DD is 3 and she never says hi to our friends (kids and adults) when she sees them. She's always been this way but when she was younger I just figured she's a little shy and she needs time to warm up. But now that she's older I'm really trying to teach her good manners and these are friends we see ALL THE TIME, like almost weekly. She's not shy around them when she has some time to warm up and will be her silly self dancing, singing and playing. She would usually say bye and even give them hugs but the next time she sees them she refuses to say hello. I would even prepare her beforehand and tell her exactly who she is going to see and I ask her what she will say when she sees them and she answers "hi!" and waves and smiles! But right when she actually sees them she freezes and doesn't say a word. Anyone else have a kid that won't say hi too?
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Sounds like she just takes time to warm up to others. I don't think it's s big deal at all. I'd continue preparing her and asking her to say hello. If she doesn't, I wouldn't push it, just model greetings and let her know that saying hi is the polite way to greet someone. She will get there.
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DS is 2.5 and he's like this too. He's painfully shy at first until he warms up. I tell him to say hello, but I don't force it because I don't want to make him more uncomfortable.
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I try to offer an alternative when my LO (3.5) doesn't want to say hello (he can be painfully shy, even around good friends)--can you give a wave? A smile? I do expect a greeting, but it doesn't have to be verbal.
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Dd is like this and we just encourage a hello or wave or high five but if she doesn't do anything we don't push it. I was like that as a kid too and it definitely didn't help when it was pushed upon me or forced. It just made me want to clam up more!
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My kid usually says hi without an issue, but I was definitely like this growing up. I agree with @kodybear: If people pushed me (usually extended family members), it made me not want to talk even more. I was like this until at least middle school. I think just continuing to talk to her about it and modeling will help, but she may just be a quiet kid until she warms up.
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My LO is the same and we don't push it at all--I don't know any adults who would get upset that a 3 year old won't say hi to them, and if we push it with my LO he gets upset and it becomes a bigger deal--just not worth it! I do model good behavior and give him the opportunity to say hi, wave, hi five, etc.
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My son is like this, he might not say hello, but when we leave, he'll often give everyone a big bear hug. It's just his personality and people have gotten used to it.
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My 2.5 yo is like this sometimes. I never push it, bc as a pp pointed out, it makes things worse. For my daughter, it's partly that she needs time to warm up, but moreso she hates to be put on the spot, so the whole "can you say hi" thing with everyone then looking at her and waiting for a response causes her to totally shut down.
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DS1 is like this too and we don't force it. He's been better about it in the last few months. We just try to mention it once or twice and then show him how we greet/hug our friends/family. Same with saying thank you, you're welcome, etc. sometimes to people we come across at the store who give him stickers. We try to encourage him to say hi/bye/thank you/etc. to the people daddy/mommy say is okay (in terms of strangers).
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Thanks everyone! Good to know it's common! I agree I don't want to push her to say hello if she feels uncomfortable but I do want her to learn to be polite too. She's this way even with my brother who she is totally comfortable with, like laughing and playing whenever she sees him BUT she refuses to say "hi" to him when she first sees him. She would literally ignore him and then ten minutes later would literally be hanging on him and she does this every single time. Makes me wonder if she's just being stubborn!
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A was like this until very recently even with family. She will be 3 on Friday and only started opening the up more since starting daycare a couple months ago.
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Sounds totally normal!!
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12 comments