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So for all of you that said no, would it change your mind if the reason for it were your child? Suppose they had a special talent that was better served in a school far from your home? Or what if they are older and want to finish school where they started?
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I don't think so. I only saw my dad 2-3 months out of the year between age 5-17 and it kinda sucked.
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DH lives and works 80 miles away during the week...so yeah. He does very well in his career and there are not job opportunities for him where we live. I enjoy my career very much and do not want to be a SAHM at this point in my life. We have a 13 month old and one on the way and it works for us right now. We've been doing long distance for nearly 3 years now and it just is what it is. Not the most ideal situation but not many other choices.
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Nope. I just couldn't. DH is my partner in everything...I would be lost without him here everyday. Careers aren't as important to us as sleeping next to each other every night.
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We dated long distance for the first 4 years and change, 4 hours apart. It sucked but we managed. Bf Lo I guess we could have considered it, assuming it paid enough for us to visit each other every weekend, and it was short term. With the baby, no way, I couldn't handle it. Maybe short term if we could see each other every weekend and have an evening mothers helper come in every night. But long term no- out relationship is just a lot better when we are together. And he kind of sucks with the phone!
But I sah so clearly the whole family would move together.
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I don't think it would work for us. In the last 8 years the longest we have been apart from each other is 5 weeks, and it was unbearable. We have spent pretty much everyday together since we met. We also have a family now, and I can't imagine us being separated. It's so important for him to be home, and I get on his case all the time about coming home late because I don't want him to miss out on our kid's childhood.
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Not if there was any possible way to avoid it. If we needed to financially, or if it was required for one of us to fulfill some kind of life long goal, we'd put up with it. But not for anything short of that.
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No. We spent the first 3 years of our relationship an hour away from each other and that was bad enough. I need to be physically with him at the end of the day. Kuddos to those who can manage it but we just can't. We would find a way of we absolutely had to but certainly wouldn't do it by choice.
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My DH works offshore for 3 weeks at a time. In a perfect world, it would only be 2 because it's really nice to have time to not worry about anyone other than LO, and have nothing to do but relax. When DH is home, we are going 90 to nothing and it's so busy! In a perfect world, I'd like his schedule to be 2 weeks alternating between home/work but it's 3 weeks and so I deal:) Usually we lounge and laze the first 2 weeks and then the last week we scramble to clean lol
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Maybe if it had been before we had a baby but now definitely no.
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We did 2 years of long distance while we were dating and that was enough!
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@looch: to answer your question if s/he were the only child and they were passionate we would either commute daily.or consider moving. I would not split up my family.
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Not in a millon years. A friend of mine and her husband live a 3 hour plane ride apart. They have a 4 yo and one on the way. I think it's really hard in her. She's essentially a single mom most of the time.
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Reading all the responses is really interesting. Once we have kids living apart will probably not be something we would consider either. We were LD prior to marriage and the first year and a half. LD wasn't bad for me, DH disliked it way more than me. I know DH would love to work in NYC and would hate for him to pass up the opportunity just because I didn't find a job there. If he were in NYC we would be a 3 hour flight apart.
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it would depend on so many factors. time apart. definite end date. distance apart - ability to visit reasonably often. etc etc. benefits versus costs. i don't think i could agree to more than 1-2 years. and i would hate it, but if it was worth it for years to come, then i think we would at least consider it.
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We are long-distance 10 weeks out of the year. It sucks, and will probably be worse once LO gets here, but we deal. Once he gets to project manager, he won't have to travel as extensively.
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It just isn't for me, so no.
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Nope. My parents did it and it sucked for all of us. I don't want the same for my son.
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Nope, having us both in the home daily is something that is a necessity for me & our family.. especially with G already having a history of not having one parent in the home. Just not something I'd ever consider.
As for if it was for our child.... we would all move together, or at most have a short term period separate while selling our current home/tie up loose ends
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DH used to work out of town M-F for a year and that was a pain. It was before we had a LO too. Maybe if it was for a short time I would. Other than that no.
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I might consider it. The benefits would have to be pretty tremendous however.
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Nope. Right after we got engaged DH had to go on a three week business trip it was terrible! We miss each other too much!
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I would not unless it was a limited time thing, like a 2 month assignment or something. I have been in several long distance relationships (involving different continents) and I found it to be hellish. When DH and I first met (he's foreign), I knew I would not allow us to enter long distance relationship territory if it had to come to that. One of us would have had to make the move to be with the other.
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Nope! Either we go as a whole family or no one goes. DH feels the same way, even more so. I don't think any amount of money would be enough to have him be away from DD for months at a time.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: my parents did this for over 10 years. My Dad worked for a company that was based in New Jersey (we lived in Maryland). At some point, he didn't want to travel anymore and a managerial position came open at his company. He and mom discussed it and they didn't want to move us when we were in middle and high school (and mom didn't want to live in NJ) so, Dad would drive up to NJ on Monday morning and come home by dinnertime on Friday. He would work extra hours throughout the week to make it work so he could travel Monday and Friday.
He rented a house with a business associate who was doing the same thing for a few years. Then he found a house where he essentially rented a room from a woman who needed some extra income. She made him dinners at night, he was happy.
I think the hardest thing about doing something about this is:
1. Missing out on day to day activities with your family (like family dinners)
2. Worrying about the other person being unfaithful.
3. Feeling like you're not really a part of the family.I know mom struggled with it because she ended up having to be the disciplinarian. Dad was the fun guy who showed up on weekends. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad so much and am so, so grateful for what he did and sacrificed to give us a great life but it was weird.
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I guess I just see things as not being so black and white. There are so many situations that come to mind with having to make a family live apart, I could go on and on. I have also seen situations where the economy falls apart, let's say it's in Ohio, and one parent can't find work there, but they also can't sell their house and move. The kids are in high school and want to finish out the year, so the parent finds another job and does a weekly commute between Ohio and the new state. What if your elderly parent suddenly becomes ill and you have to take care of their estate? It isn't always for financial gain, that's all I am saying.
I don't think it's so easy to just pick up and move, if you're licensed by the state, you need to consider that in your moves as well.
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@looch: one situation that comes to mind is when one parent moves with an ill child to seek the best medical care while the other parent stays behind in the home state.
@mediagirl: when DH and I were LD people would ask if I trusted him. I thought that was such a nosesy question, but wether your SO is right up under nose or far apart a cheater will cheat.
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No. But then again, I don't care about my job very much. I'm very much a "work to live" person not a "live to work" person so the whole purpose of my working is to have money to enjoy the rest of my life with my husband. There's nothing a job could offer me that would be better than seeing him every day.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: it's very true and people will always question this of your situation because they don't know you and your so like you do. I personally feel like it takes a very strong relationship to make something like this work. I always knew my parents had one and know my husband and I could make it work if we had to, as well. Even though it would suck balls.
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@looch, I know a lot of families who worked for Ford/Chrysler that had to do that when the plant shut down. They couldn't sell their house in 2009 when the market was slumping (without losing their retirement basically), kids were in high school, and dad needed to work 5 more years in order to collect a pension (you know, that thing that a vast majority of us will never see), so they made it work. Not for being rich, but for survival. But....that's also a reason why we're a two-career family.
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For the right opportunity we could do a travel/apart during the work week schedule, but not permanently live in two different locations. And this is all considering we have my parents' help with child care.
Elsewise, no way. I think the longest we've ever been apart since we got engaged/moved in together is five days?
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No. This is a dealbreaker for us. We started out long distance and will never be long distance, especially now as a family with children. We both chose careers that don't involve travel because one of my #1 requirements for our family is that we eat dinner together every single night. Of course there is the random thing that makes this impossible every now and then, but only a few times a year. We're not willing to put anything, not even a huge sum of money, over that priority of ours to stay together as a family on a day-to-day basis. That's just our priority. We don't travel or do exciting things... we are just together all the time. Dull for most people, I think
but it's what's comfortable for us.If one of us HAD to relocate, we would relocate the entire family. @looch: if this were the case for one of our kids, again, we'd probably either relocate the entire family if the need were great enough or, if they were old enough, would consider having them board at the school.
This is one of the reasons we live where we do, even though it's expensive. Almost everything you could possibly think of is within an hour drive. I would prefer to never uproot the kids from their friends/school/etc. so it's a great thing that we live near a relatively large city.
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We did this while we were dating, and it was HARD. I can't imagine it with a child.
That being said, you do what you gotta do. If such a situation would come up, we'd deal. But I think it would be extra difficult, because we live far from family as it is. I think it would be all the more difficult without a support system to help, especially with a LO.
And, it would have to be something really pressing/a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do it for any length of time. Right now, we are a one car family, so some big changes would have to be made to even consider such a thing! But then again, to do it would be a big change, so who knows.
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I would consider it, but I don't think my husband would be down with it.
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@mrs. wagon: I think that makes perfect sense! I think the thing that makes it more difficult for me is that my inlaws are on a different continent. So, for us, we don't have the luxury of having everyone close together. We're also in a major metropolitan area, but stuff STILL could happen, I guess I am just a pessimist.
but it's what's comfortable for us.
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