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Absolutely not. Both my parents and my inlaws like to make comments. And my inlaws like to corner me with awkward questions when DH leaves the room too! Ugh. I just find their comments to be insensitive sometimes.
FIL told DH's friend (after he had been married a couple years without kids), "No babies yet? You shooting blanks or something?". I was like geez that's really none of their business and what an insensitive thing to say! -
No, never. I would get harassed a million times over and probably a lot of unsolicited advice that would drive me crazy! We were married 6 years before having our LO, and it did get to the point where both sets of parents asked if were trying, and DH's response became a very serious-faced, "Are you asking me if we are having sex?" Kind of funny.
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@tiramisu: OMG...I can't believe your FIL said that!! People do not think before they speak.
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Nope! I mean I talk about age gap of #2 now with my mom but I wouldn't share more than that!
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@2PeasinaPod: I know, right! Worse, I knew they had been trying for a couple years.
The guy has no filter. -
I've given a general time frame of 5 years (when it's actually in less than a year now!!) because our moms are eager to have grandchildren. But I wouldn't tell them that we were actively trying, if anything because if we could conceive right away, I don't want pity or to feel pressured.
but also, it's no one's business!
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No no no!!
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Um no.
Our parents knew that we were ready for kids, but that's about it!
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Before I would have said no, but now since I had the ectopic in January they do know that we are going to try again when we are cleared which is April. so now they know
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My parents know the details as do my ILs because I've had 2 miscarriages over Thanksgiving and Christmas with family around. So now they know. But I didn't plan on telling them ahead of time.
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I wouldnt sit my parents down and discuss it but when they ask I give a "we're thinking around such and such time..."
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No, we didn't tell our parents. Shortly after we were married we got a lot if questions, though. To waylay them, I told everyone that we were going to concentrate on us for the time being, but that we both wanted kids "later on., when we were ready."
We were NTNP for a couple of months, but we got pregnant the same month we agreed was a good time to start TTC. So while we were married for 5 yrs, the TTC was not long and drawn out. Even if it was, however, I couldn't see myself sharing that with family.
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Ew.
My family found out we were trying when I told them I was pregnant lol
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No way. My sister is the only family member that knows we're TTC and she kept saying stuff about me not being able to drink over Christmas. I finally grabbed a beer and drank it right in front of her to stop her from talking about being pregnant.
This fall, my LO learned to say the word baby and would say it often when we FaceTimed with my dad. He finally asked if there was anything I wanted to tell him about J's new word. I just said no, but kinda makes it hard when you really want the answer to be yes.
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@YogiRunner: Have you tried having your husband talk to his parents about it? My MIL got so bad that I told my husband he had to tell her to stop asking about babies and if she didn't stop asking, we wouldn't go see her anymore. My husband is her precious baby and I'm sure she couldn't stomach the thought of being cut off from seeing him. She hasn't breathed a word about us having a baby since he had that convo with her and it was almost a year ago! And she knows we'd follow through and cut off seeing her for awhile if she did bring it up. I'm also pretty forward and told her one time when she was complaining that if she wanted kids so badly she could apply to become a foster parent and have another kid in her house that way!
Just stand up for yourself, you'll feel better!
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@alphagam84: good advice to just know when to be direct and stand up for yourself. Glad your DH knows how to be direct with his mom! We're still working on that
I actually found myself spilling the beans to a total stranger in yoga today! DH and I moved from the city to a small town with great schools, and she told me that she did the same BEFORE they had their kids and it was tough. So I basically blabbed that I'm in the same boat, and that we're trying to start our family in this town full of minivans but it hasn't happened yet. Why do i tell strangers these things
But it is really hard to make friends in this town without kids, so it was nice to hear someone else had gone through it!Not to go too far off topic, but what about coworkers/bosses? I consider my boss a friend and it's awkward that I haven't come out and said that I could be announcing a pregnancy any minute (God willing), but I feel like that's a bad move professionally (I wish it weren't, but don't want to them to think I might not be able to take on long-term projects, etc)... and it's already been a year of trying so it feels weird to just keep people guessing.
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@YogiRunner: I would probably not tell anything more specific to co-workers or bosses other than vague things like "when I have kids". If it continues to take more time (though hopefully not), you wouldn't want to potentially stunt your professional growth for no reason.
My husband and I waited a long time before we started trying, and I just told my boss last Friday about my pregnancy. She knew I was married with no kids, but of childbearing age, so she wasn't very surprised at all. I think most smart people know pregnancy is a possibility without you having to tell them (if that makes you uncomfortable). I don't think it is awkward to keep people guessing. Plus, you could just be one of those people who is waiting longer to start a family, so I don't think everyone would necessarily be guessing at whether you are trying or not. I guess my point is, I personally would not feel weird not explaining things to people at work, and I would not feel weird announcing a pregnancy out of the blue when the time comes - chances are, they won't be shocked anyway. You could surely mention it if you wanted and you consider these people close friends, but I think by no means is that necessary.
Just stand up for yourself, you'll feel better!
But it is really hard to make friends in this town without kids, so it was nice to hear someone else had gone through it!
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