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I'm so sorry to hear that if it's any consolation, I often feel guilt on my end and I wish I could somehow "share" baby dust with friends who can't get pregnant I almost hate myself for getting pregnant so easily when others struggle for years and years and sometimes it never happens. I'm sooo so sorry... I cannot even begin to imagine what that would feel like.

But I totally love that you're adopting! I definitely want to adopt one day too and I think it's one of the greatest things you can do.
You can for sure still have a baby shower though!! A couple of the bloggers had really cool adoption baby showers and I think that's so special!

One of my besties had a 5-year struggle with infertility before they adopted. Before it was so hard for her to hear that anyone got pregnant, to go to a shower, even just to be around babies sometimes. When her adopted son was about one, she told me that none of that really bothers her anymore. She is just so in love with her son and believes that the struggles were part of the plan that led to him. They are waiting to get chosen for their second adopted child now. I'm sure there are moments that are difficult still, and I know while they were in the process of adoption it was still agonizing. From being around her and hearing her talk, I would say it must get a lot easier after you get your baby. Hang in there!

I personally am not infertile, BUT, I was adopted. My parents could not have children. I am totally answering for my mother (and father) here, but I guarantee if you asked them, they would say that once you have your baby in your arms, biological or not, the pain will go away and you'll never look back!

There's no reason you can't have a shower and all the other fun baby stuff as well! My mom didn't have one for me (they have ONE days notice that they could come get me!), but they did have one for my brother.

I think what you're going through and feeling is completely normal! Best of luck to you!

@loveletter: I can't wait to follow your journey - I just THIS MORNING scheduled our first appointment at our prospective adoption agency. It's not until January but I'm already really excited. We still have yet to make the final decision on if we'll 100% do adoption but I'm loving it more and more everyday. I know what you mean though, some days I feel like - YES! We have a new plan, we're moving ahead! Others I think - Really? ANOTHER pregnant friend!?!? But I trust that each day will get better and easier. Good luck - I'll be thinking of you! (And watching you as a guide! :))

I'm on my second IUI and we decided not to pursue IVF so adoption is next. I'm wondering this as well.

@Mrs. Train: Oh, that's good.

I can tell you that I got lucky and fertility medicine worked for me, but this was my biggest fear. Would I ever be pregnant, and give birth? Would I ever get to have that big round belly? Having my daughter healed so much of that for me. I'm having a lot of trouble having another child, and that's really hard, but having gone through it once is most of what I needed.

I would have mourned the loss of those experiences the rest of my life had I not had them. Even as you look forward to your adoption, please don't discount your feelings of loss.

@ LOVELETTER: Today marks seven weeks since we met our baby boy. The grieving of infertility does get better. He was a few days old when we met him, and now my only grief is the time we lost - just a few days, really. I haven't been to a baby shower in probably five years - a selfish way that I coped with grief. But now I find myself feeling so excited for friends who are pregnant and thinking about what gifts I would like to give them. I now feel that I can rejoice with those who are rejoicing.

@loveletter: This is a very late response. I hope your adoption process is going as smoothly as possible. I can offer that throughout our adoption I didn't think much about my infertility. I was so busy getting everything ready and in order that I didn't have time. I did get frustrated when I was particularly overwhelmed because if it weren't for IF we wouldn't have had to go through it all anyway.

That being said, when they placed my baby in my arms, every bit of infertility was worth it. I get pangs of sadness every so often because of IF, but nothing at all like before our son was born.

Infertility makes the reward so much more amazing.