We've had alot of people say "I'm going to come visit tonight, you can go out for a while." or we've had family complain that they don't get to watch her. Well first off, we don't go out.. so therefore we don't need a babysitter. Secondly we will ask if we need a babysitter and why can't you just come visit, while we are home?
Does anyone else have family and friends that seem to want to be with your baby without you around?
I know people just want to be helpful but It's kind of annoying.
pomegranate / 3980 posts
Wow, ive never thought about it like that but yes we have a few people that are always complaining that they don't get to babysit... We don't really go out either and when we do we usually take her with us.
persimmon / 1150 posts
I don't mind if people say "hey if you ever need a babysitter just ask" but for example .. I got a text saying... "I'm going to come visit tonight after your DH gets home and you guys can go out." (like we are being told what to do) I replied... " yeah you can come visit but we will just stay home so we can chat with you."
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
My mom always says that too. She gets soooo excited when she gets to babysit and we're not there. The funny thing is, she's always over babysitting because I've been having awful migraines lately and she helps out a lot. But if I have a doctor's appointment and I leave her while she's babysitting at home, she loves it. It's not like I never let her see my baby!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
i would love to have this problem! only if i trusted the caretaker tho.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@lovelife: i think it's weird that people are kind of kicking you out of the house? but as someone who doesn't have anyone to babysit, i'd like to have that problem? 
persimmon / 1150 posts
@mrbee: I think I might like this in the future... but I still have the "new mom syndrome" I never want to leave her.. and If I do its with DH.
@artbee: Everyone gets so excited. I think I would rather have the babys parents around so I can hand him or her off when cranky or poopy!
I also think that people feel more comfortable without parents there when handling their baby... so maybe thats it
persimmon / 1202 posts
If you're there, they are just visiting the baby. If you aren't there, they are taking care of the baby. My mothering instinct switches on around my nephew and godkids. I WANT to take care of them. I also want to build their trust that if Mom isn't around, Auntie Cyn is a decent substitute.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I'd love it, but only if they have experience. I'd be totally fine with someone offering to come over while we go out.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
They probably assumen that you really do want to go out and that the only reason you don't go out is because you have no one to babysit.
apricot / 453 posts
@lovelife - I understand - we've heard that a couple of times. I think it's like playing house for them - especially if it's been a long time since they've had a baby in their home. I think people like to watch the baby "alone" so they don't have to be under the scrutiny of the parents (that sounds a little creepy).
pomegranate / 3398 posts
I think it's really nice.
Sounds like they don't think you will just go out and relax on your own because you need to take care of the baby and they want to tell you to go out and relax and that they will handle it. So, you have peace of mind that it's no problem.
I'm surprised it's being taken so negatively.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I've offered this for my sister several times and she always takes me up on it! The reason I offer it is because I know she is trying to watch expenses and doesn't like to pay for a babysitter on top of day care. So any chance she gets to go out with her husband for free she takes it. Also, for me it's a chance to get to know my nieces and nephews better. When the parents are around, the kids are all about them and kind of ignore me. But if I'm the only adult, they give me a lot more attention and start to open up.
eggplant / 11824 posts
I don’t have kids yet, but this thread did remind me of a comment my brother made to my mom about babysitting. He’s had some issues, and lived with my parents until about 2 months ago. Apparently what prompted him to finally (he’s 27!) move out of my parents house was the idea of babysitting for me! He told my mom he “had” to get his own place, so that he could babysit for us. My mom was like “ummm….or you could just babysit at YourSilverLining’s house, or our house, you know.” LOL 
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
I can understand where you're coming from - I can relate. My MIL does this to me because she likes to be with LO alone so that I can't be there to tell her not to do things (like cradle her to sleep, let her CIO, etc.). My MIL doesn't agree with the way I do things and likes to babysit so that she can do what she likes with her. Suffice to say, I don't take her up on her offer.
apricot / 489 posts
I have a co-worker that does this. And an aunt. I'm just not comfortable having either of them watch her. I'm not really sure why. We don't go out anyway either.
persimmon / 1150 posts
Its interesting to see everyones opinions on this topic. Don't get me wrong i appreciate when someone wants to watch her. But everyone who asks knows how we are... we don't go out.. not only because we can't afford it but because when he finally gets home in the evenings we like to relax and have family time. I also am very protective of her.... But I'm sure has time goes on I'll ease up a little.
apricot / 498 posts
My MIL has told us that she'd like to come over for the day (!!!) and we can go out. Um, no thanks. I find it weird too. If we need someone to watch him we will ask but I don't like being forced out of my house on someone else's time line.
clementine / 889 posts
My in-laws drop comments about it often. I just don't leave him often. DH and I don't go out together without him. (Yet, we will soon for a movie date.) I have never been away from him at bed time, and don't intend to have anyone else put him to bed anytime soon. It's my special time with him since he's at daycare all day. Also I'm a homebody, a control freak, and I have trust issues with others when it comes to DS.
I get a little annoyed with the comments from my in-laws but I know they just want time to love on DS and that's a good thing.
grapefruit / 4400 posts
I think people are actually just trying to help. I know I've said it a couple of times to my friends ("Hey! You guys can totally go on a date night if you wanna!") because they figure you're tired, haven't been out a lot, etc. I don't think anyone is trying to step on your mommy shoes when they offer that.
Maybe the next time someone says that and you don't feel comfortable leaving, but want to take a break-- say that you were REALLY in need of a nice bath/nap/quick cup of coffee at Starbucks down the street.
honeydew / 7968 posts
i think they want to give you alone time with your hubs. i think it's very sweet for them to offer. you're very lucky to have people who want to help out. annoying as it may be.
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