So I have a bit of an awkward question. Dh's best friend is getting married in a couple weeks, and the wedding just happens to be the day after dh's 35th birthday--kind of a big one! The wedding is going to be really small, like less than 50 people, and they just got engaged (like, 7 weeks between engagement and wedding). Since it's small, they aren't having a bridal party, but dh was asked to plan the bachelor party so he's sort of the best man but not officially. Of the very few people invited to the wedding are 3 of dh's (and the groom's) other best friends who will be coming from out of town (+2 of their wives). Apparently on dh's actual birthday (friday before the saturday wedding), there's a small thing for the out-of-towners, so all of those friends but not us.

Would it be awkward or stepping on the bride and groom's toes if I plan a small brunch for dh's birthday the day after the wedding and invite those 5 out of towners? it doesn't seem like there's a wedding-related brunch or anything after (though if there was we'd cancel our plans).

on one hand, we're adults and birthdays are kind of whatever at this point imo, and yay dh gets to see his close friends anyway on his bday who he wouldn't normally get to see (some of these friends actually came in from out of town for dh's 30th, when I planned a legit surprise party).

on the other, it seems sort of like a shame to have these friends in town on his birthday and not do something...

And then on the third hand, we could just go with the flow and assume we'll get together more informally during the wedding weekend, but it's complicated by us being the only ones with kids (including a 6 month old who is ebf and a toddler with both a ballet class and birthday party on that saturday...) and that we live about 45min-1hr away from the wedding venue/hotel area where I assume the guests will be staying...

Trying to be both a good friend and a good wife at the same time! Wwyd?