Today is my parents death anniversary and ever since our marriage my DH has always forgot the day. And add to it he made a nasty comment on something to me in the afternoon. We haven't talked since and then he refused to accompany me to DD's BFF birthday party. I am feeling really mad at him right now.
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I am sorry for your loss!
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You have every right to be upset at him. Hugs!
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@Greentea: Thanks
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@wheres_c: thanks
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I'm so sorry for your loss
I wouldnt be upset at my husband for forgetting though. I have to remind him when it's his parents'/siblings' birthdays most years. -
@chopsuey: Thanks.
I wouldn't have been mad if he forgot but his not talking to me made me really upset. We live really far from family and i couldn't talk to my brother n sister today. -
To be honest, I can never remember the anniversary of my husband's father's death or his birthday (he died 20 years ago.) However, sensitivity on this day should be a priority for him.
I am so sorry for your losses. -
My dh would probably forget too.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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@Jass: ugh, I'm sorry he isn't being sensitive and supportive on such a difficult day..
big hugs -
I wouldn't be. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember the day my mom died, maybe because I try to block it out. Last year my dad actually called me to check in and it took me a second to remember why he was calling.
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@simplyfelicity: thanks
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@mrsjyw: thanks
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@Miss Ariel: ditto, done to remembering why my dad was calling
I'll add the disclaimer that my mom passed away over 15 years ago, so it's not as fresh a wound for me.
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@Jass: I think he needs to be more empathetic. Try voicing to him what your exact needs/hopes/desires are on this day. Loss day is always hard! Not talking to me is not something I would appreciate. I hope you are able to connect with someone to let it out! Hugs!
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@runnerd: its been 14 years ,I was 16 and i lost them both at same time in an accident. But somehow this day always get to me especially after having my daughter.
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@Greentea: Thanks
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My gut was to say that I wouldn't be angry. Dates aren't necessarily something that's important to me. But, it sounds like this is something that hits you hard every year and unless you haven't knotwn each other long, he should know that this one day is a big deal for you. And to make the effort to remember isn't that hard. And I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine losing both my parents at the same time.
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I'm so sorry for your loss
I think I would remind him before...so I probably wouldn't be irritated.
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@Jass: I don't know how I'd feel because I haven't suffered that kind of devastating loss. I will say however you do feel, it's valid, and maybe this year, tell him you really need him to remember this day, every year, moving forward. Huge hugs and I'm so sorry for your losses
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I'm so sorry for your losses
I would be upset about it and I would definitely mention it. My DH didn't mention the anniversary of my dad's death this year (and it's only been 3 years) and I was upset about it for sure.
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I'm so sorry.
Have you reminded him?My DH never realises my dad's anniversary or birthday are approaching. I will inevitably be more sensitive around that time, which usually culminates in a huge argument, him snapping "what has got into you?" and then, once I tell him, he's more understanding.
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@Jass: I'm so sorry, that has got to be so hard. Honestly, I'd be hurt too if my DH didn't remember why this is such a tough day every year, but I'd also probably mention it in the days preceding to make him aware (eg something like 'I need you to take LO for the morning on such and such day as I will be taking some time on my own to remember my parents'), and then hoping he follows on from there with being extremely sensitive etc. Sending you lots of love today
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Yes I would be very upset. I remember dates that are important for my husband (like his grandfathers birthday or the day he passed away - we live in his old house and I know those days bring back so many memories). Plus in December many years ago my mom had brain aneurisms rupture. While she survived it was a horrible three months of not knowing and surgeries plus a completely different person came out of the brain trauma so in a lot of ways my mother of 19 years died.
Sorry to ramble, but either way it's important to you so it needs to be important to him. How hard would it be to set a reminder in his phone to remind him that it's coming up so he could be more sensitive. I'm in the minority here but I'd be hurt and angry.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
I've never been in your shoes, but I think I would be upset. I have been watching one of my close friends struggle with her sister's death anniversary every year. To lose both of your parents at such a young age, that is so devastating. I would express how you feel to DH and I hope that will help him remember going forward.
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I don't know how I'd feel. I don't think this is a "am I being unreasonable" scenario. If you're needing extra support from your husband that day and you let him know about it, he should lovingly provide that for you.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
My DH is really terrible at remembering dates. He doesn't even remember the day he lost his loved one, his family always reminds him of the anniversary.
I would be very upfront with your DH about what you want him to do/say, like "Friday is the anniversary of X and I would really appreciate it if we could Y." And then remind him a couple days before. This is how I have to be with my husband, about a lot of different scenarios. It isn't that he doesn't care, he cares very deeply, he just doesn't remember things well and thinks about things in a different way.
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I am sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the date is coming up in 2 weeks. That said, I don't think my husband knows the exact date. I also do not talk about it with him -- but that's just my way of coping. You are allowed to feel how you feel, but maybe he doesn't understand how you want/need support on that day.
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I'm sorry for your loss. I find I usually have to remind my husband of my brothers death anniversary
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