My SIL and her husband sat down with my FIL and explained to him they would start trying in early 2016. Strikes me as odd. What do you think?
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My family knew for multiple years that we were waiting on DH to get a specific promotion at work before we started trying.
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Heck no. Nobody needs to know details of my sex life.
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Not with that much lead time and so formally but I might possibly mention it to my mom. But most likely no. There are too many variables and its a decision between me and DH only so if we changed our timeline, I wouldn't want to feel like I need keep everyone updated.
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nope!
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Nope!
It seems especially odd since they are so far away from TTC. It sounds to me like they might have been hinting that they'd really like to try sooner, if only a certain someone could help them out financially. At least, that's the only reason I can think of telling one's FIL a year in advance.
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Um, no. That just opens the door for asking for updates!
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Nooooooooo!
Although my SIL know from girl talk, plus we were trying around the same time. It was a nice support system for both of us.
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@sapphire: That's what I thought! Could you imagine those conversations?! Awkward!
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Nope! If they asked it would be very general and I would probably give a vague answer.
When I told my sister I was pregnant she said "on purpose?" (I was 29 and married. WTF?)
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Yew
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We didn't share any information, and got questions now and then. After we had had some losses, we shared what was going on and the questions stopped.
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Not exactly. When were TTC if my parents asked when they were going to be grandparents I shared we were trying. Otherwise, I don't see why they would need a heads up.
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No, seems icky to me. Our families had a very vague idea but nothing specific and creepy.
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I don't feel the need to share that level of detail. If it comes up in convrrsation I would give a rough estimate and keep it vague.
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Uhm, no. My parents didn't need to be thinking about when we would be having sex. They had no idea we were trying for our first and won't when we will be trying for #2. Besides, I don't need their input or approval on what goes on in my uterus.
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@Mrs Hedgehog: Exactly! We haven't discussed with any family that we are trying for #2 and it's been taking so long (19 months), that I know that they are dying to ask. But, we are keeping our mouth shut for now..
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No. It's an extremely personal decision for a magnitude of reasons, and doesn't require anyone's input or involvement other than mine and my husbands.
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No. My dad does not need to know I'm having sex.
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Nope! So awkward
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I told my my mom and sisters I was trying for a summer baby. We were trying to plan a summer family vacation and I didn't want to commit to dates till I got pregnant. It took us 3 months this time, so they had to wait a couple of months to make plans!
They never pestered me for updates though.
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"Soon" was my standard answer.
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My mom knows we decided to start trying for #2. She's planning on moving in with us later this year, and I wanted her to have all of the info beforehand). And she's known about my back and forth about having another. She's my anxiety sounding board, lol.
I would never have sat down and had a formal conversation about it, though, especially so far in advance (and definitely not with my father).
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Since we've been married for 4 years, bought a house, and have lots of evangelical/family-focused friends and family; the questions started coming up more and more. We always said that we were waiting until after I finished my graduate degree, which was in August 2014. I got pregnant in Sept and lost the baby late Oct, and everyone ended up finding out since it was a drawn out process and I'm not a private person. So the questions have generally stopped.
I talk to my mom sometimes about TTC bc she tried for 18mo, and we are on month 8. I would never in a million years talk to my MIL about it.
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Nothing that specific! For years I had not wanted any kids at all (and been very up front about it). Largely because of that, Sweetie sat down the the ILs and told them I'd had a change of heart, and that we were likely to try for a pregnancy sometime in the next couple of years. We just wanted to give them enough of a heads up that any pregnancy news was clearly a happy, welcome announcement.
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I would only have a sit down like that if I was trying to stop unwelcome questions (like if the parents were constantly asking or pushing for kids and the couple isn't ready)
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Nope! So awkward.
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@oliviaoblivia: this!
I don't even know why that would be anyone's business!
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We had originally mentioned to them that we would start trying May 2015. But then it got moved up to just last month I told my mom withing like two weeks of keeping it a secret. My parents know, my older sister(who is super excited to unload all her babygear on me) know and so does his mom and step dad. Unless my mom told my younger sister she has no idea same for DH's sister. His father I think has a idea but i'm not sure. I can't kept stuff like this to myself lol.
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My family knew our plans. It wasn't a secret. Start trying a few months after we got married. Got pregnant right away. Start trying for #2 when #1 was about a year old. And they know we want a 3rd not too far behind. Maybe it would have been different if we got married young. But I was in my mid 30s. Time is a ticking!
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Short answer is no, but my SIL and BIL know because we're pretty close with them, and they went through years and years of trying and losses before they were able to start a family (they now have 2 beautiful little ones). So i'm able to lean on my SIL a lot to talk through how tough it's been. They are incredibly supportive, helpful and understanding.
But we did just move to a bigger house in the burbs so it's kind of obvious to the world. I just hope my ILs don't ask any details when we go to visit them this weekend! I think my answer will be standard "not quite yet..."
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Yes
I'm close to my mom and she's worried about my age, and we're planning a big international family vacation for the end of the year, so I've been keeping her updated on when we are starting to TTC #2. I was a bit more vague about it with #1.
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We did for #1, my mom knew we were going on a trip to the Bahamas as a last hurrah before trying for kids. Just so happened that trip brought home granddaughter #4
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No, I can't inagine having that conversation! I do not want to know that my parents have sex, and I assume they feel the same way!
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Nope. But we did talk to them after we had been TTC for a year and my DH was going to have fertility related surgery.
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No way. None of their business.
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No! My in-laws used to REALLY press us about this though, "are you planning to try soon?",
"no? well, do you have plans to THINK about planning to try?"
They even used to corner me when DH left the room, thinking they would get more info out of me than him.
NO! None of their business! In the end it created quite a lot of tension and really put up a barrier between us. -
@lulu22: Your in-laws sound like my in-laws. Put a barrier between us too, and I will never forget some of the things that were said.
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@lulu22 oh that's kind of awful. Sorry to hear that. People (family, friends) need to understand that it is an extremely personal matter and that if you push that hard, it will be awkward/disappointing for everyone if it takes longer than expected (not to be a Debbie Downer, but you just never know what people are going through so I find it rude to ask). I am dreading the trip to see DH's parents this weekend because I cannot imagine the topic of grandchildren will not come up. I can see myself just tearing up about it because we're going through an especially hard time right now.
It's so tough to know how to answer those questions and hard to be direct w/your ILs that you wish to keep such sensitive and personal matters private until you have actual news to share. But I get it, they want grandkids. I wanted to be an Aunt so was in hindsight kind of obnoxious to my brother... they had their kid immediately but I feel so bad for ever bringing it up!!
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@YogiRunner: Gosh, that stinks about this weekend. Hopefully it won't come up. I think it takes a little more age and experience to know that question shouldn't be asked, so I am always amazed when parents and grandparents ask those questions - haven't they had enough life experience to know it doesn't always happen for everyone right away? Hoping you are able to get through the weekend, and hope you get your BFP soon!
I'm close to my mom and she's worried about my age, and we're planning a big international family vacation for the end of the year, so I've been keeping her updated on when we are starting to TTC #2. 
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56 comments