Hellobee Boards

Things like forgetting to put the monitor on charger when I ask - yea whatever ok, annoying.

Not changing poop diaper for 2 hours and forgetting naps are necessary? We would be having a pretty nasty conversation

@runnerd: This was going to be my comment too. I'm learning to let things that slip his mind go, but when you don't change a kid's diaper, that's not OK.

@runnerd: Exactly this. My husband has forgotten for 4 days to buy a new battery for our dog's electric fence. Is it annoying? Sure, but it's not the end of the world. But he would never leave his baby in a dirty diaper for 2 hours....

My DH is about 50% reliable.

Though, his health has always been bad so I guess I give him a pass.

He has gotten much better since we have the twins. Before the babies, I would get so frustrated with him. I give him 4 things to do before I come home from work. Maybe one might be done.

As for naps, feeding and diaper changes, he does that and usually no issues.

We are having issues at the moment because I'm stressed with everything. His health is not very good so everything is on my shoulders. So, of course, we have been fighting. Getting annoyed about him not writing anything down and him forgetting and so I have to remember to remind him again. Yes, it's nagging but if he would remember or write down the things I ask him to do, I wouldn't have to nag. So yeah, he's about 50% reliable. Most of the issues is due to his health and I know he is trying. Right now, I'm realizing that we need external help and being someone who is very independent and does everything myself and never relied on anyone, it's definitely hard on me. I do think personal counseling for myself and probably marriage counseling is in order for us. I think I'm on tremendous stress being the breadwinner, job hunting and overall trying to keep our family functioning. Oh, and worrying about his health and the twins's health.

@Mrs D: YES!!!!! to #2 and #3!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!? UGH!

@Mrs.Pinecone316: I have a horrible memory but I know I have to write everything down. My calendar on my computer and phone is mostly up-to-date. I have alerts and reminders. I make lists. DH sometimes makes fun of me because my memory sucks but I get things done... but sometimes he can't. It's frustrating sometimes.

Yeah I would be mad about the diaper and nap thing. DH has done similar things too. The rest I feel like it's just we are so used to just doing these things and they are easy and just expect if we ask they will get done. I feel like DH just half asses things a lot of the time. Like he won't put tops on cups of water for the kids so of course water gets spilled everywhere. Why is it so difficult to put a top and straw on the cup? The other day at dinner he made this big deal about getting the water for the kids and I still had to get up to get the tops and straws because he "didn't know where they are" when they are in the same exact spot they always are. Or if I'm cooking dinner or doing dishes or something and he hasn't seen the kids all day and I ask him to just play or interact with them for 5-10 minutes and he either ignores them for his phone or just lies on the floor and lets them crawl on him but otherwise ignores them. So frustrating!

For big picture things (being financially responsible, car and home maintenance, being faithful to me, etc) he is 100% reliable. For the smaller but really annoying child care type things or remembering to tell me when he's running late, ugh.

If I give explicit instructions, like she needs to have a nap at 1:30, he's pretty good at trying to get her down, but often gives up way faster than I would. But he doesn't remember on his own, ever, like oh she woke up at ten so her nap should be around one. And if I am home it's always "what should she eat?" (toddler) or "when does she need this?" But if I'm out he is pretty decent at improvising, even if he doesn't do things exactly how I would.

I know a big part of it is that I'm home with them and he works long hours, so it's just easier for him to ask me to remind him about things. But like @Mrs D: said, I need the brain break!

Now getting home at the time he says.... It's our longest running fight I cannot stand it. He will say he's leaving in 15 minutes, commute is half an hour. 45 minutes later I call the office and he picks up. This is usually during the post dinner meltdown time and I go nuts. He's trying but how hard is it to realize you got another call or whatever that will make you later, pick up your phone, and text "running late sorry"?? Five seconds???

@Foodnerd81: DEAR GOD the getting home late with no head's up. HUGE battle at our house. Don't tell me you'll be home in 20 minutes when your commute is 35 and I know you're still at the office!! I don't care how fast your fancy new car is, you're not making that timeline work. And he's all "Well what's the big deal... did you need me?? Can you not to bed time yourself?" OF COURSE I CAN.... but I need all the information. If I know you won't be home, I'll let the toddler watch the ipad while I put baby brother to sleep which means I won't let her have screen time earlier in the evening so she's not a tv zombie. Lateness is a constant issue, I swear my husband doesn't know how long a minute actually is.

@Foodnerd81: OMG the getting home late without any notice thing! We have had major battles over that where he'd call and say he's leaving in 5 minutes and over an hour later I call to see what's taking him and he's still at work. I think our worst fights ever have been over that and thankfully it has gotten through his thick skull to just let me know if he is going to be late and not to tell me he is headed home when he is not. I am sorry you are dealing with it too!

@Truth Bombs: this! Under exaggerating for the win.

Eh, overall he's great. And T is on a pretty predictable schedule. For me now that I'm done BF is been a slow transition from me as the primary parent to a co parent when he is around. He asks me questions he should know the answer to then I ask him to try answering it- he's always 'right' and needs to be better about following his instincts. Dude, she's 16 months, you got this.

I also completely agree with @Foodnerd81: that he's reliable about the important things. No one's going to die on his watch and he does a lot of things that I don't want to do (taxes, lawn care, car stuff)... Even if it's not on my timeline

@Foodnerd81: I really don't mind doing double bedtime (I always do double dinner/bath/PJ's solo so getting them to sleep alone isn't that much more work). My husband just doesn't get it because he doesn't plan for things. So on the rare occasion that I work late or go out with friends and he has the kids alone, he just goes with the flow and doesn't plan around when I'll get home so he doesn't understand why it's a big deal to me if he's home 45 minutes later than he said he would be, because it wouldn't be a big deal to him if I did the same.

For the most part, he's very involved and reliable with parenting. Our struggles are that we parent differently and he's more willing to give in to what she wants rather than what is best for her. I'm not talking about safety stuff, I'm talking about whether or not she's actually hungry or just stalling bedtime (9 times out of 10, if she says she's hungry at bedtime it's because she doesn't want to go to bed).

@Foodnerd81: Getting home late irritates me to no end. Especially if he's doing something fun like biking. He'll tell me he'll be home in 20 minutes and then wonders why I'm angrily calling him 50 minutes later just to find out that he got held up talking to some dude or had to take a massive crap. JUST LET ME KNOW ALREADY.

Yes, DH is totally reliable and at least as good at parenting as I am. I do sympathize with the whole staying at work late issue, though - I feel like DH would probably slide into that habit if it weren't for the fact that he takes a regular company shuttle bus home at the same time every day. He's not as much of a clock watcher as I am, so I guess the only thing is occasionally if I'm upstairs doing something I'll hear DD crying downstairs and him asking her why she's crying, and I'm looking at the clock like, dude, she was supposed to eat lunch half an hour ago - then sure enough two minutes later I hear him say "Oh you're hungry let's get you lunch." Not a huge deal though.

@avivoca: "calling him 50 minutes later just to find out that he got held up talking to some dude or had to take a massive crap." HAHAHAHAHAHA DO WE HAVE THE SAME HUSBAND?! (I mean, obviously not, but....I can relate. )

@MamaG: Totally what your OB said! The more I nag or show dis-satisfaction over how it's not done the "right" way the more he would just stop trying so I've totally learned to just take what he gives me and do the rest myself!

@mfa_lady: We must! Because if I do that, he gets super annoyed. Like a couple of weekends ago he kept calling me to find out if I had left my parents house yet (I was helping them move) and was upset when I hadn't (he'd been taking care of H all day). NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.