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i politely disagree with you. most people can't afford to adopt these days, but that doesn't mean that they can't afford to provide for a child. i certainly don't have $30,000 lying around, and i never, ever will. that doesn't mean i couldn't be a wonderful, caring, providing mother.

i've been to international orphanages. if you saw those sweet, sad faces and emaciated bodies it would break your heart. living here in america with a modest, middle class family (who can't afford $30,000 on their own) would increase their standard of living exponentially.

i can't really think of many things more worthy of a donation -- saving the life (physically, emotionally, psychologically) of an orphan and making a family whole.

@petuniasandpearls: i agree that's a terrible way to go about it! there's a right and wrong way to do everything. and that would be the wrong way!

@photojane: That incident was 2 years ago and we're still a little bitter about it. Funny thing is, if they had been upfront about the whole thing we probably would have thrown in $20! Instead, we felt like we got bullied into it and would look like jerks if we didn't donate something.

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@Mrs. Jacks: i agree. my husband and i have already committed to adopt at some point in our future, and it's something we feel very strongly about. i volunteer with an adoption agency, and have done lots of research. i was referring mostly to international adoption, which is where my passion lies. i would imagine families spending around $1k on domestic adoption would not be asking for donations.

that being said, my sentiments apply to pricier domestic adoption as well. if you've exhausted your options (savings, loans, grants, etc.), i see absolutely no problem with opening yourself up to donations.

personally, there would be no better reason for me to shed my pride and ask for help.

Um... ya, I'm not so sure I love the idea. I mean, do people who go through IVF (more than once let's say) ask to fund there possibility of having a child? No, because majority find the way to get the money to go that route. Why not in the case of an adoption then?

@blushink: because those children don't have parents. i think of an adoption donation as a way to get lonely, hurting children familes, versus just helping parents get a child. you're providing for an orphan. i've been to orphanages where 20+ children live most of their lives in a room smaller than my bedroom. to me, this is worthy of a donation (yes, donating to organizations that provide for these orphans is important, but funding and donating toward adoptions is another way to provide for these precious children).

@blushink: me too!

@photojane: <---- this. I'm also a huge advocate of adoption, either domestic or international. But, my passion and heart are in iternational adoption. DH and I have the kind of jobs that I think it would be wrong for us to ask for donations or do a fundraiser. But, there are so many great couples who don't have the ability to raise that kind of cash in a decade. Donating to adoption is different in my mind because there is already a child on the ground, without parents, without a permanent home, and often without daily needs and education.

Honestly, I view donating to someone's adoption on par with donating to organizations that work with orphans internationally. It's just helping people in the trenches rather than from a 20,000 foot view.

@mediagirl: Or the couple that is planning to pay the 50K in fees so that they can adopt the "ideal" child... so they pay exorbitant birthmother expenses. Ethically questionable on multiple levels.

I'm not really in favor of adults asking for donations from friends/family/communities for any voluntary life events they choose to partake in.

@yoursilverlining: Just wondering, what about adults who tried other methods of getting pregnant and still can't have children but desperately want children? Do they just give up on the children thing because they can't afford it and just wasn't given the cards to have children? Sorry, these are all just hypothetical questions. You don't need to answer if you don't want to.

@photojane: I think I agree with you. That being said, I hate asking people for money, always have. Even when I was a teenager, it bothered me to ask my parents for money for activities/stuff.

I think if we were ever in this situation, we'd probably try the more affordable routes first (like foster to adopt). However, DH and I are both teachers. In our state, teachers start out making 30K a year and even after 25 years of experience, most teachers aren't making over $45K. Combine that with the fact that I'm a preschool teacher (aka teaching a "public program" but not in a public school), its even less. I'm confident that we can provide a wonderful life for our future children, but we will never be able to save up 20-30K in a matter of a couple years.

@lilteacherbee: oh, i hate it too! so akward. i think there are interesting ways to do it, so it's not so much like you're flat out asking for money. i know a family who is trying to save for an adoption of a little boy in uganda, and the mom makes baked good and asks for donations in exchange, while the two daughters (both under 7) make beaded jewelery.

Hmmm. This is a toughie. But one thing that really stands out to me is this idea that you are supporting a "good cause" by donating toward an international adoption, over a domestic adoption. Helping children in developing companies truly is a good cause, and adoption is one way to do this. But the concept of "orphan rescuing" proves problematic in a lot of ways. ALL adopted children are worthy of and in need of families, and ALL adoptive families are doing a special thing, no matter their child's story. The bottom line is that a family wants a child and there is a child in need of that family, and that should be it.

@daniellemybelle: @Mrs. Blue: exactly what mrs. blue said. I don't think anyone would say that one is more important than the other. children are children!

@daniellemybelle: here here! The idea that you are "saving" a child doesn't really wash for me. You are adding to your family and swapping developing world issues for first world issues. But I believe the Hague convention guidelines say that if at all possible, children should be kept in their home countries.

I know it has been mentioned a few times in this thread, but I wish more people who desire to be parents would consider adopting through the foster care system. There are so many children in your local communities in need of loving, permanent families. Also, in adopting through the foster care system you will usually receive a monthly stipend (several hundred $$) until the child reaches age 18 and access to whatever the local health insurance is (in CA it is medi-cal) to offset any medical expenses. Additionally, there are many attorneys that do the adoption pro-bono for the adopting family or you can get reimbursed up to $500 from the county (in Los Angeles, at least). Also, you are allowed to specify your preferences in terms of race/ethnicity, siblings, bio family involvement, where in the process you will accept the child (i.e. if they are still visiting with parents, if reunification services have been terminated, if parental rights have been terminated), etc. If a family does not have the money to adopt privately or internationally, this is a great option for someone or a couple who wants to add to their family.

Just depends on how they go about doing it, I understand when people have a strong need for a child but maybe cannot afford to pay 10K out of pocket, however I think first there should be saving and lifestyle adjustments before asking from other people. I wouldn't liek to donate money and then see them driving a new car or something weeks later.

However, I think if family and close friends want to give then they should be allowed, I don't think there should be pressure into doing so.