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would you be accepting if your child was gay?

  1. Bookish

    GOLD / cantaloupe / 6581 posts

    Fine by me! I have aunt who is gay but due to prejudice in my family, she has never come out and said it to anyone. It makes me sad, and I hope our world is becoming more accepting so my kid (or anyone) won't have to hide who they are.

  2. PointeShoesTutus

    clementine / 797 posts

    Absolutely. I'd be sad for my child though simply because life is hard enough and unfortunately not everyone is so accepting of homosexuality. I'd imagine being gay would add a whole other layer difficulty to growing up. I'd have a hard time seeing my kids (of any sexual orientation) be in pain.

  3. Mrs Hedgehog

    pear / 1812 posts

    Completely. Sure it would take some getting used to buy as long as she is happy and I'm a healthy relationship, I don't care who she loves.

  4. sera_87

    pomegranate / 3604 posts

    this isn't even a question. of course!

    ETA: I view sexuality as a fluid scale rather than a fixed point.

  5. Mrsjets

    pear / 1699 posts

    Of course! I think that my generation is so much more accepting of homosexuality than my parents and I think that DS's generation will be even more so. I hope there comes a day in his lifetime when it isn't even discussed because its so obviously normal - like interracial marriages

  6. stargal

    pomegranate / 3890 posts

    @Mrsjets: YES! me to, it shouldn't even be an issue in the first place in my opinion. I hope my son if he was gay would never feel the need to "come out" to me, I hope its just a normal progression of ya this is who im dating type thing.

  7. immabeetoo

    honeydew / 7687 posts

    without a second thought both DH and I would be. I intentionally try to use more inclusive language when talking about parents or love and avoid saying or encouraging things like "he's going to get all the girls with those eyelashes" in the hopes that he doesn't grow up thinking being straight is expected, or better (even if statistically speaking, it's more probable!). ((whoa, run-on sentence))

  8. mrsdoily

    apricot / 367 posts

    I would absolutely be 100% accepting. I know that DH would be as well. Luckily we were both raised in very liberal households and taught to love everyone for exactly who they are. DH's sister is gay and no one in the family has even thought twice about her orientation, she is who she is.

  9. junebugmama

    nectarine / 2019 posts

    Hubs and I would be 100% accepting.

    However, I know people on HB who wouldn't be, but to say that, would just start drama and would probably just end up with them being attacked. There are lots of religious reasons, that could effect "acceptance" (the word you used)

  10. HellOnHeels

    clementine / 899 posts

    100%. DH, not so much. I've said to him a more then once that if our children turn out to be gay, if he "disowns" them I will do the same with him. In complete and utter honesty. We have VERY different views on homosexuality.

  11. googly-eyes

    GOLD / pomelo / 5737 posts

    I'm another of the view that I wouldn't want lo to be, because of all the hardships that would probably come her way, and I admit I would be surprised just because it's less common than heterosexuality, but other than that I don't really care! C is C and I love her the way she is!!

  12. cyndistar3

    pomegranate / 3980 posts

    I guess I am the major minority here and hopefully I don't get hateful responses but no, I couldn't just accept it. Would I still love them? yes, absolutely! Would I treat them differently? No. Would I pretend that I like it? No. If they asked me what I thought I would tell them (not hatefully). I couldn't consciously accept it and call myself a follower of Christ.

  13. erinpye

    pomegranate / 3706 posts

    100% ok. I love my girl period, regardless of choices, politics, and who she falls in love with. (And so does God.)

  14. erinpye

    pomegranate / 3706 posts

    @cyndistar3: A little tangent because I saw your post above mine: I am a Christian, too, and found the documentary "For the Bible Tells Me So" super informative and enlightening regarding what the Bible actually does, and doesn't, say about homosexuality- from the perspectives of many people, including religious. Worth checking out!

  15. hilsy85

    squash / 13764 posts

    @MrsMccarthy: exactly! I am totally fine if he's gay, that's a non-issue...but I would be SO SAD if he didn't want kids or wanted them with a partner and couldn't have them!

  16. yerpie110

    nectarine / 2771 posts

    Absolutely. There are no conditions on my love for her.

  17. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @cyndistar3: I hope this doesn't come off as hateful, because I'm honestly curious. Can you explain how you wouldn't be able to call yourself a follower of Christ and at the same time accept it? As far as I know the only references to anti-homosexuality are in the old Testament, pre-Jesus. And I'm pretty sure Jesus said to love one another and not judge. In my view it's more Christ-like to accept everyone as they are.

    ETA: Most of my religious studies were in college, not from Church growing up, so I honestly don't understand how these dogmatic principles get formed, or the reasons behind them.

  18. blackbird

    wonderful grape / 20453 posts

    Yes, I think DH would struggle a little more but we have also talked about it and he has said that he'd be accepting, it'd just take a little getting used to. You can't help but picture your kids' lives a certain way, and when that changes, I can understand how there is a bit of a mourning period maybe? I guess it's the same if your kids don't want to have kids, but you always pictured becoming a grandparents...anyways.

    I worry more about family being accepting. My parents are gay haters...some of DH's family I wonder about, but i know his immediate family is accepting. The rest of them can kiss my ass

    I don't care as long as she's with someone who treats her right and respects her and makes her happy. That's all I want.

  19. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    @stargal: I'm glad you started this thread. There will likely be several gay children with HB mamas. I don't know many gay people personally and have only had one friend come out to me. We were in junior high and some of our other friends shunned her. I really didn't understand why she was cominh out- I never made an announcenent I am straight. What I really didn't get was what her being gay had to do with her as a friend and her character. Losing friends was extremely confusing and hurtful. I vowed I will meet people wherever they are in their life and in their truth. A parent may find themselves parenting a gay child, pre-teen, teenager, young adult or adult that lives his/ her truth later in life. I assume my children will be straight like me and I imagine the hopes and dreams may change a bit if they are in fact gay. If gay though my children can get married and start their own family, so the dream doesn't have to change too much really.

  20. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    If i will be 100% honest I will say that, its not my ideal situation for my LO to be homosexual. If that was to happen I would of course still love him/her but its not my ideal situation because of my religious & cultural belief

  21. cyndistar3

    pomegranate / 3980 posts

    @MrsCB: I don't know if there is a really big difference between accepting and condoning but I could not pretend that it is okay with me and God. Yes I would still love them and I know God will always love them but I know of at least two places in the new testament where it states that homosexuality is a sin, and as their parent it is my responsibility to lead them, that is why I could not tell my children that I think it is okay.

    1 Cor. 6:9-10, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

    Rom. 1:26-28, "For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. 28And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper."

    Again, I mean no disrespect, I am only answering your questions.

  22. Dandelion

    watermelon / 14206 posts

    @MrsCB: In Christian religion there are sins against God, and sins against nature. Since, technically, homosexuality doesn't do along the plan of nature, for the purpose of reproduction, it's considered a sin against nature.

    This doesn't count for IF, adoption, or organisms that are asexual.

  23. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @cyndistar3: Thank you, that was interesting to read.

  24. mynoahbear

    pear / 1554 posts

    Of course, without a doubt, I would be.

  25. mrs. bird

    bananas / 9628 posts

    @cyndistar3: i respect the bravery it took to voice that opinion. while i strongly disagree with your beliefs on this, i don't think you're alone in them, i think you just happen to be brave enough to be the first to say it in this thread.

    honestly, reading this thread i've been wondering what people mean when they say they'll be accepting if their child is gay. does that mean they won't disown them? does it mean that they'll help pay for and plan their child's wedding to a same sex partner? will they be a positive support if their child wants to adopt with their same sex partner? because while i'd love to believe that everyone that said they'd be accepting if their child was gay would do more than just not disown them- that they'd proudly show off pictures of their gay child's wedding, that they'd be there with bells on planning a baby shower if they choose to adopt, but past threads on topics like same sex marriage make me think twice about the extent to which some would accept, let alone embrace. everyone says they want their child to be happy, but what about people that don't support same sex marriage, how does that work? how do you accept your gay child and desire for them to be happy without supporting their right to marry the person they love? the person that makes them happy?

  26. Mrs. Jacks

    blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

    @mrs. bird: For me, accept means all the rights and privileges incumbent on any other partner my child might bring home. It means celebrating who my girls are, supporting their decisions, nurturing, listening and guiding them in their journey... Exactly the same as if they were attracted to men. It would mean loving their partner as a daughter, fighting for the legal right for them to marry and adopt in my state, etc.

    That's my definition of "accepting"

  27. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @mrs. bird: When I say accept, I mean fully. In that we won't treat DS any differently if he were gay or straight. We would accept his partner (assuming he's good enough for DS, haha!) and love for him to get married and have kids in whatever way they choose, if that's what they want out of life. But then it's easy for me, since my best friend's gay and I've had a lot of exposure. I SO want my BFF to find the right person and settle down and be a dad, because he'd be amazing at it.

  28. LuLu Mom

    GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

    @mrs. bird: I would do all mentioned above, I would treat LO's relationship like that of one of different sex, I would give her the money we saved for her wedding & be in the front row crying happy tears that my LO found her soulmate, whether that be a man or woman. I will say that I will hope to approve of her partner, no different than if I approved of a man. I want her to find someone loving, kind, and supportive no matter the gender. As for grandkids, I of course want grandchildren, so I hope that if she were gay that she would still want to become a mother, and I would proudly show off that child!

  29. wahine08

    clementine / 957 posts

    @mrs. bird: I agree. I wondered the same things. I know a lot of people who have gay friends, family members, etc. and say they want whatever makes those people happy and accept them... but then don't support their rights.

    @Mrs. Jacks: I agree with your statement too! I would accept my children if they were gay and this would fall in line with my definition of acceptance.

  30. mrs. bird

    bananas / 9628 posts

    @Mrs. Jacks: I love that you would fight for her rights!

    @MrsCB: I think it's easier here than other places- here the marriage would be legal, we're all pretty used to the idea & we see same sex couples in public without ridicule. Other parts of the country I imagine it might be harder for people to find support. I have no doubt baby B will be loved and supported no matter what

    @LuLu Mom: Who doesn't want grandkids?! Seriously, I wanna be a grandma! Having children should be a choice, but I soooo hope my children choose to have a family, if they don't, that's okay too, but I'll be quietly disappointed.

  31. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @mrs. bird: I agree, I think MA has a very interesting culture in regards to these things. It's very Catholic, and yet very liberal and accepting of gays. I'm not sure we'll stay here forever, and I hope that as time goes by more and more areas become more progressive in this regard. Gay marriage is constantly being compared to interracial marriage, and I hope that analogy becomes true.

  32. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    I wouldn't mind, but unfortunately I live in a very anti-gay area, and come from a very anti-gay family, as does DH. So while DH and I wouldn't stop loving him/not accept him..I know he'd have a rough, rough road if he wanted a relationship with his extended families. It's not a life I would want for him, but again..I would love him either way.

  33. lilteacherbee

    cantaloupe / 6791 posts

    This thread and the majority of responses make me hopeful for the kind of world my LO will grow up in. This is a heavily discussed topic in our house for several reasons. Our area is not friendly to homosexuals (NC passed Ammendment One last year). Also, DH's best friend is gay. He is a 3rd grade teacher and while he is out to his family and friends, he's terrified someone at the school will find out because he would be treated differently.

    His parents definitely had an adjustment period because I believe it was a shock to them. He had dated one of my best friends (a girl) for over a year in college. He broke up with her and a few months later, told his parents he was gay. I think his mom had a little bit of a breakdown, but now, 4 years later, his boyfriend of 3 years is part of the family.

  34. mrs. bird

    bananas / 9628 posts

    @MrsCB: last night DH & i watched 'small town gay bar' on netflix. i cried. it's heartbreaking to me that in parts of the country people have nowhere to go where they can be free to be themselves and show affection to the person they love.

    @MrsTiz: that must be so hard, to have people you love hold such beliefs. i think it would almost come down to choosing your child or your families.

  35. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    @mrs. bird: it is! Hopefully we never have to chose. They'd still talk to him probably, but his BF would never be allowed to come to any family functions or things like that.

  36. mrs. bird

    bananas / 9628 posts

    @MrsTiz: i think in that case i would make the choice for them not to be part of my life- if they can't love and accept the members of my family for who they are, then they need not concern themselves with my family.

  37. meganmp

    persimmon / 1420 posts

    I think love and acceptance are two very different things, and I also think you can definitely have one without the other, unfortunately. To me, love is more primal and a feeling, while acceptance is more of an outward demonstration. My definition of acceptance is treating your child the same way you would treat them otherwise- as a PP mentioned, I'm not going to treat my children differently if one has blue eyes and one has brown, and I'm not going to treat them any differently if one is gay and one is not. I also loved what @Mrs. Jacks: said about fighting for their rights- I would in no way tolerate it if my child were denied something because of their eye color, why wouldn't I fight for their right to be the same as those of a different sexual orientation?

  38. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @MrsTiz: @lilteacherbee: Do you guys think the Raleigh/Durham area is similarly discriminatory? DH and I are thinking of moving down there in a couple years to work at one of the software companies in Research Triangle.

  39. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    @MrsCB: No I wouldn't think so, it to me is more "city"..which means people from all over, a lot of young professionals and money so they're probably more open minded. I'm in a southern military part, and lilteacherbee is by the coast, so we're in the more "my family has been here for generations" areas. My area is very anti-gay, anti-interracial and similar ideas. Raleigh isn't like that, I don't think.. MediaGirl is in Raleigh, ask her!

  40. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @MrsTiz: Oh good. I've been meaning to start a thread on what people think of that area, but I never get around to it. I'm kinda scared to move out of my liberal loving northeast, but it's so f-ing expensive here.

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