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@Pirouette: @MrsSCB: I'm also angry about this country's non-leave policies. Much of my leave will also be unpaid, and I'm trying to stay out until after the new year. Really doesn't make sense to start in Dec. when I'd have to pay a full month of care, but daycare is closed so many days at the end of the month.
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@pregnantbee: Yes, thats my theory too. I have about 12 weeks PTO saved up (no STD, just FMLA coverage). I want to take off more like 15 weeks though to get through the new year.
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@pregnantbee: if we were using daycare, i'd definitely do the same! but we have to pay my MIL whether she watches 0, 1 or 2 kids! It's all very up in the air for me because besides not knowing where i'll be working, I don't know what I'll be making, AND my husband just got promoted and doesn't know what his new salary is yet. so we really just don't know what our financial picture looks like yet. (did i mention i'm a planner?!)
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@Pirouette: Oy. That would definitely make me anxious. I'm also a planner, especially for stuff like this. I'm betting it really will fall into place, and you still have time. xo
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@Pirouette: I forgot all about your job switching! That must be so frustrating that it's still up in the air. Hopefully it'll fall into place soon! @pregnantbee: I definitely have a bit of a waddle starting!
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@OldpuebloJenn: I am trying not to focus too much on weight. But I gained a lot with my first, and I just really don't want to go through that again. This is a different pregnancy (with already fewer complications!), but, still, I can't help being a little preoccupied with it!
@pregnantbee: I didn't do much during the first tri, that's for sure. But I have been pretty consistent during the second tri, so, I hope there is some reward for that . . . like maybe possibly a smoother delivery than with my first, or gaining less weight, or, I dunno, an ice cream sundae?!
@Pirouette: Gah - that's so stressful! I'm sure it will all work itself out, but not before you spend too much time worrying and trying to plan for the unknown.
@Pirouette: @MrsSCB: @pregnantbee: I am taking 12 weeks, 6 of which is paid. It is an awkward time of the year to come back, but, at least it will be slow and I will be able to ease back into things. I would love to have the option to take 16 weeks (even if the extra 4 was also unpaid) . . . I didn't feel ready last time at 12 weeks. And YES, the maternity leave (or the lack thereof) situation is appalling.
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@pwnstar: It's awesome you are still working out! Good for you! I've been doing daily 30 minute walks on some hills. And I think I'm going to start going back to spin classes - riding at a lesser pace, of course - maybe two or three times a week. And yes.. weight gain. Mine's creeping up. Do you think you are gaining more than you should be?
@MrsSCB: I'm so sorry you are stressing out of leave/ purchases/ bills. Will you be having a baby shower? Hopefully you will be gifted some of the gear. And yes, its a bummer about going out on leave and reduced or zero pay. At the very least, your work will pay some salary for 6 weeks. Too bad its not the 90 they quoted you. Was that 90 day quoted in writing? Seems like you could still negotiate for 90 days if you told them you relied on that representation to your detriment (i.e., didn't plan properly because of the false reassurance they gave you).
@T.H.O.U.: I would like to somehow continue my leave through December, also. I haven't even talked to my work, yet, about maternity leave. But I'm hoping to at least use December as a transitional period where i will work as needed from home and maybe come to the office once or twice a week. It's so nice that you have a job where you can store up PTO.
@Pirouette: It is interesting how most states doesn't offer paid leave. In CA, I pay into social security disability benefits and have been doing so ever since I've been working. Its just a mandatory thing that the state takes out of my paycheck. Now, the state will pay something like 60% of my salary up to a certain amount. I'm totally fine taking that benefit because I've clearly paid so much more into the fund than what I will actually ever use. So I don't understand why other states don't offer the same. States usually are fine with taxing people for whatever. And why can't we get this particular benefit from all of the state taxes we have already paid into? And bummer you have to have your MIL, but at least she can watch them. And hopefully with your husband's job, you can at least plan that his salary will increase with his promotion!
That's always a good thing! @OldpuebloJenn: I am having the exact same weight situation as you are! Except, this is my first baby.
ETA: I had the fetal echocardiogram this morning. Baby looked great and I was told extra things like no club feet, no cleft lip/palate, and other sorts of things I hadn't even thought to worry about. Baby weighs approximately 1.3 pounds. It was overall such a nice experience and I didn't even care that the ultrasound took 1.5 hours with a short break for me to walk around to get baby to switch positions.
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@agold: Not really too much wiggle room, unfortunately, because this is coming from short term disability, so it's up to the insurance company (not my company). I talked to HR in February and we got a new STD policy this year. My guess is they just didn't understand all the details at that time, but instead of telling me to call the insurance company to ask, they just acted like they did know and told me the wrong thing. All the paperwork from the insurance company (MetLife) says they cover "up to 12 weeks" but it seems that for pregnancy specifically, they've just decided you don't need 12 weeks, you only need six, or eight for a c-section. I'm going to ask about working from home the last few weeks and hope that my bosses are ok with that. My coworker did that last year (though with a different boss) so I'm hoping that works in my favor.
I don't think we'll be having a baby shower. Makes me feel kind of lame
but I don't know many people in this area still and I just don't have the energy - or the time off! - to make a trip home for one.ETA: so glad the appointment went well! Over a pound, that is so exciting!
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@MrsSCB: Too bad the person who told you the wrong info didn't work for the company who provides the benefits. I am really hoping you can work from home during the time you want. If someone else at work already did it, regardless of which boss she did it through, you should have a great chance of getting that accommodation for yourself. Fingers crossed for you!
Cross your fingers for me that my boss even lets me take any time off at all! Its going to be tough for me. And hey... do you perceive the baby getting over 1 pound to be a good milestone??? I didn't know it was something to be excited over but I am always looking for things to be excited about!
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@agold: Thanks, I hope things work out well for you with work, too! We don't really need the added stress of worrying about this stuff, but that's just how the system works I guess (for now...
) And I think it's exciting! Just so crazy to think back to when they were the size of blueberries, and now over a pound. Amazing!
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@MrsSCB: Yes, I suppose in that sense it is really exciting! I was reading somewhere that after 23 weeks up to another certain amount of weeks, our babies have an extra 3% chance to survive early birth each and every day we stay pregnant with them. That gets me so excited each morning I wake up thinking that baby girl has another 3% increased survival rate!
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@agold: Based on my eating and activity level? Yes, absolutely, I think I have gained more than I *should*. My OB isn't concerned in the slightest. She even told me that some women, despite their best efforts, just gain more than they *should* (based on their food/activity), and that really, there is nothing that can be done about it. And while I wholeheartedly agree, sometimes I still struggle with the lack of control, and, on my bad days, it gives me more anxiety than I should let it.
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Had my 24 week appointment yesterday and things are on track, baby's heart sounded good, etc. Doctor recommended taking OTC Zantac for my awful heartburn/reflux but I haven't tried it yet. @T.H.O.U.: I tried doing a shot of apple cider vinegar the other night when I had a bad bout of heartburn and boy did that make it worse! I am a freak who actually loves vinegar, but the heartburn/reflux actually increased after the ACV.
Too bad it doesn't work for me.Most exciting/crazy development is that we scheduled our C-section date! We will be meeting baby boy on 8/16 unless he decides to make an earlier entrance. I will be 39 w 4d. If I go into labor earlier than that I will see what happens and may just try for a VBAC, but I am perfectly happy to have another C-section.
I discussed doing a "gentle" or "family-centered" C-section with my doctor yesterday and she said the hospital has already moved toward doing that (with non-emergency Cs), only dependent on nurse staffing (a nurse has to be with you constantly to watch the baby in order for you to do skin-to-skin/try nursing while they sew you up - no doubt for liability reasons; so if there's another emergency that calls nurses to it you might be stuck with your baby away from you for those awful 30 first minutes...) I'm so hoping for that this time.
My first was born in an emergency C-section at 37+0 when my placenta abrupted and water broke during an external cephalic version to turn her from breech. The bleeding was super scary and the whole thing was intense. And super unexpected to say the least (no one at my baby factory hospital had ever actually seen that happen during any of the thousands of ECVs they've conducted).
It will be interesting to see the contrast of a non-emergency C-section, if I make it to 8/16 without going into labor!
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@agold: Yup! I think the idea is 24/25 weeks is considered viability! So you're really close to the point that if baby HAD to come out and assuming its a normal healthy baby anyways, there is a good chance baby would survive. So crazy to think about!
Yes, I'm thankful we can store up PTO and we are protected for 6 months of leave if we want it (just protected, not paid). Its still so hard to save up leave when I've got other kids that have appointments and sick days and such! Plus I can't comp out by working overtime because I can't stay late like I used to be able to!
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@stratosphere: Oh my goodness! I never heard that you had that issue! Were you at least already at the hospital?
PS - DS's bday is the 16th! He would have an easy bday to remember 8/16/16!
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@pwnstar: I feel the exact same way that you do about all of it. The best we can do is not eat junk, since its not like we can diet. But we do need to eat sufficiently for the babies. So then, the weight gain is sort of out of our control at that point.
@stratosphere: That is so exciting to have your c-section already scheduled! Crazy to know for certain when your baby will be here. I hope you get the family-centered plan that you are hoping to have.
@T.H.O.U.: I've been considering my baby viable since 22 weeks!
And yes, its so hard to save up money and I can't imagine doing it with kids.
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@T.H.O.U.: So cool that's your DS's bday! And yes, it's a pretty cool number, I think!
Yes, for my ECV-turned-emergency-C-section at least I was already at the hospital! The ECV was performed on the first floor, and then when I felt an enormous gush during the procedure we pulled down my pants (which were black maternity jeans) and there was blood everywhere. I got wheeled to triage (which was on the same floor) where they assessed my bleeding, continued to monitor baby, and checked to confirm that my water had indeed broken as well. I then got wheeled up to a labor/delivery room on the third floor--the one right next to the OR. I could have walked but every time I moved or sat up more blood gushed out. It was crazy.
The ECV actually worked and baby was head down so I tried to hold off a c-section by laboring for a little while, but her head wasn't anywhere near my cervix to encourage full dilation (I think I was 4 cm right before we made the call to proceed with C-section), my contractions were sporadic and probably caused by the irritation from the blood more than anything, the bleeding picked up and an ultrasound showed that things were getting dicier in there by the minute, so we proceeded to do a c-section before things got bad for the baby (the blood loss was all mine at that point, but at some point as the placenta abruption progresses, baby loses blood supply which is NO BUENO and you're just racing against that--plus a fully abrupted placenta can cause the mom to bleed out in short order, too; mine was only partially abrupted at that point, thank goodness, but they can progress quickly and unpredictably).
I had wanted SO badly to have a med-free birth, and especially to avoid a C-section (I am a wimp and didn't think I could handle major surgery and then parent a baby afterward!), but in the end I had a great birth experience anyway. My doctor was awesome throughout, I felt totally engaged and empowered to make decisions with the best medical advice and information, and the C-section and recovery was not nearly as bad as I'd expected. Baby latched on as soon as she was placed on my chest (about an hour after birth) and we didn't have any problems with bonding or breastfeeding (as was one of my fears). I think I learned a lot that day - including that you can have a perfect birth that looks nothing like you had pictured/planned it.
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@stratosphere: Wow, not sure I realized you had this first birth experience either. Sounds so scary and also that it all worked out in the end. How exciting to have a potential birthday picked! Love how easy that date will be to remember! I hope you have an even better birth experience this time around.
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@agold: So, so happy everything looked good! Phew!
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@pregnantbee: @OldpuebloJenn: @pwnstar: thanks for comiserating
the whole situation has dragged on much longer than expected so it is what it is at this point! I'm just taking it all in stride, or trying to!@agold: I'm so so happy to hear all went well! And yea, I believe as of now, CA and NJ are the only states with leave policies - pathetic! NY just enacted a policy but it won't take effect for a few more years, so I won't benefit.
@stratosphere: wow, you scheduled already! So exciting! I guess I had a family centered c section. It was scheduled, and dh was in the room the whole time aside from the insertion of the epidural. Lo was immediately placed on my cheek so I could "hold her" while they stitched me up, and she stayed with me the entire time after that, and nursed as soon as I got to recovery (a few minutes later). I hope you get the experience you are hoping for!
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@Pirouette: I'm in CA, but don't pay into the state disability, so I don't get it. Wah!
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@pregnantbee: oh weird! Is it somehow optional?
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@Pirouette: Nope! We have a diff Paid Medical Leave plan.
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@pregnantbee: Oh gees. My husband has a county job and doesn't pay into it either. I actually don't know what girls that work with him do for maternity leave pay.
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I'll be happy for any thoughts on this, since it's unnecessarily stressing me out. . My mom is going to come for a week + around my due date. She lives 2000 miles away, so she'll be flying, and luckily has enough points, etc, she isn't worried about changing dates if baby comes early. But, we are trying to figure out when she should set her initial fly date. My due date is 8/16, DD first day of preschool is 8/9. I went 39w4d with my first. I'm thinking of having her come on 8/10 or 8/11.
What's the deal with second babies? Do they come early or late? -
@OldpuebloJenn: how long is she able to stay out? I would say maybe having her come as late as 8/14 assuming your husband would be around to help that weekend.
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@OldpuebloJenn: first timer here, but FWIW, my due date is also the 16th and my family is coming the 13th. They're driving so they could always adjust, but that's when their Airbnb stay begins. It's a several day drive so if he comes early they won't be here for the birth. But I'm not inviting them to the hospital anyway so no big deal
if your mom is staying a short time, I might have her come a few days later, but if she'll stay awhile it matters less. Also, is it really important to you that she be there for the birth? In that case the earlier date might make sense.
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@MrsSCB: it would be great if she were here for the birth, only because I have built in child care for my DD, otherwise we rely on friends, and my in-laws (which isn't a great prospect for me). But missing the birth isn't a deal breaker..
@T.H.O.U.: my husband will be around, but it'll be nice to have my mom help with any last minute stuff, like she'll clean my house, including bathrooms, which is not my husband's forte!
Thanks for your thoughts!
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@OldpuebloJenn: Honestly no idea. We're in the same boat where we need care for DS when I go into labor, and no family is here. We didn't want anyone here for the hospital last time. Since the dr would let me go more than 2w late, I assumed the best time for flights would be about 3w after my due date. DS arrived 40w2d. So we ended up with almost 3 weeks before a visit. Clearly I'm not super helpful. I just wouldn't want people sitting around and waiting for labor to begin. We also didn't tell anyone I was in labor and only called once DS was here. See? Super helpful.
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Glucose test today! I had a milkshake last night, I hope that doesn't skew the results...
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@MrsSCB: Don't worry, in a person with normal blood sugar it would have no affect.
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@MrsSCB: Good luck! No worries about the milkshake!
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@ShootingStar: @pwnstar: ok good, thanks! I figured if it did skew the results that would be good to know anyway. Because it is not my first (or last) milkshake. I hope anyway!
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@MrsSCB: Good luck! I also don't think that milkshake will affect you. Now I want a milkshake!
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@pregnantbee: thanks! 45 more minutes of waiting. The drink wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Like flat Sprite. My husband is sitting here eating a donut 🙄
lol
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@MrsSCB: Lol re your husband. Glad the drink wasn't that bad. How long is your test?
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@pregnantbee: just an hour. A little over 15 minutes left! So excited to eat some lunch after, haha.
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@MrsSCB: You're done! Yay! I hope you pass and enjoy lunch!
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@OldpuebloJenn: your mom will clean your house AND bathrooms?!?!?
she's a saint.
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@MrsSCB: With my first, I wasn't planning on having a shower either. But DH's office surprised us with one, and I was really blown away at how thoughtful and generous everyone was. It was a semi-surprise because I hadn't resistered anywhere, so I had to create a couple of different registries in a hurry (at the organizer's request). Have you thought about where you'll register/have you registered anywhere? Even if you don't have a shower, the completion discount is nice, and it's an easy way to keep track of what you have and what you need (an easy visual list!).
That's always a good thing! 
but I don't know many people in this area still and I just don't have the energy - or the time off! - to make a trip home for one.
Cross your fingers for me that my boss even lets me take any time off at all! 
the whole situation has dragged on much longer than expected so it is what it is at this point! I'm just taking it all in stride, or trying to!
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