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This sounds like my in laws. I would be slightly annoyed but your lo will just be happy to celebrate twice

I would actually be upset and annoyed.

I can see how it would be offputting, but I think it’s not super weird since it was the actual birthday and they were together, you know? But it seems like they would have maybe mentioned it ahead of time.

@erinbaderin: but the parents usually plan birthday celebrations for their children and in this case they did and the grandparents chose not to attend and plan their own celebration behind the mother's back. Why couldn't they mention it beforehand and given her the chance to decide if she wanted to be tbere?

i would probably be annoyed that they didn't tell me beforehand (because everything my in laws do annoys me lately!), but not that they brought presents, sang, etc, especially on the actual birthday. it might be weirder actually if they just ignored it?

I think it's nice. They were likely more focused on the fact it's your LO's birthday, then who was present. It would be odd to me if my in laws ignored my kids,birthday. Unless they have a history of trying to uphand you. In that case, instantly annoyed.

No, not weird. Sounds like you chose to do something else today so not sure why it’s brow raising.

So my in-laws really value celebrating actual birthdays and wouldn't think twice about this. I wouldn't be upset, but I'm also doing 4 birthdays with my LO (weekend before with my parents, actual birthday with just us, day after with in-laws, joint friend party two weeks later).

Also, were you not invited or did you choose not to come? I could see my DH doing something similar and it'd be more that I was welcome, but no formal invites are ever issued.

@DesertDreams88: just curious, why do you think your husband didn't insist they wait till you are home? Or at least call you and tell you of his family's intentions and then ask if you want to continue your plans or come home to do the cake?

Because whether or not HB thinks it's weird is irrelevant-- it rubbed you the wrong way and your husband didn't stop it and didn't include you. It seems like a discussion you need to have with him. Inlaws or your own family might do all kinds of crazy things, and it's up to the two of you to buffer those things and always be a team with each other first, before pleasing extended family whims. Seems like a DH problem.

That wouldn’t bother me. I agree with @anagram: that if my husband knew I’d be a little weirded out he didn’t mention it (we’ve been together awhile and he knows I can get BEC about stuff regarding my in-laws), but that’s just me. I also agree with @truth bombs: that I would personally find it more annoying if they straight up just didn’t acknowledge it. In fact, this scenario happened last year with the nanny (except my husband wasn’t present) and I didn’t think anything of it. I had to work so she took him to get a cupcake and gave him his present. She sent me a picture and it meant a lot to me that she was going out of her way to make him feel special.

If your husband knew about it I also don’t think it’s far fetched that they maybe assumed he would tell you?

It would have been nice to know and have the option to be there and I understand why you would feel a bit slighted. That said if family were watching my kiddo for what sounds like full time, safety aside, I’d let a lot go.

I don't think it's weird. You made plans on his actual birthday, which is why you're celebrating on a different day, but you expect your MIL to cancel her standing plans? I think it's a bit weird they didn't mention it to you beforehand, but not that your MIL would want a chance to celebrate with him.

Seems normal to me. I'd assume my IL's would do something if they had DD or DS on their actual bday.

I don’t think it’s weird at all. Sounds like your MIL and FIL didn’t run pass the plans with your husband either. To me it sounds like your ILs took advantage of your husband already bringing LO to them and decided to celebrate their grandson’s birthday. This actually sounds like a very special visit for your LO. I love cake and would have missed having a slice, but other than that having other people get excited about my LO warms my heart.

I don't think so. Just be glad they love your child so much and wanted to celebrate with them . My son has always thought his birthday was to be celebrated the whole month. My In laws never came to a birthday party or celebrated with my kids. They did get a card for birthday until they turned 16 then nothing.

No, I wouldn't. It sounds nice to me.

I'm super low-key in my birthday celebrations and my in-laws are way more into the party and presents side of things. Fortunately they don't live close enough to do this so it hasn't come up. While I agree with many others that it is weird they didn't tell you, I think I'd be totally ok with my daycare doing a birthday celebration for my kids as well. Not much, just a little cupcake or song.

Honestly the part that actually would irritate me is that he opened presents without you around. (I know this sounds weird, but bear with me) You get cake and songs at other public places to celebrate, but opening presents is reserved for the actual birthday celebration when everyone is there. Your MIL is choosing not to attend the regular birthday celebration, that doesn't mean she gets to unilaterally decide that YOU don't get to attend his 'first' birthday party that year.