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Ugh, that poor girl. This is why parents like your SIL need to stop trying to be friends with their children and step up and be actual parents – 14 year olds are not in any way, shape or form equipped to be handling adult situations like drugs, drinking, sex, etc. She doesn’t have a childhood to enjoy anymore….though it sounds like she wasn’t enjoying a “childhood” before now either. Sad situation for both children involved.

Is it too late for her to have an abortion where you live? Giving birth really isn't very safe physically for a 14 year old, let alone the tremendous psychological impact. Poor thing, I hope she's able to find the help she needs.

I am so sorry it sounds like a really rough situation. I would say adoption is probably the best option but if they aren't really considering that then they probably just have to start figuring out who is responsible for raising it. it sounds like they aren't exactly the best example of a functioning relationship. This will no doubt put even more stress on them.

What a Tough situation. It certainly isn't ideal but it doesn't have to be the end of the world either with love and support. I think it's pretty unfair to be calling your SIL a horrible parent. Teens will find a way to do what they want to do if they choose to regardless of what rules are or aren't in place. Most parents are doing what they think is best.

I know that this is off the OP's original topic, but you would be surprised at how many "good" girls are sexually active at that age. I worked as a substitute and had so many young girls (12/13?!) tell me about how sexually active they were. I would ask if their parents knew and they would just say "no?! My mom would kill me". Allowing your kids freedom isn't the problem. All of my friends were sexually active waaaaaay before me and I was at all the same parties hanging out with the same guys.

I wouldn't know how to react since I'm not close to my inlaws, but I would definitely try to talk to the girl's mom and help her see that teen pregnancy isn't the end. I wish the family the best.

@hellocupcake: I'm not really surprised, as I was sexually active at 14. My mom was definitely not thrilled about it, but she ensured I was in a loving, monogamous relationship and that I was both on the pill and had access to condoms. If I had gotten pregnant (which I was very conscientious about), I would have been gutted, but ultimately I knew I could go to my mom for help right away. Of course I don't know the whole situation, but I find it problematic that lil owl's SIL didn't step in sooner when her daughter was having substance abuse issues and engaging in unhealthy relationships (and ultimately not taking care of herself). This girl's pregnancy is just a symptom of some much deeper issues that go well beyond a "phase."

I've had dozens of formers students who got pregnant while I was teaching them at 13/14/15 years old. Many of them made a bad choice but they have ended up being good moms. Is it hard? Absolutely! Sometimes an unplanned pregnancy even at 14 forces children who are often babies to grow up. Praying she finds wisdom to make good decisions for her future.

@matador84: Eh, teen pregnancy is pretty detrimental. According to the U.S. Dept of HSS, teen moms are:

"Less likely to finish high school;
More likely to rely on public assistance;
More likely to be poor as adults; and
More likely to have children who have poorer educational, behavioral, and health outcomes over the course of their lives than do kids born to older parents."

I went to a high school where teen pregnancy was so common we had a daycare on-site. And I feel pretty confident saying that while many of the girls were loving mothers, being teen moms was not "better" for them or their babies in any way.