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Wwyd: a friends baby not gaining weight

  1. babybysurprise

    cherry / 107 posts

    Call cps, let them decided if there is a issue. Your mind is not going to be able to rest until you call.

  2. Mrs. Tiger

    blogger / pomegranate / 3044 posts

    If you're unwilling to call cps, I wonder if calling an ambulance (when she's wheezing, etc) would ultimately lead to her getting checked out?

  3. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    I don't think the anonymity thing is gonna help because even if it's anonymous the mom is gonna know it was OP most likely. Perhaps equally effective is to threaten (in a nicest way possible) to call CPS? Especially if it can be like group force by the rest of the family? Or have grandma mention that she may want to see a doctor because she overheard you wanting to call CPS? Like perhaps the threat of it will force her to go to a real doctor even if she hates you forever?

  4. buttermilk

    nectarine / 2086 posts

    I agree. Although I understand it's a sensitive issue, I would definitely call CPS. There are enough family members concerned about this baby that it would be hard to suspect one person of being the one who made the call. But ultimately the baby's health comes absolutely first and that's really all that matters at the end of the day. I can't believe the mother is an early ed teacher and letting this go on. Makes me wonder if she is dealing with some postpartum issues? This baby needs intervention and I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting back and letting this unfold when the mother is clearly neglecting her child's health.

  5. Maysprout

    grapefruit / 4800 posts

    Who told you baby's weight? Mom or grandmom? I've heard lots of relatives exaggerate and gossip over the holidays. Mom says baby goes to a dr. - what makes you not believe her. Where's dad in all this?

    No one else saw baby so you need to figure out if you really believe that mom and dad are lying about the Drs and would not seek attention for a sick baby or is the grandmom being gossipy because baby has a cold.

  6. Annette

    cherry / 203 posts

    Honestly, where is the father in all of this? I'm shocked that the mother is being vilified and judged here but the father hasn't been mentioned at all. Parents should be making medical decisions together so someone needs to have a frank discussion with them both about this situation.

    I'm not against calling CPS if you believe it is truly neglect based on what you have seen but I would be very cautious about hearsay from other family members. I had an EBF reflux baby who dropped from 50th percentile to the 5th percentile because he was throwing up literally 25 times a day. He also had a cough and cried all the time because he was hungry and in pain. We did visit the doctor but unfortunately there is really nothing they can do with a reflux baby to help them gain weight until they grow out of it or fall off the growth chart and are declared a failure to thrive and have more serious medical interventions ( a feeding tube, etc) I also didn't find that our pediatrician was as concerned as I was about it and i really had to push for medicine and ask for followup appointments. We did seek alternative medicine including a chiropractor, osteopath and a naturopathic doctor and found that they were very helpful, so don't completely discount them as support/guidance for the parents as well.

    Honeslty, it was incredibly stressful and really it was the last thing I wanted to talk about with friends and relatives since I was so upset about it and it literally consumed my life. Again not saying you shouldn't get involved but really seriously think about the situation of fact vs perception that is going on here.

    Hoping this little baby gets better soon.

  7. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @Annette: Did you read all of OP's responses? She has seen the baby first hand and said she is extremely skinny and has witnessed all of the concerns firsthand. It's not just hearsay. She spent several days with the mom and baby in question over the holiday.
    She also said that the mom admitted she just decided to skip the follow up appointment with the Doctor. She has a history of mistrusting medical professionals and not adhering to their advice.

    ETA: the concern is that she's not doing everything she can and advocating for her child. The OPPOSITE of what you did! It sounds like you did what all of the people on this thread are saying she should do. She should be going to doctors, expressing concern, trying to get her on medication, etc. She's doing none of that. She is self diagnosing allergies instead.
    I get your point that maybe she's upset and doesn't want to talk about it. But if someone came to you with concern like the OP did, you wouldn't then name everything you've done for that child in terms of medical care and advocation?

  8. Annette

    cherry / 203 posts

    @sweetiepie I did read the posts and I realize she saw the baby however just because the baby is skinny and has a wheeze doesnt warrant a call to CPS on its own, and she did say in a later post that the mother was seeing a doctor but she wasn't sure what kind. My interpretation of the information provided is that alot of it came from grandma and other family members (i.e. baby's 1 lb weight gain, doctor saying baby is failing). I FULLY support calling CPS if she believes the baby is being neglected by the parents. My point was that she should be sure that the information from family is not being exaggerated and is accurate before doing it because calling CPS can't be undone.

    Re: would I have opened up to a family member who i see once a year asking questons about my baby's health? I honestly don't know. I feel like that time of my life was the most stressful thing I have ever dealt with and it got to the point where I became so upset even talking about it that I avoided alot of people because of it.

    I fully agree with everyone's comments that baby's health comes first and someone needs to advocate for her. Whether it's mama, dad, grandma or the OP of this thread.

  9. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    So I just had my babies 3 month weight check appt and they both gained about 2 lbs since last month. I thought it was a good amount of weight gain. My pediatrician said it was still on the low side and has instructed us to increase the formula so they get more calories.

    So with that said, if my Dr is concerned that 2 lbs of weight gain over a month is not good enough then this situation where the baby has only gain a pound over 3 months is probably very concerning.

    So I change my view and really think you should report this mother. If it's nothing, fine. If it is something, you'll feel better for helping the child.

  10. MRSJX3

    cherry / 245 posts

    It sounds to me like the mom has some severe post partum depression going on and is in complete denial about life. Please call CPS. I know it's hard. If you don't want to do it, I'll do it for you.

  11. HabesBabe

    grapefruit / 4400 posts

    @MRSJX3: I know you're trying to be helpful, but please don't waste anyone's (including your own) time calling CPS in this situation.


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