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I just try to validate and stick with whatever we were doing. For example if she wants to stay outside but we are coming inside I will pick her up, rub her back a couple times and say, "I know you like it out there, but we have to come inside now." Then I proceed to redirection (eg, giving her a toy that's used inside.) She may not understand everything I explain to her the first time, and that's ok. She has actually picked up a lot of words in the last month (& she's 14m now.) My purpose is also not just to stop the tantrums (although ones about certain situations have improved from 11m when it started to now, the inside/outside being one of them!) but to set boundaries while also validating dd's emotions and her right to have them!

ETA And to answer your thing about crying..I don't let her cry. Sometimes if she is so overcome that comforting and redirection don't work then I will attempt to comfort her, then let her cry a little and come back to her.

@Mrs. Pinata: Time outs used correctly!!

So, I was thinking about this thread as I was in the shower and I remember that at the EXACT same age I was posting in all kinds of mom boards about what to do about tantrums, so I think it's really normal!

I also wanted to add that when I say NEED, that could also be a need for love and affection, but if DS was pushing away from us, then I would assume his "need" was more about getting his way. Another thing I realized was that I needed to stay calm even though I felt like I was going to lose my mind. It kind of made him lose the "satisfaction" of seeing me fall apart and get all flustered if I talked to him and responded calmly.

@Googly-eyes - I was unsure of what you were saying, were you saying to be careful to use time outs correctly or that we used them correctly as "resets?"

We used the crib for "time out" because we knew it would be safe and would keep him contained. At that age he was very much into running around the house like crazy and there would have been no sense in having him "sit down" somewhere.

What I heard a lot from other moms when I felt like I was doing everything wrong was to just stay consistent and I think that really worked for Little P! That way he isn't surprised by how we handle things since we (try to) be consistent. I promise that as they learn the boundaries you set, the tantrums DOO get better! I thought they would never go away at that age, but we hardly get them anymore. Sorry if I just rambled on and on!

@Beehive: Oh! I had another thought! Do you do Independent Play with him during the day? That would probably REALLY help with having to be put down for a minute while you go to the bathroom, etc. I loved Mrs. Lion's recent post about this. We've been implementing it with Little P with really good results.

@Mrs. Pinata: that you did it right!

Eta (IMO obviously...)

My youngest used to do that multiple times a day. I'm not kidding you. MULTIPLE... it was crazy insane. It drove me insane at times, especially when both of my boys are at it at the same time. What worked for me was completely ignoring him unless his tantrum was becoming harmful to himself, then I would step in and comfort him, but most times I didn't have to step in. He used to throw his head back (many ouches!) so whenever I saw that he was starting to throw one, I would just help him lie on his back so he can throw his tantrum. I think within a month or so he got over it pretty quickly. He throws them still but he actually sloooowly leans back and gently puts his head on the floor and throws his tantrums now. Or he lies on his belly and kicks. I still ignore him and he gets over it within a minute. Most times within seconds. It is getting better. So I'd like to say that it does get better. My oldest didn't throw these kinds of tantrums so this was new to me!