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I think that saying is misleading and puts too much pressure on women. It implies that "all" is the same for every woman when it is definitely not. For me, my family is my first and biggest priority, so if I make sacrifices in my career for my family then I guess I wouldn't be "having it all" by the technical definition, but that's not really how I feel.

I do think you can have all that is important to you. I try not to sacrifice in my career or with my girls... but I do leave the girls with their nanny every day. I'm totally ok with that and don't feel that's a sacrifice although others might.

My house isn't spotless and we don't do as many playdates as I'd like, but career and the girls are both doing well!

@looch: Well stated!

I think it depends on your priorities. I think there are some parents (on here even) who do both well and have a balance in their lives.

I don't handle it well in my own life, I've tried! When I try to parent and work full time, I do both badly. However, while I like work, it isn't one of my big loves. I find that 15 hours a week gives me fulfillment at work, allows me to keep the house functioning, and spend most of my days having fun with my boy. Money is tight, but it works best for us and keeps me happy.

One of my mentors when I was a zookeeper brought home $7 per pay period after daycare for her two girls, but her job was a passion, not work. Her girls are her passion too, and her breaks are to go running. I don't know how she does it, but she and her husband seem happy too. Not for me, but she makes it work for her and her family.

Like my homegirl Oprah says - You can have it all, just not at the same time.

I have definitely realized that for my own personal situation (DH works offshore and is gone half the time so I solo parent for 3 weeks at a time) that I cant have a high powered fancy job with so much responsibility and PRESSURE. I cant handle it all. So when I look for my next job after we move to a different state in June, it's going to be something with much less responsibility. As long as it pays reasonably well, that's ok if I'm doing something that is lower pressure, lower pay...

I agree... even if you do have a great job and do a great job at being a parent...I think you'd be so tired you wouldn't enjoy the success in the same way as if you didn't spread yourself thin. (yous are generic...)

@Mrs. Jacks: I guess different people can respond differently. I just wouldn't feel as engaged in either activity the same as if I was focuse on one and the tiredness would weigh into that. But of course that doesn't mean that I won't work or I won't try, and it definitely doesn't mean one can't enjoy life while both parenting and working!

@googly-eyes: Quite right! For me, I don't feel fully engaged in anything until I'm really stretching and pushing myself. I have this sweet spot "zone" that if I get into it, I can be highly efficient in everything I do. The trick is finding that place and not surpassing it!

@Mrs. Jacks: @looch: i agree with your sentiments!

Do people ask this question of our husbands? No! Let go of the guilt

@Freckles: "maybe when LO stops crying when I come to pick her up from daycare." ---> FWIW, I'm X's primary caregiver, spending 61 wake-time hours with him each week (if I did the math right). And yet, when he's around his grandmas or aunties, I'm chopped liver-- X has zero interest in me. Even calls them "mama." And when it's time to go home (when I pick him up, or if I've been there all along and say it's time to go bye-bye), he cries. I feel bad for taking him from his grandmas and aunties because he loves spending time with them and doesn't want me to end it. So, that could happen whether you're a SAHM with LO or not.

@blackbird: This is a frequent topic of conversation between me and most dads I know... so I hear it as a question all the time!

@Freckles: I worked for a couple months after having LO and I totally felt like I sucked at everything during that time I wasn't the awesome employee I used to be b/c I was so frickin' tired all the time and worried about LO. I felt like a crappy mom b/c I was so tired when I got home that all I wanted to do was lie on the couch. That's when she was really young (like 4 months old) so I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if she was older. So to answer your question - no, I don't think *I* could have had it all.

Oh and I totally know what you mean about LO crying b/c she realizes you've been gone. Mine does this, too. This morning she had a grand old time w/DH while I slept in a little, but as soon as she saw me all hell broke loose and she was a weepy, sobbing mess.

I'm going to agree with you on this. Both DH and I feel as if we're giving only a percentage of ourselves no matter where we are. We're spreading ourselves very thin, and we always have something else in the back of our minds. I want to be with LO all the time, but when I am, I have a nagging feeling about something at work that needs to get done. I'm happiest with LO, but I could never be a SAHM. When I'm at work, I just want to be home with him. So I feel like I'm always being pulled in a bunch of different directions.

DH and I have this conversation all the time, and he feels the same way. So I don't necessarily think it's always society pressuring women...I just think it's natural when any parent has some sort of guilt whether you're male or female.

I agree we each define what 'it all' is. Even so I think women and moms in general put so much pressure on ourselves. Or maybe I just do it to myself. I definitely don't succeed to the standard in my head... but to others I may look like wonder woman. Who knows.

The only reason I do get some me time is because I get up at 4:45 am and pump before heading the the gym at 5:30 am. What I sacrifice is the everyday life stuff I probably should be doing instead of crashing right after my kids crash in the evenings! But eh - who really cares about balancing the check book and cleaning the toilets or watching TV.

I look at life in phases.. and with an almost 3 year old and 9 month old I'm in a phase where my family gets more time and my job gets less. My 'baby' needs me the most right now. Does my job suffer. Hell yeah. But I'll make up for it as she gets older and I'm able to put in more effort there.

Does my relationship with my hubby suffer. Suffer may not be the right word - but we're both pretty tired these days and don't do as much as we'd like to together. We don't go above and beyond - but again - as they get older we'll be able to make more time for just us, maybe I'll be able to stay awake so we can hang out! ha And really - I LOVE the time we have right now with all of us, even when it's crazy and we're juggling dinner and bath and bedtime. Even if we are lacking sleep - or waking up with a 2 year old between us!

The bottom line is really that we should support our friends in the choices they make that are best for their families and stop being so damn judgmental! What's right for you is not what's right for everyone! We need to stop being judgmental of ourselves too!