Who is in your village? Family? Friends? Hired help? Who do you lean on when you and your SO need help?
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No one really.
All my close friends here have kids of their own and babies. In a pinch I could get someone to help me out for a bit but I never ask.
My mom would be here in three hours if we really needed her. But again, we don't ask. Case in point: we have to go 2.5 hours away for a doc appt and ultrasound on Tuesday and he is coming with us.
ETA: I'm a stay at home mom and DH works a lot with a totally inflexible schedule for right now. We are looking to hire an occasional baby sitter for when I have OB appts, etc. But super small town is hard to find anyone.
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We are lucky to have an amazing village. Our nanny amazing and incredibly flexible/accommodating (she's older, single, kids are grown, etc.). Also, both of our parents are nearby - in laws are 30 minutes away, my parents are 10. The grandparents would help/babysit in a heartbeat, though we don't ask too often.
Between them, haven't had to ask anyone else for help, but if we needed, we also have extended family nearby (my brother, DH's aunt and uncle, DH cousin) as well as friends we would trust if we needed someone in an emergency and couldn't locate any of the above.
I'll be honest, sometimes I complain that having our parents nearby is a drag as it often feels like too many cooks in the kitchen, but at the end of the day, I know our girls are lucky to have people who cherish them so deeply and DH and I are lucky to have such strong support.
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We have nobody
Our parents live thousands of miles away, many of our friends too. Of our closest local friends, 3 couple have recently moved away, and those who remain have twins, so hardly able to help us out (though I know I could call them in an emergency).
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DH's family is extremely close by so that's been a huge help for us. We don't use it often but when daycare was closed over Christmas break and we both had to work MIL was there to help out.
All my "work family" and friends don't have kids yet but a baby obsessed so they've always been there if we needed them.
My parents and siblings are 7+ hours away.
I am extremely greatful for all we have here. We will be moving to who knows where eventually and it's going to suck to rebuild and not be close to half our family.
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We had a village in the last two cities we have lived in, but have no one here (outside of one family). It's hard without that kind of help, but we manage.....
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We have no family here. But I found an amazing moms group when my older lo was 4 months old. It was comprised 80% of women who moved here for their husbands jobs and we all had babies about the same age. Regardless of that, we all help each other out, in those times you need a village. Emergencies, doctors visits, date nights. Honestly, it's what got me through my older lo's first year.
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We really don't have a village. More like one or two part time villagers. Family is a 7+ hour drive away (every single last one of them). Friends in our local community have babies of their own. I have one coworker friend who has helped out in a pinch which I am so thankful for. I just found a sitter (who is expensive) who has some flexible hours but needs notice. I have my one day a week sitter when I'm at work but she works ft for another family.
Complicating matters further, DH is currently working out of the country for an undetermined amount of time. -
My parents and my sister.
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Our immediate family! My parents are just under an hour away and my in laws are @2 hours. Both grandmas watch DS weekly and everyone, siblings included, have stepped up to help out with my modified bedrest. I'm so so grateful for all the (free) help!
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My in-laws live close to us, so they will occasionally babysit, which is nice. And they will help us out in emergency situations. I have a lot of mom friends, but I don't ask them for help, since they have small kids of their own. But I love having them for emotional support, and we get together for regular playdates.
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No village!
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We have a group of 5 families from day care that act as a big village. This weekend we organized a babysitting swap so each couple got to go out for a vday date without having to find/pay for a sitter. I wouldn't hesitate to ask any of them to take my kids for an emergency or just a break, and I'm thrilled to be able to do the same for them. We are lucky to have such awesome friends since our family is far away.
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Definitely my dad and my MIL. To a lesser degree, my brother, SIL and her husband, and FIL. In a pinch, I could probably call on any of my 5 aunts or a large number of first and second cousins. We have a lot of family nearby and I am grateful for that.
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No village here. If I was really in a crunch, I would reach out to close friends, but I haven't needed to do that yet.
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Its just my inlaws, but they give us a lot of support so we are very lucky. My mum lives 5 mins drive away but she has declined to be part of our village. It can be hard because my inlaws have E three days per week, so we cant ask them to help at the weekends unless its an emergency. So, like, right now - we've got loads of work to do on our new house but everything is taking three times as long because someone always needs to be looking after E and someone needs to be doing household chores in the limited time we have when we are not at work.
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@Greentea: us too.
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3 close friends (who also have kids), my parents, my sister, my Bible study
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Daycare. Our back up sitter. Two friends nearby who are like uncles to our son. We do have a few church families we could call on in case of emergency, but haven't had to yet. I work part time (well most of the time, right now it's more full time because work is slammed), DH works from home half the week, and my job is very family friendly and everyone has kids so they understand if I have to be out. We also contracted with a local nanny agency for back up nannies if our sitter falls through but we haven't had to use them yet. DH's family live in the Midwest and my family lives at least an hour flight away.
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@Applesandbananas: my village is huge but somewhat less tight knit than I imagined it would be when we first moved here. The in laws are 2 hours away.
Religious community, baby wearing community would help in a true emergency. School community helps in general in a lot more ways than I expected, they are the biggest part of my village. And a few friends made at random, who are wonderful.
And I have my mama "birth club" group from HB when I need mental support--they rock.
I am sad to see how many parents here have no village! -
I don't think we have a village but I think we'll need to call someone to help when I to into labor with LO2. We'll see how that unfolds. I asked my friend who lives 30 min away to be on call but she has sick older parents and a LO too so I may need to call someone else.
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My parents and siblings live close by. So they are our village. Also, my grandma is still very active and helps babysit as a last resort.
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My inlaws and BIL & his GF. But we only ask for help when we *really* need it. Like the girls are sick, and when it's been months since we've had a date night.
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No village at all. I think it's why having kids has put such a huge strain on our marriage
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I don't have an extended family village in that we are in the Northeast, my family is in the Midwest and husband's family is in the UK. However, I can't say we don't have a village at all. I'm a SAHM, but we have a babysitter we trust for the occasional date night and we do have a strong network of friends. Most of those friends have small children themselves, so it's not like they babysit for me or anything, but there's A LOT to be said for emotional support. And if I needed one of those friends in a pinch they would certainly come through.
ETA: sometimes I get in a "woe is me, I don't have ANYONE" phase of feeling sorry for myself. But when I really look at it more deeply, we do have people - even if it's not the traditional style of village. Sometimes it's easy to think this way and other times it's not.
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Our families. We're really lucky in that the furthest immediate family is only about 45 minutes away. My in laws are here watching the boys today while I'm working from home. They're both retired, so that helps a ton.
I'm repairing a relationship with my mom, but my dad will be here in an instant if we needed him (45 min away) as would either of my brothers and SILs. We're all within 20 minutes of each other, all have kids, and can help each other out in a pinch, no problem. My BFF is also only about 30 minutes away, and we've helped each other in a pinch as well.
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I have an amazing village, we very blessed. Both grandparents are close and very involved who love to babysit (I can honestly say I've only hired a babysitter 1 time in 3 1/2 years), my siblings are close so we get together frequently, and I have a very strong support system of friends who are also parents, where I can bounce stuff off of/ect.
And we have a trusted in home daycare provider who I trust like family. -
We really don't have one. Our parents all live 2.5 hours away, which wouldn't be too bad. but they all still work. None of them can just come down without a lot of planning. One of DH's step siblings lives 30 minutes from us with her husband and son but they are not the most reliable. We were planning on moving back to our home state so to be honest I wasn't trying that hard to build our village. We've now decided to stay here though so I know I need to make more of an effort to find our people. It will benefit all of us but it's hard to build a village from scratch.
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We are so blessed to have a huge village. Both my parents and DH's parents. I have a brother and sister who are local but are in college full time. DH's sister has 4 LO's of her own but would always be willing to help if needed. I also have 5 other friends that all have LO's J's age but are great and would help out as well! Plus a few other couples from our church!
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I don't consider one's village to be the group of people they ask for help from, or the people who babysit or bail them out in a pinch or whatnot.
To me, my village are the people in my life who support me no matter what, can relate to what I'm going through, encourage me and offer a listening ear, bring coffee on a rough morning, come over (or I go to them) just to be together and help the day go faster. The people who love my kids and know them and want what's best for them.
I only have 2 people in my life who really babysit or "help" with the kids, but I consider my village much larger than just those 2 people.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: that's true that those things are crucial as well, but I was kind of posing the question as people to help with kiddos and stuff
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@Applesandbananas: Yes i read it the way you do! Venting to a friend is much harder if I don't have a village who can watch my kid while said venting takes place
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@Applesandbananas: I totally see what you meant. So I guess when it really comes down to people who I can call for help when we need it (like when DD was admitted to hospital and we needed someone to watch the younger girls), it's my mom and sister.
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My mom is my #1 villager, lol! Def my family, then DH's family, and we def have friends around too for emergencies.
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