Ok before I start this, I would just like to state that I love my in laws and my friends, and this is probably going to sound like a cigarette smoker bashing but it's not, I'm just trying to understand. Ok so when I was 15 years old I stated smoking cigarette, amongst other horrible things, but, smoking is what graduated high school with me. By the time I was 24 I was smoking over a pack a day! I know and knew that smoking was terrible to my health and I never tried to sugar coat that. I always knew that I planed to quit well before I had kids, and that would be it. So when I was 25 and tired of having bronchitis every three months I quit smoking. That's been 4 years ago, and most of the time I don't think about it. The thing is me and DH do not smoke, but literally every single other person in his family and in our circle of friends do. Lately DS has been showing signs of allergys and I'm 100 percent sure that some if not all of it comes from the second/third hand smoke from family and friends. Now I don't mean DS is standing there while someone is smoking, but it's on their clothes, in their hair. You know when your a non-smoker you can smell cigarettes on everything. So today while I was in the emergency room with DS and my MIL , the Doctor of course was giving her a hard time for smoking so as soon as he left the room, she starts on about how, she raised 25 billion kids and their all fine blah,blah,blah. Except for the fact that DH had terrible asthma as a child, as did my niece who's mom smokes. Quit ducking lying to yourself!!! Everybody knows that smoking is terrible for your health and everyone else's! I'm a conservative so I don't care if you want to kill your self with cigarette smoke, by all means! But fucking own that shit! Don't bullshit me and try to tell me, who smoked for 10 years, that cigerette smoke is all puppies and rainbows. Just admit that yea it's horrible, but you like doing it.!!! I know we have theses post on here all the time about how our family's are always talking about "back in my day" and I guess this is my temper tantrum about my MIL and her "back in my day". I just don't understand why people feel the need to justify why they smoke. I'm not even sure why I'm so upset about this right now, I mean she could of at least said she'd bleach the house more or something. But it was like the mere suggestion that cigerette a could cause a child to have respitory problems was preposterous. Ok so bless all of you who made it this far. I really just needed to get that out! Anybody else have any stories to share?
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No, but you have my sympathy - everyone in DH's family smokes, and as much as it sucks living far away from family.... sometimes it's not so bad.
Do you think having a conversation with your MIL (or making your husband do it, since it's his mom) would be fruitful at all?
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Hugs, that's hard.
I think for many people, it's easier to justify things away ("back in my day!") than it is to entertain the idea that an action they took, like smoking around their kids, could have led to their children having health issues. People also have super selective memories when they feel they are being judged.
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@Jackiedavis87: I would be furious too. Good for you for quitting when you did, I know it's really hard. You're not crazy.
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If she refuses to face science, refuse to take your child to her house. My inlaws are smokers and I've had to take a lot of hard lines with them on the issue. My kids' health is more important than their feelings.
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@raspberries: DH and his mom don't get along Ha! I'm the peace keeper lol. It would be pointless honestly, so I've decided we're just gonna start limiting our visits over there. We have been going like everyday, so I'm just going to do a major cut back
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@yoursilverlining: thanks! I totally get what your saying and I know she probably thinks I'm judging her, and I am, but that doesn't change the fact that smoking is bad! It's like she grows a third head of you bring it up
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@Truth Bombs: I understand this I truly do, but we have zero contact with my family, so DH family is the only family DS has, and in all other things they are truly wonderful people. It's just this one issue. So I won't neglect them for this considering it is literally DH entire family that smokes. I'm just going to be more cautious and visit a lot less frequently, but let's be honest I do live a football field away sooooo,!i have to come out of my house sometime. Lol
I wanted to add they don't smoke in the house, only outside and not around the kids, so it's more of a third hand smoke scinerio.
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DH was a smoker for 15 years and quit when I got pregnant with DS. His parent's were heavy smokers to the point where we didn't like going to their house because we would reek of smoke when we left (they smoked inside, probably a pack a day each).
When DS was born we would only take him there if the windows were all open to air it out and they were NOT smoking inside, and I hated doing even that. Thank goodness they quit since then so it's not an ongoing issue.
A coworker of mine was also a smoker pre-baby, and wouldn't let her sister (smoker) hold her daughter unless she changed her shirt first.I think maybe you should put down hard rules about what is and isn't okay around your children. I know my drs office has pamphlets about the dangers of 3rd-hand smoke and I had 'subtly' left these out for MIL to read as well.
Obviously they have to decide to quit on their own, but changes like this might give them a boost to do so? Or at least save your son from allergies. -
I think she knows it is bad for her. I mean in this day and age, people who smoke (generally) know it isn't good for them, they generally feel pretty crappy about it but they might feel powerless to do anything about it. Or they tried to quit, it didn't work and they feel badly about that and don't want to try again. It's hard to break the cycle of addiction, what works for one person, doesn't always work for another, you know?
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@looch: I think it's more or less a, this is what life is. They are old bikers, whose parents smoked, and their parents, and so on. So I don't think that quitting as ever crossed her mind. She has a lot of muscle and nerve problems, and I asked her one day if she ever though about quitting smoking and eating better, and drinking water to see if that would help her problems. She said that smoking was the only thing that helped her pain 🙄. I should also point out that when I told her I had PPD she warned me about going on anti-depressants because they put you on a government watch list. She's very anti medicine and thinks her chiropractor hung the moon.
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@josina: that's awesome that your DH and in laws quit! I'm the only person I know who quit smoking, it's so weird to when I tell people that smoke that I quit, they look at me crazy, like "why would you do that"
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@Jackiedavis87: I admit I chuckled at a smoker loving the chiropractor since at least here a chiropractor is such a crunchy thing to do! You have my sympathy, I about lost my shit when my sister came to visit when my daughter was a baby, she was staying in my daughter's room (my daughter was in my room) and was going out several times a day to smoke, before she came I thought she had quit. I was so mad, I basically never let her hold her etc. It's hard, I wish I had a good answer for you but you have my empathy.
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@Jackiedavis87: I get it! I mean I can't understand the logic, but I get what you are going through. I had a family member that had cancer from smoking, continued to do so and got it a second time. But critiqued me for using non-stick pans. The Teflon causes cancer and I'm killing my family. Ugh!
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@MamaG: lol, this is what I needed to hear! I guess I just needed to know my in laws aren't the only crazy people out there.!
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@Cole: oh yea, that would not fly.!! As a smoker I knew not to be around a baby! It's crazy people don't get that!
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@looch: I was shocked when I had a patient who was getting recurrent peptic ulcers and respiratory diseases and I said, "I'm sure you've heard the smoking cessation talk a thousand times but I have to bring it up" and mentioned the negative effects of smoking and she was oblivious. She told me no one ever told her smoking could cause peptic ulcers and lung disease
I was shocked.
She said she'd try to quit because she was sick of going in and out of the hospital.
I also used to think that by now everyone pretty much knows how bad it is for you. But I guess I was wrong!@Jackiedavis87: I'm sorry
it's a hard situation to be in. My moms side of the family smoked when I was growing up and she didn't want us around it, but she also wanted us to be with family. They did smoke outside, but we'd leave grandmas reading of smoke. Thankfully it was infrequent enough that we're fine.
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I have an aunt who is extremely defiant regarding smoking. I'm sure she's heard about the health effects - she's had cancer already and her husband had an embolism that they attribute to her second hand smoke. But deep down, it's all about her, her addiction and her not caring about what we say. She smokes in her home and around her grandchildren regularly. If we drive in the car with her, she doesn't care if she smokes even if we don't like it. Luckily, she lives very far away from me and I only see her once a year or so. I would never let my son go to her house or ride in a car with her because he already tends to be kind of "wheezy" and borderline asthmatic. I can only imagine how hard it is for you since you live so close!
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My dad smoked in the house and the car when I was a child. I can remember winding the car window down and gasping for air, only for him to tell me to shut the window and stop making a fuss; he was insistent that "a bit of smoke never hurt anybody". Well, he died of lung cancer, so.... there's that.....
I hate the behaviour of some smokers. They are so addicted to it, they refuse to admit the truth about it. My DH has given up again now, but he had started smoking again while I was expecting baby #2 and he completely refused to accept that third hand smoke was even a thing.
Do you think having a conversation with your MIL (or making your husband do it, since it's his mom) would be fruitful at all?
it's a hard situation to be in. My moms side of the family smoked when I was growing up and she didn't want us around it, but she also wanted us to be with family. They did smoke outside, but we'd leave grandmas reading of smoke. Thankfully it was infrequent enough that we're fine.
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