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@Ajsmommy: Same!

I'd do the same, and just ask someone in the wedding to fill you in on anything that you should know for the big day.

Both are local it sounds like, right? I agree I would go to recital Saturday, wedding Sunday. There’s probably a dress rehearsal too for the recital that she can attend. It’s not her first recital is it? I think they will all get over it between now and then (except the friend if she skips the entire wedding for a recital, that might be hard for the friend to get over. )

One more vote for recital Saturday, wedding Sunday. I'm assuming it's the same performance both days. The only way I'd do it differently is if DD has a "lead" or larger role on Sunday...then it's trickier, so hopefully that's not the case.

Is your friend positive that the timing will be in conflict? Seems like there's potential for her to see her daughter dance, then jet out of there for the rehearsal dinner, if the bride-to-be-friend is really making a big stink. Depending on your friend's standing at the dance studio (are they long time, loyal students, or new to this), how involved the daughter is (lots of numbers or just one), and how friendly she is with the studio owner, I suppose she could mention how helpful it would be if DD's class could dance before intermission - but as a dance mom myself, I know that's really sticky territory and would have to be brought up naturally/just the right way....but something to keep in mind. It may actually work itself out anyway that the timings don't fully overlap. The flip side of that coin is, if the bride desperately wants the friend at the rehearsal, could she try to work the timing around the recital timing (i.e., bump it one direction or another by an hour) if it made a difference?

Personally, I'd skip the recital. A close friend's wedding is a once in a lifetime event, whereas your child will have a lot of these types of events. As long as there's someone there to support her, I'd go to the wedding. I have absolutely amazing parents but I am positive they had to miss stuff like this on occasion for other obligations (or because they had 3 other kids obligations to juggle!). Just be upfront ahead of time and promise to watch the video or something together afterwards as a special treat.

Agreed with others. Definitely attend the wedding and I’d even probably skip the recital for the rehearsal too if it was a really close friend. If I missed both I’d ask someone to record it or buy a video of it (most places do that right?) and make a special night of sitting down with DD to watch the tape together. Maybe with popcorn or ice cream or something special.

I would definitely say she needs to be at the wedding 100%. If that means missing one of the recital days, thats okay.

I have a 10yo DD and emotions are big and expectations are high. But really, she gets upset about something or thinks she'll be upset about something and then it blows over and is totally forgotten.

Maybe she can ask her daughter if she would prefer the do "another" recital where she gets to wear her costume and make up and do her dances for Mommy or have her pick that mommy will be there but have to leave right after she dances to go to the wedding? If she picks the latter, just act like she was there!