, a nice big enough house in a nice neighborhood (though I guess that costs the same with 2 or 4).

It's not only finances though-- the newborn stage really broke me down. We still plan on two but I'm not ready to contemplate when. And age- we waited until we were ready, including financially able for me to SAH, so we started at an age where having more than two would me having them closer together than I could deal with.

@Mrs. Jacks: yeah but just because they maybe have a little too much fun while in colllege doesnt necessarily mean they are irresponsible right? It took me a few years to figure out how serious college can be, and I had to pay my own way. Hopefully your kids will know to be responsible, as I am sure you will discuss with them beforehand